Save Some Christmas Cheer

"These precious moments--hold them very dear.

And keep Christmas with you all through the year."

Christmas was quite nice, and I enjoyed spending time with family.  Allen is going through a rough time right now, especially dealing with post-op pain (i.e., he's not dealing with it very well).  Things went fairly smoothly otherwise.  I guess our package for Allen's mom didn't arrive before Christmas.  Grrr.  I hope they got it yesterday.

Here's Lily (with her bite from Princess the Dog on her nose!).

The Sortor family, with the role of Mia being played by Mach.

There were a few more pictures with various people sticking their heads into other pictures, but most of them are pretty unflattering.  You're welcome for not posting them.

Here's a really good one of Beck & Lance.

And here's a cute one of Beck & Sabrina.  So cute!!

My Benji has started climbing.  Everywhere.  On everything.  He managed to get himself into this high chair about 50 times . . . though he never was able to get himself out.  And tonight, we found him IN HIS CRIB.  We did not put him there.  I'm thinking we'll be converting the crib to the toddler bed in the near future.



More to come later.  I hope yours was very merry!

Falling in the Ocean

I'm at work tonight. It's Christmas Eve. And here's a fair warning--when I'm really tired, I mix up French and English. And I write really randomly. "Technically it is Christmas morning, you know." --Doc Boy "You know that, and I know that." --Jon Actually, it's 2:39 a.m. on the 24th, so it's Christmas Eve. Most of my family is in Logan already, but I'm at work (quelle surprise). I'm also on call tomorrow morning, and the add-on list is pretty long already. Kim is in OR 1 doing a dead bowel case with Dr. Price, and I'm at the desk with Lori. At least the night is halfway over already, and I'm getting paid time-and-a-half. I enjoy my job. I really do. But I am burned out. I'm so ready to go part-time. Unfortunately, I have the insurance, and to get insurance when you only work part-time is more than twice as much. So you earn less money and pay more for insurance. Not fun. I think Allen is getting to the point where he's ready for a change too. He has been pretty out-of-it with his surgery and stuff. The surgery went well, and he is healing up nicely, but being off work and home-bound for basically the past two weeks . . . I think he had a small break-down yesterday. He went to an InstaCare and spoke to a doctor about it, and he said he thought Allen was having panic attacks due to stress. They prescribed him some Clonazepam (an anti-anxiety muscle relaxant), but he didn't really like what it was doing to him. I was at work, so he had to deal with Benji and with the snow and feeling crappy. I wish I could have done something for him, but luckily Lexy was home. Allen took Benji up to Layton and I guess Lex helped him sort out all of the things in his brain. Thank you, Lex. I think you may have been the only person to speak to him like that. I'm not sure exactly what you said, but whatever it was, it made something click. We have been in 'survival mode' for so long that we were both pretty checked out of our relationship; we were just trying to get through each day. Anyway, he wrote me a sweet letter telling me how much he loved me and how much he wanted to get our family back on track. I have been waiting for him to step up to the plate for quite a while; I feel like I have been carrying so much of the spiritual load, and I just got tired--so tired that I just let it go and tried to stay afloat. Drifting. Sorry I'm mixing metaphors (it's 3:19 a.m. now). Anyway, I'm really hoping Allen gets the job in Logan. I'm ready to retire, although being a stay-at-home mother isn't exactly la retraite. If I could get a PRN or part-time scrub position at Logan Regional, I'd totally do that. But I'd really like to be more involved with Benjamin and take better care of my family. I'd like to do more than just keep my head above water until my next shift. I keep bugging him about it, because I really think this would be the best thing that could happen for our family right now. I'm praying for it. I'm almost ready for Christmas, but I still have some wrapping to do and other gifts and sundry things to put together. I'd really like to sleep when I get home, especially since I have to drive to Logan. I think I'll try to take a nap now, and scrub out Kim at 4:30 a.m. Here's hoping she's done by then. On verra.

Joyeux Noël, mes amis ! Je vous aime tous !

