That's Just Who I Am This Week

There's a reason why I haven't written in a while. I have started writing in a notebook, just for me. It's stuff that I don't particularly want to put on the internet, and it has taken up most of my writing ability this week. I'm finally understanding why Sarah is such a faithful journal-writer. It is very helpful to 'download,' or just get all your feelings out on paper. This week was our four-year wedding anniversary. I can't believe it has been that long, but it also seems like it has been forever. I think we both forgot about it for the most part, being so busy with work and stuff. I even forgot to put it on my calendar . . . until the day before. I had hoped Allen would surprise me with something, so I didn't mention anything until about 10pm, when it became pretty clear he had forgotten. When I asked him if he knew what the day was and why I might be annoyed. Then he realized what happened. He didn't have any excuses, and I didn't want any. I just wondered why nothing really means anything to us anymore, like holidays. We don't really do anything special unless it's with my family; we're just trying to get through every day. We are in 'survival mode,' and we have been for some time. It's very wearing on me, and on our relationship. I know a lot of couples go through rough spots. And I know I should be less selfish and more forgiving. Life certainly isn't very easy right now, so I hope you all will forgive me for not keeping up the blog. I think I'm going to make my blog private again . . . it's just that I'm not very comfortable putting so much personal stuff out there for anyone to read. I know it can be a pain, but most of those who actually read this login to blogger anyway. So if you'd like an invitation to read my blog, please shoot me an e-mail. I'll change it over at the beginning of September so you can know what to expect. Thanks for being my friends, anyway. I love you all!