Another One Bites The Dust

It's that time again, folks. Another year-in-review, with a few changes but mostly more of the same. Hey--at least I got more than one blog post in this year, right? (very small yay)

What did you do in 2017 that you’d never done before?

I was a guest host on two different podcasts (Radio Ronin twice, and So B.I.G. one time). It was really fun, and I hope to do it again soon. I'll be hanging out with the ladies of Life On The Rocks, Please in a few weeks. They are awesome, and it will be a blast.

Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Yes, I did make some. Did I keep them? Well . . .

To finish the unfinished projects before I start more (uh . . .)
To spend less money on makeup (uh . . .)
To be unapologetically myself (uh . . . I still find myself apologizing for myself frequently)
To ask for what I want (I've been a little better about this, but there's lots of room for improvement)

I think I'll keep these very generic goals, and add a few more, though I'm not writing them here.

Did anyone close to you give birth?

My brother Dave & his wife Lexy had baby #6 (Eve Ximena-Renee) in March, and I was privileged to be there for my niece's birth. What a lovely experience.

My sister Sarah gave birth to a sweet baby boy (Miles John), but he was born too soon (19 weeks). It has been devastating for her and Chad, and we are all still so sad from losing him. I kinda feel robbed of getting to know my nephew, though I know he's close. Chad & Sarah are doing IVF again, so we are hoping for another miracle next year.

Did anyone close to you die?

See above.
Also, Tollene's dog Ginger died. (We got a new dog, Finn, or as Benji calls him, "Hi-Finn.")
And a very nice guy from my ward, Brad Andreason passed away not too long after Miles and Ginger. He was in his early 50's and had lots of heart problems, but seeing so many people grieving is rough. I cried a lot in August and September. (Who am I kidding? I cry all the freaking time.)

What countries did you visit?

I should really just change this question to states, but within the next 5 years I will be able to write different countries! So until that point, I'll answer: Wyoming, Idaho, California, Washington State, and two I hadn't visited before: Minnesota & Iowa. They are lovely places!

What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017?

Confidence and organization

What date from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory?

August 30 (Baby Miles's birthday)

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Surviving December. It was brutal.

What was your biggest failure?

Attempting to teach Microbiology. Ha! That was a joke!

Did you suffer illness or injury?

I spent a few days in the hospital with sepsis. Not fun. I got better, though I still have some lingering effects therefrom. My friend Erica Dawn had a terrible infection and was in the hospital for two months. Mine was a breeze compared to hers.

What was the best thing you bought?

Tickets to see two of my favourite bands in Seattle. Best. Mother's Day. Ever.

Whose behavior merited celebration?

Benji has been doing great. He was SO GOOD at Disneyland! I was very impressed with the way he handled the crowds and the rides!

Where did most of your money go?

Bills. Car. Food. Concerts. Gifts. Airline Tickets. Disneyland. Bath & Body Works. Ulta. Amazon. (Not necessarily in that order)

What did you get really, really, really excited about?

My trip to Seattle. The food was great, the company was great, the music was beyond great. 

What song will always remind you of 2017?

The big songs of the year (that I've heard once or twice and kinda liked) were "Despacito (Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee w/The Biebs) and "Sign of the Times" (Harry Styles). I listened to that Taylor Swift song a couple of times and it was terrible. I liked Chainsmokers (w/Coldplay) "Something Just Like This" in spite of myself. I also listened to a lot of Tom Petty (R.I.P.), but my personal favorite is "Lights of Home" by U2, which is better than all of those other songs combined.  

My album of the year is "Songs of Experience" by U2 (I know this surprises nobody). I usually have more albums, but since I've started listening to a lot more podcasts, I haven't had as much time for music. That's why three of my top ten are from U2, and two are from my community choir (Salt Lake Singers). I should probably branch out a bit more, but I was kinda sparse in my concert partaking this year.