Walking in a Winter Wonderland

We had our family Christmas party last weekend. The weather was terrible to drive in, but it made for some delightful pictures. This is me with sweet baby Sabrina. Benji had a good time in the snow! Blogger is not letting me add more pictures, so please feel free to peruse my December Picasa album. :o)

May Your Days Be Merry And Bright

I have been working on cards tonight, and I'm getting in the mood for Christmas. I haven't done much, mostly because of work, but I'm hoping to make this a little more memorable for my family, and I'd like to have our traditions centered on our Savior Jesus Christ. A friend's blog led me here, which I really like. Any other suggestions? Much love.

Just Breathe

I am feeling better, thank you. Even a friend at work commented to me that I seem better. And I do--my cough is basically gone and I have more energy. Ever since the splints came out of my nose, *shudder* I have been able to breathe much better. It's a good thing. Saturday was okay; I didn't feel great in the morning, but I was fairly productive in the afternoon. I even went to Eyeglass World to get some new specs (I think you'll approve, Sar--super cute!). I was going to go to a work Christmas party, but I realized that I had a ton of stuff to do for Primary. So I didn't. Allen cleaned out the laser printer while I worked on the laptop, and we watched "Get Smart" (SOOO funny!!!). Pretty romantic, eh? Anyway, Sunday morning I kept working on my stuff, and I has hanging out with the Benji-meister, when the phone rang. I was called in to work. LAME. I totally forgot I was on-call. So I had to hurry up and finish what I was working on, find someone to substitute for me, talk to my Primary president, take a shower, and get to work within a half-hour. Okay, it was more like 45 minutes and I went totally sans makeup. I ended up staying for 11 hours, but hey--at least it was all at time-and-a-half, and I'll probably hit overtime by the end of the week. Not fun, but it makes for a nice paycheck. Allen wasn't very happy about my having to go to work on Sunday. Neither was I, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. I think that may have been a little shove in the direction of job hunting in order for me to be able to stay home. I have been looking on the Intermountain website occasionally for IT jobs, and I found one that might work for Allen. In Logan. Much better paying than his current position. Hmmmmm. We'll see what happens. And now, my apartment building is being evacuated for an underground gas leak. Fan-freakin'-tastic. "Homeless, homeless . . . " Why does this remind me of the flood debacle last year? Grrr.

You're Making Me Ill

Hi. I have been sick for the past week or so. After the surgery, I got a cold, so I have been hacking my lungs out for a couple of weeks. I worked all of 11 hours last pay period, so I have NO MORE PTO. Boo. I wish I could have called in again today, but I can't take off any more time. It's a good thing that we get a few extra hours for the holiday, or I'd probably be in the negative again. Definitely moins efficace.

I got our Christmas cards today. They aren't as cute as I was hoping for, but I'm going to send them anyway. I'm hoping to get them out this week, but no guarantees. If you have moved recently, please send me your address! Otherwise, you'll get the e-version. Sorry.

Thanksgiving was nice. It was sad that Rachael wasn't there, but things went okay. The house was actually fairly calm, since Benji was usually the only toddler wreaking havoc. Noah and Phoebe were there for part of it, and Noah wasn't too happy with Benji. Ben would try to take whatever Noah was looking at or playing with, and Noah would hit him. But then Noah would kiss him and say, "Sorry, Benji." I took the two of them on a little walk to Ellis Elementary school to play for a little while, and they were so cute. Neither of them went down the slides, but they had fun getting out while the sun was shining. On the way back, Noah had stooped down to look at something on the sidewalk. I asked him what it was, and he said "Helicopters" (the tree seeds that have little wings to float). That's a big word for such a little guy. He's so dang smart! It's hard not to compare the two boys. Benji is slightly bigger than Noah, but Noah has him beat in pretty much every other aspect of life. Even so, they get along (usually) and have fun together. I love that they are little buddies. ***** Okay, it has been a few days since I started this post, and I need to publish it. I have been working on a Heritage Makers book for Allen's mom, and it has pretty much consumed all of my spare time. My living room is really suffering for it, too. BTW--it's not very wise to get out one's Christmas stuff when you can't finish putting it all up and when you have a precocious toddler. Here's hoping I can get our tree figured out tomorrow!

