To Live My Life As It's Meant To Be

A few pretty significant events happened this week.

First: Mom & Dad pushed the button. They have been getting everything ready to serve a mission, and all of the applications and forms are online.  I guess it takes a while to get it all done, and when you are ready, you push the button.  {Back in the 'good ole' days, when I served a mission, you "put in your papers" and received a large white envelope a few weeks later.}  They did it.  So they might be receiving a mission call soon!  I think the white envelope is still the method of delivery, even if the paperwork is outdated.  #feelingold  #ihatehashtags  #prettysurehashtagshavenopoweroutsideoftwitter  #isitreallythathardtousepunctuation?

Mom & Dad in Layton

Second: Dave & Lexy moved to Phoenix.  I know, right!?  When Dave sent out the e-mail a few weeks ago to tell us they were moving, I cried.  Most of the day was spent in tears . . . and it was enough to make me start taking my medications again.  Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them and excited for their new adventures.  I can't wait to see their new home, complete with a swimming pool!

Moving Trucks :o(

Anyway, I drove up to Layton to see them off.  I was going to send Benji to school, but he has a cold and cough {which I so graciously bestowed upon him}.  I'll try to send him to school next week, though they will probably send him home.  This whole situation is driving me batty!  I have had to call in sick and Allen has had to come home early from work more than once to be with him since he can't be in school.  It has been almost two weeks, and there isn't a lot of school year left to be had.  Grrr.  Oh, back to the point--I had Benji with me, and Nanny & Papa drove down to so see them too.  On their way down from Logan, they picked up Pablo {Lexy's mom's boyfriend}, who is driving one of the trucks to Phoenix.  After they finished loading up the trucks, I left.  I didn't want them to see me cry.  It was really sad; we all love the Layton house, and now there will be strangers living in it.  Dave & Lex are planning on coming back, so they are renting out the house, and renting themselves in Phoenix.  Still, it's sad.  I miss them.  A LOT.

Dave, Lexy & Phoebe after the Savior of the World Performance

Also--they bought a minivan.  Yeah, there's a stigma, but they are handy and convenient and much more gas-friendly than the Suburban they have had for a while.  I'd rather not drive a minivan, but my cute car gets such horrible gas mileage that I'm about ready to trade him in.  I really like my car, and for having 98,000 miles he still looks really good; I just hate shelling out so much money at the pump.

Mom & Dad went to SLC after they left Layton, and I met up with them at Rachael's house.  We hung out for a while, but Mach is SO busy with her jobs and her calling and her piano playing--she is accompanying Lily's school program and has to be at rehearsals at least once per week.  It was nice to see her for a little while, but I had to leave to get ready for a LASIK follow-up appointment {still @ 20/20!  It's so lovely!} and an information meeting at the University of Utah I had that evening.

Third: I had a revelation.  Okay, it was not exactly a revelation as much as it was a "lightbulb" moment.

I wasn't expecting it, but the realization just came to me during this information session:

I know what I want to be when I grow up.

I have been thinking about this for a long time, but there were a lot of things going on and I wasn't sure I wanted to commit to anything as big as Graduate School and I feel guilty constantly about not spending enough time with Benji.  Well, during this information session, I had a few realizations.

A)  I'm not a great mom, in fact--I would be a crappy stay-at-home mom.  With Benji being home sick for the past couple of weeks, I realized just how hard it is.  Please don't get me wrong--I love Benji with all my heart--but he is not an easy child.  I get very impatient with him.  For example, getting him to put on his pants takes at least 20 minutes and a thousand reminders and "try-agains" to remind him of what he's doing, and to help him get it right.  After several of these sessions {i.e., every time he goes to the bathroom} and requiring his third shower of the day, I was so frustrated that I spanked him.  I felt so guilty about it and apologized and tried to give him extra loves and cuddles, but it doesn't change the fact that I hit my child.  I hope he has forgotten, but I never will.  Anyway, I realized that I am much more loving and kind to Benji when I don't see him as often.  He is much easier to love in small doses.  My realization was that I'm never going to be a good stay-at-home mom.  I'm just not.