My top 10 SONGS of 2017 (or, the songs that have meant the most to me this year)

10. "All Praise to Thee" by Elaine Hagenberg

9. "The Work of Christmas" by Howard Thurman/Dan Forrest

8. "Top of the World" by Greek Fire

7. "The Sky is a Neighborhood" by Foo Fighters

6. "Solid Gold" by Tom Chaplin & JONES

5. "Take Me As You Found Me" by Anberlin

4. "Landlady" by U2

3. "You're the Best Thing About Me" by U2

2. "You Don't Know How It Feels" by Tom Petty

1. "Lights of Home" by U2

And the concert list for this year (short but great): 

Young the Giant (2.4.17 at the Complex)
U2 with Mumford & Sons (5.14.17 at CenturyLink Field)
Depeche Mode (8.23.17 at USANA)
Offspring/Sublime with Rome (9.30.17 at USANA)

I had tickets to see Foo Fighters, but ended up selling them. I'm such an idiot.

I should really add my top Podcasts of the year, since that's become a thing:
10. The Park Hoppers
9. Rolling Stone Music Now
8. S-Town
7. Gregg's Guide to New Music/Ticked (tied)
6. Radio Ronin
5. This American Life
4. Baconsale
3. Life on the Rocks, Please
2. Awesome with Alison
1. Heavyweight

Compared to this time last year, are you:

   Happier or sadder? Not sure at the moment. It depends on the day and how much sleep I've had.

   Thinner or fatter? Don't ask.

   Richer or poorer?  We just got back from Disneyland. I'm feeling very poor at the moment.

What do you wish you’d done more of?  

Exercising.  Spending time with my boy.

What do you wish you’d done less of?  

Staying up too late, saying yes when I really want to say no.

How will you be spending Christmas? 

Honestly, I'm not sure

Did you fall in love in 2017?

Not so much

Who were your best friends?

Peggy, Heather. My sisters.

What thing did you do that was meaningful to others?

I spent LOTS of time taking and editing pictures this year (and several of these sessions were free of charge); I hope they are meaningful to others, or what the hell am I doing?
I also worked really hard on the Christmas Program for my ward/choir (I'm the ward choir director), and coordinating and practicing with all of the groups, getting them to participate, writing, copying, etc., etc. It was rough, but I think it turned out well, and I hope it was a nice and meaningful meeting for everyone involved.

What were your favorite TV programs?

The Mindy Project, Madam Secretary, Designated Survivor, This Is Us, Mr. Robot, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel 

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Not really. There are people who I really looked up to in the past, for whom the shine has dulled a bit. 

What was the best book you read in 2017?

I did not read a lot this year. The best book I read was "Origin" by Dan Brown, with "Artemis" by Andy Weir coming in a very close second. They were both excellent. I keep thinking I'm going to read more once I get caught up, but I'm never caught up anymore.

What was your greatest musical discovery?

How good the Offspring still sound! They were rocking! Subime--not so much.

What did you want and get?

Disneyland for Christmas. Yay! (And never again!!)

What did you want but did NOT get?

A Kindle. Good lord--this has been on my list for like 5 years now.

What was your favorite film of this year?

I actually liked Star Wars Episode VIII, though it's getting a lot of flack. I LOVED Baby Driver (which I got to see in a critic's screening with Kenny D) and Wonder Woman, but Dunkirk was AMAZING. Best film of the year, hands down. 

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

No idea. I turned 38. Gads, I'm getting old.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

More sleep. And a lot more sex.

What kept you sane?

Friends. Good people at work and church and in my life.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I'm currently crushing on Adam Driver, a.k.a., Kylo Ren, a.k.a., Darth Tall Jew. I don't know what it is, but I'm hooked.

What political issue stirred you the most?

I've been following Seth Abramson, an Attorney and Criminal Law/journalism professor on Twitter. He has been following and analyzing the "Trump-Russia Thing" for months now. He uses a lot of different reputable sources, and he explains things in such a clear, fascinating way. It's SO MUCH to take in that it hurts my brain sometimes, but I feel like I'm watching Watergate unfold before my eyes. Can I just say--Bob Mueller is THE MAN.  

