I Need a Little Fabulous

So . . . I just got LASIK.  In my right eye.  It is pretty fantastic, except that my vision is all screwed up, and I'm not supposed to wear a contact (singular!), and I thought that getting a clear plastic lens in my glasses would do the trick.  Uh, no.  I'm going to have to get new lenses in order to see over the next few weeks, after which I may dispose of said glasses.  No happy medium.  That's a little annoying.

I had it done on Friday afternoon, and that day pretty much sucked.  I also knew that I was on-call on Saturday, and the ferns down at Hoopes told me I wasn't supposed to drive or work until after my follow-up appointment on Saturday morning.  I tried to sleep that night, but ended up waking up every few hours to pee (and put in eye drops . . . the number of drops is unbelievable!!).  And then, at 6:30am, I get a call from my friend Gary: I had to go into work.  So, being very low on options at that point, I a) put a contact lens in my eye and b) drove myself to work.  I have been trying so hard to be a good patient!  I totally blew it on Saturday morning, though.  While driving, my head started pounding.  All of this messing with my vision has been giving me some killer headaches, which is getting really old.  I got into work, walked up to the desk, and Marilyn said, "Welcome.  You'll be doing a pelvis fracture in room 19 with Dr. Hillyard."  Well, that's not the worst thing in the world, but I just knew I wasn't going to be able to make it.  I told her I wasn't feeling well, so she called in a nurse to take my place.  I did try to get it all set up for her, which was just lovely as well.  Mind you, many regular cases need 1 or 2 sets of instruments; Ortho cases tend to take 5-9 sets.  Pelivs fractures with Hillyard?  I opened at least 15 sets, and I'm not sure I even had everything I needed.  Seriously.  Dr. Hillyard is very nice and patient, but also extremely meticulous (i.e., slow).  The case had been scheduled for 6 hours, and I think that was a pretty optimistic estimate.  Anyway, Susan came in to relieve me around 8:45am, so I left quickly and drove myself to my follow-up appointment.  Luckily, no one questioned me about arriving alone.  They did tell me to buy some more drops (because, apparently, I didn't have enough already), so I went to Target in search of some thicker artificial tears.  Who knew there was such a variety!?

I had taken some ibuprofen, so my headache was a bit better by then.  Even so, I spent a good 20 minutes in Target comparing brands and trying to find an acceptable substitute for what he told me to get (since they didn't have the exact one).  I also looked around the Christmas clearance aisles and found some fantastic stockings at half-price.  Yay!  I may actually get stockings up next year!

At this point, it was noon, and I was scheduled to meet my mission friends Peggy and Jack Jason for lunch at 1pm.  Because I had rolled out of bed at 6:30 to go to work, I looked pretty darn frumpy.  I was wearing scrub pants and my Train concert t-shirt, snow boots, a parka, a pathetic messy bun and zero makeup (per surgery instructions).  Here's the thing--if I were only meeting Peggy, I wouldn't care (girlfriend has seen me at my absolute worst).  But Jason (or JJD) is probably the most FABULOUS person I know.  I haven't seen him in years, probably since before I got married.  He is a lawyer in Washington D.C., we are Facebook friends and I recently discovered his incredible blog ("I live vicariously through you, remember?"), so I was thrilled when he messaged me and Peggy, asking us if we wanted to get together while he was here over Christmas.  Um, yes!!  {That may or may not have been another reason for me to be *sick* and leave work early on Saturday.  I plead the 5th.}

I didn't have time to go all the way home and change, so I stopped in at Ulta and purchased some combs and makeup.  I was not going to be totally embarrassed!  I dressed up the messy bun a bit with a braid, and put on some face makeup and blush (no eye makeup--I have been good about that!).  With that, I drove to Sugarhouse and we had a delightful lunch @ Finn's Cafe.  We had a server take an iPhone picture, which really did none of us any favors.  I was going to suggest a different spot for lighting purposes, but decided to go with it.  So this is what we got:

I'm holding a Diet Coke given to us "to go" (do you think that was a subtle hint?!); I'm not giving Peggy the bird on purpose.  Also, JJD has very nice hair, but this picture makes him look almost bald!  I tried to edit the picture, which looks marginally better and slightly BoBo thanks to the filters.

Jason is amazing.  He's sophisticated and hilarious and fashionable and, well, FABULOUS.  I adore him.  I adore Peggy too, but I can see her pretty much anytime.  Seeing Jason is such a rare treat--he's always working crazy 120-hour weeks, going to plays, taking crazy trips all around the world, and reading Les Misérables in the original french.  I want to be like him when I grow up.

At some point during our conversation, I requested an explanation of Jason and Peggy's method of judging people.  They had a code I didn't understand, but since they are up front about it and honest about where they fall within the scheme, it's okay.  Jason drew me a diagram on the back of the receipt.  It looked something like this (with fonts added for emphasis):

Let me explain.  No--there is too much.  Let me sum up: the people you know can basically be classified into one of these four categories.  I cringe as I write this, but the humor and the element of truth make it worthwhile.

F-people: like to use the F-bomb a lot.  If there were a t.v. show that describes an F-person, it would be "My Name is Earl" (with Maury Povich coming in a close second).  Mullets, NASCAR, trailers, etc.  FYI--Peggy likes to let her inner F-chick shine.

Peace people: Hippies.  Birkenstocks.  The entire state of Oregon.  NPR.  All about recycling.  I assert that anyone who graduates from the University of Utah have to be "Peace People" to a certain extent.  I'm not a serious Peace girl, but I was a Biology major: there was no escaping them.  I'm sure you get the idea.

D&D (or Dungeons and Dragons):  The nerds.  Big Bang Theory.  Computer, techie people who love Sci-Fi and are fairly anti-social.  Peggy says I'm totally D&D (even though I didn't know what D&D stood for--she had to explain it to me).  Just because I'm a Star Wars nerd . . . whatever.

And last but not least, BoBo (or Bohemian Bourgeoisie): The posh.  Frasier.  Drive a Lexus or a Saab.  Wouldn't be caught dead at Walmart, etc.

The whole conversation was a pleasure.  I laughed.  A LOT.  But I have been considering the diagram.  These categories are pretty basic, and I think there has to be some overlap.  I like to think of myself as kind-of a centrist (politically, socially, etc.).  I may be mostly D&D, but I'm cool with F-people.  I definitely prefer Target to Walmart, but that doesn't make me entirely BoBo.  I'm not the most avid Peace girl, but I recycle and I do think about the environment.

So this is where my New Year's resolution intersects with my friends' theories:

I will be a different kind of F chick, where F is for FABULOUS.  More to come (and Happy New Year!).