2 a.m. and . . . I'm Still Awake

Yesterday we went to see Dave & Lexy's new house in Layton. It's gorgeous! It has a ton of space, and it's very homey. I love it, and I'm so happy for them! It's right on a small reservoir. We took some family pictures so I could get our Christmas cards done. This is not the picture I used, but it shows the beautiful view behind their house. **Yes, this is my current hair color, but the red is fading so fast, I think it will be brown sooner than later. After the housewarming get-together, I went to see "New Moon" with Sarah and her friend Candice. It was okay; definitely better than the first, but you have to have read it to understand what's going on. In any case, I think Peggy's review sums it up pretty well. I went to Walmart after that, then came home. I got to bed about 3a.m. (why do I do this to myself?!), and I woke up about 9:30a.m. I finished my primary stuff, but I didn't make it to choir practice. Yes, I still sang with them, despite the cough and the splints and stuffiness and lack of practice. I'm pretty proud of myself for that. Anyway, church was fine. Primary was a bit chaotic, but I think it went pretty well. I was teaching them "For The Beauty Of The Earth," and I taped a bunch of stuff on the chalkboard to represent lyrics from the song and things we can be grateful for. I had a bunch of leaves cut out from construction paper, and I had the kids write what they were grateful for on the leaves, then I had them come tape them onto a tree trunk. Note to self: don't use double-stick tape on the chalk board. No bueno. Anyway, when we got home, Benji wasn't acting very tired (no nap), so we stayed up. Allen made stir-fry for dinner, and we watched "Ratatouille." Around 7 p.m., Benji started acting really tired. Then we realized that he was falling asleep standing up. Too funny. Anyway, after that, we just put him to bed, then I kept working on Christmas stuff (our cards are done and should arrive from VistaPrint in the next few days! Woo!). Benji started whining about 11 p.m., and he decided to wake up. So I put him in the bath and did his bedtime routine, and thankfully he's asleep now. I should be too. Happy Thanksgiving week! Yay!

Oh, Misery

I haven't written since the procedure because I have been so miserable. Wait. Let me back up. Remember my first fall back in September? Well, after about 10 doctor's visits, it was decided that I would benefit from a septoplasty. I had a deviated septum before, but after the fall, it became significantly worse. I didn't think it would be that big of a deal, but man--it sucks. I had Dr. Nicholls for anesthesia. He was great. Dr. Cole was great, too, though I hardly saw him. I saw Sandy for a couple of seconds before I went to sleep, and I was glad she was my scrub. I have no idea who my circulating nurse was; I don't even remember talking to her. It took a couple of tries for the pre-op nurse to get my i.v. started, but they were running (mostly) on time, so we didn't have to wait too long. When I got on the operating table, it hit me--it's WAY different being the one operated on. The last thing I remember is taking some deep breaths through the mask, then waking up in the recovery room (Jim did his job well!). Recovery was fine, until the local anesthetic wore off. They gave me fentanyl, which was wonderful. They gave me percocet to go home on, which is nice--better than lortab, in any case. I have been alternating the percocet with ibuprofen to try and keep on top of the pain. Plus, I got a cold on top of all the nose stuff, so I'm not bleeding from my nose anymore, I'm just trying to keep the snot and the coughing under control. Blech. I have a ton of packing in my nose, and some kind of latex stent or something. I'd really like to blow my nose. And breathe through it. And not keep a drip pad taped underneath it. But I signed up for it, so I have no one but myself to blame. Dr. Cole said that, when it's all done, I'll be able to 'park a jet in there.' Uh, somewhat comforting, and a little disturbing. I hope it helps with the snoring and stuff, even if it sucks right now. We decided to go to Logan so we could have some extra help with Benji. Mom has been a godsend, chasing after him, feeding him, changing him, etc., while I snooze. I have been sleeping in Dad's la-z-boy for the most part. It's pretty comfortable, but I miss sleeping on my side with pillows tucked all around me. I miss my bed. I miss my shower. I miss my husband (he went back to SLC last night, and I stayed here). I miss my car, although I shouldn't drive since I'm still on narcotics. I forget how blessed I am. It's always good to be reminded of the good things you have. Like the ability to breathe through one's nose.