Who did you miss?

I don't get to see Peggy often enough, but she tries to make time for me. I miss DeLayna, who is currently living in Germany. And, of course, Joyce, Susan, Brittany, Todd, and the others who decided I wasn't worth their time.

Who was the best new person you met this year?

Make it two: Lara & Erin. The LOTRP ladies are so awesome. I adore them.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017.

Invest in people who invest in you. (Thank you, Alison!)

Quote that sums up your year:

Allison had so many tasty nuggets, and I learned a lot from working with my friend Daniel Blomberg on his brain consulting stuff, but I worked a lot on my handwriting/lettering this year, and I wrote this so many times it has stuck. The words are so beautiful, and the music makes me cry. This is what it's all about.

When the song of the angels is stilled,
When the star in the sky is gone,
When the kings and princes are home,
When the shepherds are back with their flock,
The work of Christmas begins:

To find the lost,
To heal the broken,
To feed the hungry,
To release the prisoner,
To rebuild the nations,
To bring peace among brothers,

To make music from the heart.
--Howard Thurman/Dan Forrest

So there it is. I'm glad I was able to get this done today (another thing off my to-do list!). I want to know how your year went. Please comment or message me or whatever. If you're reading this, I can pretty much guarantee I have thought about you recently, so let me know how you are. 

LOVE YA.

Wait a Minute, Mr. Postman

Christmas cards. You either love them or hate them, but they are a thing. And I love them, even though they can be a pain. So Why do I send them every year?

Because I love to GET Holiday Greetings, and to see what your families are up to! I like snail mail, and I get more cards in December than the entire rest of the year. And if you like to get them, you gotta send them.

Still unsure about doing them? I have been told (by more than one person), that mine was the only card they received that year. This breaks my heart. I really do try to keep in touch with my friends, but some I can only do once per year. I don’t want to miss the opportunity to let people I love know that I’m thinking about them.

To that end, I’d like to help you with your cards, if you are so inclined to include pictures in them. (P.S., those are my favorites!)

Also, several of you have reached out to me about family pictures, and I’ve kinda dropped the ball. I’m sorry. To make it up to you, I’m thinking about doing some Christmas mini-sessions at a studio in the SLC area (where it’s nice & warm). It would be $50 for a 15-minute session (up to 8 people), and you’d get 5 pictures delivered by digital download. We’d have got chocolate, treats and props, And my friend @justinaden (a.k.a. “DrZzs” on YouTube) has been working on some super awesome lighting effects we’ll use, so it would be fun and pretty painless. This would also be a great opportunity to update your headshots for 2018!

But I need at least 10 people to sign up in order to make it happen. 

If there’s enough interest for outdoor mini-sessions, we can plan a day for that too, but the weather is slightly unpredictable and it’s a little hard to plan that in advance. 

I’m thinking Friday November 24th, so you can finish your Black Friday shopping and stop in for your holiday card photos! 

Please let me know if you are interested so I can reserve the studio! 

Thanks,

—Mary

cell: 801.310.8204

Let Your Heart Be Light

Ooh, 3am. I probably shouldn't start a new blog post, but this has been rumbling about in my head all day.

It's the day after Christmas (well, technically the day after the day after, since it is 3am, but I haven't gone to bed yet, so we'll just stick with the day after). And I'm glad Christmas is over.

I have spent so much time and energy into this Christmas that now (finally!) my heart feels lighter. I know I put the pressure on myself. I need to set my limits and not try to do everything I feel like I need to do, but I did accomplish quite a bit. Even so, I feel like this Christmas was a failure.

Damn it, Satan. Get thee hence!