B)  I have wanted to go back to school for a while, but I wasn't sure in what subject.  I like to do a lot of things, but I feel like you need to be passionate about what you study, if you are going to dedicate so much time and effort to it.  The only thing that has kept my attention for a long time is health care, and my education/career is at a crossroads.  I have been here for a while, learning and working, etc., but I haven't moved on.  It has been good, and I'm grateful for the experience, but I see so many people around me moving on with their lives, that I have felt the push too.  Being a surgical tech is great, but I don't want to do it forever.  There are some techs I work with who have literally been scrubbing longer than I have been alive {and I'm no spring chicken!}.  They are excellent at what they do, but most of them are tired and jaded and I don't want to end up like that.   So, the way I see it, I could take one of two paths: the Nursing Route, or the Physician's Assistant {P.A.} route.

As for nursing: I work with nurses every day; I have a great respect for them and I enjoy working with them.  I think I could be a good nurse, if I wanted to go down that road.  Here are the problems with nursing education as I see it: it's either good and {usually} expensive, or mediocre and cheap.  There are several nursing schools around the Salt Lake Valley, and I have friends who have gone to many of them.  The ones that are easy to get into are expensive.  Unbelievably expensive, especially for an associate's degree.  Salt Lake Community College {or SLCC, pronounced "SLICK"} is cheap, but incredibly competitive.  They have a waiting list of more than a year, and one can't even get on the list until all of the prerequisites are complete.  There was a partnership between the company I work for {Intermountain Healthcare} and SLCC, where IHC would pay for 100% of tuition and books in return for working full-time for two years after graduation.  That's an amazing opportunity, but they are dissolving this partnership because there are so many other nursing programs out there and the market is fairly saturated.  Many of my friends who have graduated have had difficulty finding jobs.  That's got to be really frustrating for people who have just spent a small fortune on schooling.  Also, my friends who graduated from the SLCC program do not recommend it to others.  It's not great.  Plus, I know I wouldn't be satisfied with being an RN; I'd want to go on and get a Master's and possibly an N.P., which would mean at least six more years of schooling.  So, this route is full of rocks and hard places.

As for the P.A. route: I have been talking about it for a long time.  Ever since I started working with PAs in surgery, talking to them and realizing what they do, I have had it in the back of my mind that I'd like to do it someday.  I have visited the UPAP {Utah Physican Assistant Program} website several times, and looking at the prerequisites and such, I have thought that it would be easier for me to get into PA school than into nursing school.  For example, most nursing programs require nutrition and statistics to get it.  I never took those classes, but I have taken calculus and Biochemistry {for heaven's sake, I have a Chemistry minor!}.  So what are the University of Utah's requirements?

• Bachelor's Degree, as this is a Master's degree program {I received my BA in Biology in 2007}
• Required Courses: Human Anatomy and Physiology {check and check}, four credits in Biology {one tends to get a few more than that, having a major in Biology} and eight credits in Chemistry {one gets more than that with a Chemistry minor}
• GPA higher than 2.7 {3.15 is nothing to brag about, but it meets the requirement!}
• Healthcare experience > 2000 hours, or about one year full-time {um, I have been working for Intermountain Healthcare for 11 years, plus working at the University Hospital before my mission would easily give me more than 20,000 hours}.

The lightbulb came on when I realized that my whole life has been preparing me for this.  I may not be the best candidate, but I would certainly not be the worst.  I think there's a real possibility of my getting in, and this is something I think I would be good at and enjoy--a rare and precious combination.  It isn't medical school, but it is a medicinal-type of education, and it is probably the best I could hope for at this stage in my life.

I came home and spoke with Allen about it.  I told him I was tired of nagging him to go to school, and that one of us needed to do something to move us beyond this point.  We talked about cost and commitment {and how he'll basically be a single dad for the entire time I am in school, and how he will still be responsible to pay all of the bills since I won't be able to work at the same time}.  He came up with plenty of valid excuses and reasons not to, including that "we'll be taxed to death" once I'm gainfully employed, but--what it comes down to--he will support me if I get in.  And with Benji being Benji, I couldn't do it by myself.  

So that's where we are.  I'm going to start the application process {it's a big one, with exams and essays and multiple rounds of interviews}, in hopes of admission to the program starting in 2014.  And we'll see.  I feel like this is the right direction, and for the first time in a long while, I'm excited for the future.  I hope you'll stick with me on this crazy ride.