The adversary wants me to feel like I failed. Maybe I did--there were several things that didn't get done, like my gifts for my brother Dave and his family. My plans for them were a bit ambitious, and slightly hinged upon their coming to Utah for Christmas. They didn't, and I just ran out of time to finish my projects and get them shipped (#ChristmasFail). So I sent them an e-gift card: a total cop-out, but the best I could do at the time. I also told them I will send them a package in January, when I do actually finish what I set out to do.

Here's the next fail: I had a goal. I'm not sure where I heard it, but it has been my mantra all year: "Wrapped and done by December 1."

Nope. Guess who was up until 5am on Christmas Eve/Christmas morning wrapping gifts?

Sigh.

I tried SO HARD to get it all done. I did most of my shopping online before December rolled around, and I even did some wrapping (sans bows, since those get crunched if you do them too early), but it still wasn't enough for me.

I did two angel tree gifts. Well, three technically, since one I couldn't tell if it read boots or books, so I got them both. But I didn't donate anything to the food pantry or volunteer at the homeless shelter. 

I got pictures taken and printed and sent out my personally-addressed cards with at least a week for delivery. But my enclosed letter offended my sister, we got in a fight and now she won't speak to me at all.

I put up the tree, lights, decor, everything by myself; though I did it before Thanksgiving, which is offensive to some people, and which I would never have done a few years ago. And I spent too much money on making my tree pretty, not full of fun memories for my child.

I thought I got good gifts for my husband and my mother-in-law and my child. I didn't get my uber-techy husband anything electronic; he asked for a smart watch and I got him clothes. And my child was so obsessed with the first gift he opened that he had a hard time appreciating any of the cool things anyone else got for him.

I did neighbor gifts and actually introduced myself to the people in my cul-de-sac, though I should have done that two years ago when we moved in. I made GORP for them, though that batch wasn't very good, and I hope the addition of orange zest didn't get anyone sick. I made at least four double-batches of GORP (my recipe is here) for neighbors and co-workers, but I didn't get any to my sisters, who love it.

And all of this is on top of working full-time and trying to take care of my family and very busy autistic child, etc., etc., etc. But my mother-in-law does most of the housework anymore, so I really shouldn't be complaining.

Why is it so hard to be proud of our accomplishments? Why is it so easy to let the negative thoughts dissuade us from believing that we have actually done something well?  Is it pride?

Maybe. Probably.

I know I have an issue with pride; I was really offended when my husband went to our bishop to ask for help last year. We didn't really need it at the time, and I felt terribly guilty about receiving help when there are people who actually do need it. What we actually needed was for me to stick to a budget . . . another huge fail.

Even so--I am trying. There are SOOOO many things I could be doing better. I won't list them here, because it would definitely make this post {TLDR}. I wanted to make things nice for my family, even though by the end I was so exhausted that I slept most of Christmas day. I wanted to have a "merry little Christmas," and although I still feel like I failed, I tried.

And now I'm crying.

I really did try, and I just don't feel like anyone noticed. And that's the folly of my pride: I wanted someone to tell me I did a good job. Even if I feel like I didn't. Even if I don't know how to "do Christmas" when it's only the four of us.

Did Jesus notice? I hope so. I didn't focus on Him as much as I should have; I was too busy trying to get everything else done. But I know He sees my heart, and He knows how hard I am trying to do the right thing. Even if I don't know what that is sometimes. I AM trying to be like Him, and to do what He would have me do. I know I'm not even close to having this whole life-thing (let alone Christmas!) figured out, but I know I'm not alone.

He cares. He notices. He wants me to simplify and slow down and take some time to get to know Him again. 

Maybe that was my lesson from the Christmas season: to not let the clutter get in the way of the beauty. He is the Reason, the Light, the Gift. He is Love, pure and simple.

Cards, gifts, projects--they aren't bad things, as long as we remember why we do them. 

I will remember. I will let Him be the Light in my heart. 

What Are You Doing New Year Eve?

I have been so neglectful of my blog.  I do want to keep it up--I have a lot to say!--but I have been so busy, and not in a good way.

The whole month of December just flew by.  I worked almost every single day, I had a bunch of on-call shifts and a couple of volunteer days at Benji's school, and car drama (I totaled my car on December 3rd), Christmas cards and gifts and stuff hanging over my head.  I was exhausted.  I am still recovering, and I'm not sure that my current 'vacation' will be all that restful.  It hasn't started out that way, with Benji refusing to fall asleep in Las Vegas (there were lots of tears involved in that one), and Allen taking off today to drive to some museum south of Tucson, so he was MIA for about 10 hours.  I have gotten a fair amount of reading done; I'm working on "The Casual Vacancy" by J.K. Rowling.  I was hoping for something Harry Potter-esque, but this was Jo's first big project away from the world of Muggles and Magic, so with all the subtlety of a recent high school graduate, she went quite in the opposite direction.  The writing is excellent, but definitely R-rated.

We are currently in Phoenix, to help Dave & Lexy with baby #4, who is due next Sunday.  Lex is sooo uncomfortable and has a cold on top of it all, so with her being so miserable, I'm thinking she'll go early.  I hope so, anyway!  I can't wait to meet this new little friend!

Well, Christmas went in such a blur, with nary a picture taken, I think we'll just skip a post devoted to the holiday.  Let's go to the Year-In-Review post instead, eh?  This is fairly similar to the one I did last year, and the year before that, and the year before that, but it's actually from this blog.  I won't really review what went on in the world, but as far as big news stories go, this is a pretty good run-down of 2013.

What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?
Total my car.  I have been in small fender-benders before, but none that have caused me this much grief.  Goodbye, Silvano.  I miss you.

Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Well, I resolved to be fabulous.  The result?  Not so much.  Of course I do have more resolutions and plans for 2014, but I'm notoriously bad at keeping them.  I need real motivation, and I think I may have found it.  {More on that later.}

Did anyone close to you give birth?

Not really close.  Lex is going to pop any moment, so that should be fun!

Did anyone close to you die?

My dear Ann.  I miss her.  A lot.  

What countries did you visit?

Does 24 hours in Idaho count?

What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?

The courage to actually do what I need to do.

What date from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory?

I don't remember the date, but our last trip to Bear Lake was kind-of a big deal.  Also, Friday September 13, as the date my parents left for their mission in Peru.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I don't really have one.  This year has kind-of sucked that way.  I guess it could be the back-handed achievement of a goal to own a car built in the same decade in which I am living.  Of course, I don't own it (I haven't even driven it yet . . .), but I suppose it's mine.  The payments will be, anyway.

What was your biggest failure?

My total rejection from P.A. school.  I was a little too confident with my application and telling everyone about it, and I didn't even get an interview.  That really sucked.

Did you suffer illness or injury?

Thankfully, no.

What was the best thing you bought?

My suitcase.  I got it for 70% off at Target, and it's awesome.  I've never owned luggage that doesn't have an IHC logo on it.

Whose behavior merited celebration?

Benji has made some progress this year.  He has regressed some, too (he rarely uses utensils to eat, and he's pretty much back in pull-ups full-time).  But he is getting better at listening, and he can obey some simple commands.  That's something!

Where did most of your money go?

Bills.  Gas.  Food.  A few concerts.  Gifts.  And did I mention gas?  

What did you get really, really, really excited about?

I think the highlight of my year was going to the Keane concert in Boise last January.  I was also very excited about receiving an iPad mini for my birthday.  I also got a little too excited about the Doctor Who 50th Anniversary.

What song will always remind you of 2013?

I'm sure I listened to the whole album "Babel" by Mumford & Sons more than anything else this year, but particularly "Ghosts That We Knew."  As far as popular songs go, I believe I shall do Mary's Top 10 popular songs of 2013 here.  No judgement.

10.  tied: "Catch My Breath" by Kelly Clarkson and "Royals" by Lorde

9.  "Thrift Shop" by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

8.  "Sail" by AWOLNATION (though the song almost always reminds me of this video--LOL!)

7.  "Carry On" by fun.

6.  "My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark" by Fall Out Boy

5.  "Ho Hey" by The Lumineers

4.  "Gone Gone Gone" by Phillip Phillips

3.  "Miss Jackson" by Panic! At The Disco

2.  "Radioactive" by Imagine Dragons

1.  "Hopeless Wanderer" by Mumford & Sons

Compared to this time last year, are you:

   Happier or sadder? Sadder.

   Thinner or fatter? Fatter.  It sucks.

   Richer or poorer?  Poorer.  Can you see why this has not been my best year?

What do you wish you’d done more of?  Exercising.  Spending time with my boy.

What do you wish you’d done less of?  Staying up too late.

How will you be spending Christmas?

Next Christmas?  Not sure.  Probably in Logan.

Did you fall in love in 2013?

With a certain time-travelling alien who has two hearts.

Who were your best friends?

Peggy, Allison, and my siblings.

What thing did you do that was meaningful to others?

I would hope that the whole Christmas card ordeal means a little to the people to whom I send them.  They are a lot of work!  This is what they looked like.

{front}

{back, in black & white}

I wasn't in love with them, so I'm going to simplify next year.  Really.

What were your favorite TV programs?

I became a Whovian this year, and spent a lot of time with the Doctor.  Other than Doctor Who, I watch Downton Abbey, Call the Midwife, HIMYM, Glee, Grey's Anatomy, The Mindy Project, Super Fun Night, The Following, and Broadchurch.  It's a little ridiculous. 

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Um, Miley Cyrus?

What was the best book you read in 2013?

I haven't read a lot this year, but "The Heretic's Daughter" by Kathleen Kent and "Inferno" by Dan Brown were standouts.   

What was your greatest musical discovery?

Mumford & Sons.  Not a real 'discovery,' but more of a realization of how much I like them.

What did you want and get?

An iPad.  Of course, it was expropriated by the boy, and the cracked screen is only held together by an Otterbox.  We call it his iPad.  I did want an iPhone, and I got it.  That has been nice.

What did you want but did NOT get?

An interview with the University of Utah Physican's Assistant Program.  And a trip to New York.

What was your favorite film of this year?

Probably "The Great Gatsby" or "Star Trek Into Darkness."  Other movies I saw in the theater?  "Iron Man 3" (meh), "The Hunger Games: Catching Fire" (awesome, especially as a double-feature after "The Day of the Doctor"), "Man of Steel" (meh), "Monsters University" (love!), "Gravity" (amazing!), and Lee Daniels' "The Butler," (fascinating).  I started reading "City of Bones," but I couldn't even finish the book, so I never saw the movie.  And I probably never will.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 34.  This is the account of the day.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

A housekeeper.  The house being a mess seriously stresses me out, and I'm the only one who cleans. Since I don't do that very well, and since I'm up too late and have too much to do and not enough energy, I have a lot of stress.  Self-induced, I'll admit, but a lot nonetheless.

What kept you sane?

I'm going to plead the 5th on that one.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

David Tennant.  LOVE!

What political issue stirred you the most?

Gay marriage. Or, I should say, marriage.

Who did you miss?

My family.  Dave & Lexy moved to Phoenix in April, Rach & Wow moved to Logan in August, and Mom & Dad went to Peru on a mission.  So none of us are as close (physically or otherwise) as we used to be.  That makes me sad.

Who was the best new person you met this year?

Benji's new teacher Jacque.  She's awesome.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.

I am the only one standing in my way.

Quote that sums up your year:

There are many.  I will take a verse from "Holland Road" by Mumford & Sons.

"But I still believe though there's cracks you'll see,

When I'm on my knees I'll still believe,

And when I've hit the ground, neither lost nor found,

If you'll believe in me I'll still believe."

*sigh*  That's all for now, folks.  Not my best year, all in all.  I do have high hopes (and actual plans and motivations) to make next year count.  Out with the old . . .