The Places You Will Be From

I need some inspiration for today's entry. Prompt #1: Could you stay in bed all day and think? Yes, I think I could. That's one thing I really miss about being single--getting to sleep whenever I wanted; not having to get up and clean up after other people . . . I love sleeping. I don't sleep enough, because I'm such a night-owl (it's pretty rare that I get to bed before 2am). If I could, I would sleep 10 hours per night. I'm thinking we need a memory foam mattress . . . one of those 12" thick numbers. I love our 2" topper, but I could go for a bit more cush and support. *someday* Prompt #2 Do you have recurring dreams? What are they about? Not really, but I do dream about places I have never seen, and I keep going back to them. I have dreamed about a certain house with hidden rooms and passageways several times. Sometimes I have déjà vu, and when I see something, I realize that I dreamed about it. It's pretty weird. Okay, it does happen a lot in surgery, when I get the distinct feeling that I have done something before, but it happens outside as well. :o) Prompt #3 10 places I have lived, in order: Okay. Here's the deal. Before my mission, I lived in a lot of different apartments. I also moved back home to Logan a few times, so those times don't count in this list. Most of my apartments were in Salt Lake City, but in different quartiers thereof. I'll try to put all of my roommates here too. 1-Van Cott Dormitory at the University of Utah (Summer 1997). Those dorms have since been torn down. Melissa was my roomie, though she was rarely there. 2-Foothill Place; Angela, Kristi, and Shelly (school year 97-98). ***I moved home to Logan for the summer of 1998. That was an interesting summer . . . I'll write more about that later. 3-Ashton Avenue; my sister Rachael, Anona, Kristin & Katrina (school year 98-99). After Rachael & Anona moved out, some other girls moved in, but I cannot remember their names. I moved out shortly thereafter. 4-10th East, near Salt Lake Regional (Summer 1999); I lived with Shauna for a few months here. That was a great ward, with some really cute guys. 5-2nd Avenue; Carla, Tiesha (for a couple of weeks) and Ilona (school year 99-2000). ***I moved home for a few weeks before I left on my mission. 6-Missionary Training Center in Provo (June 2000-August 2000). I'll write about my companions later too. 7-North Las Vegas, Nevada (I had to wait for my visa from August-October 2000) 8-Brussels, Belgium (October 2000-February 2001) 9-Liège, Belgium (February-April 2001) 10-Nivelles, Belgium (April-August 2001) 11-Metz, France (August 2001-January 2002) Okay, so I wrote 11. Sue me. Metz (Lorraine) was my last area in my mission, and I came home in January 2002. I lived in Logan until December 2002, when I moved back to SLC. Yes, I have lived a lot of places. Post-mission info to come. Fine. I'll just write them now so they are all in the same place. **total unrelated side note--there is a guy in our apartment complex who is fixing his truck. That's fine, but good grief--do you really need to rev your engine at 1:00am? Seriously? 12-Davenshire Lane--I lived with Rachael & Rebecca (and Dad) for a few months; I think I moved out in May 2003. 13-Murray (May 2003-August 2003). Sarah Sheffield was technically my roommate, but we hardly ever saw each other. 14-3rd Avenue (August 2003-August 2004?). This was when I first lived with Bonnie-babes. 15-Sugar House (August 2004-August 2005). I lived with Bonnie in Jannette's house until I got married. I'm not sure what the grand total for roommates is, since I don't remember some names and don't really consider them as official roomies. I do hope this helps my sister Sarah feel better--I do think I have moved more than you!

That's All

I went to choir practice today. I have been trying to go more often (although I'm late pretty much every time . . .), and I'm realizing how much I miss singing with a group. I should find a community choir to join; it would also bolster my 'resume' if/when I apply for the MoTabs again. Don't worry, it won't be for a few years, I'm sure. In any case, when I go to choir, it leaves Allen to get Benji ready by himself. I admit I'm pretty relaxed when it comes to getting him dressed, but when they showed up today, I was a bit surprised. Allen put him in one of his summer one-piece outfits with some too-small pants over the top. It was kinda funny. Also, Allen won't touch his hair, so he had half of it sticking up. I'm trying to let it grow out so his crazy cowlick will eventually fall over, but now he just looks sloppy. What do you do? Benji has finally adapted to daylight savings. What a horrible thing to do to a child! It screws them up! Last week he woke up at 10am one day and 6am the next. Now that it's getting dark so early, he wants to go to bed earlier and get up later, but sometimes he won't take a nap, or it's a late nap so he's up late . . . it's a conundrum, especially with church during prime nap-time. Thankfully it's only for a couple more months. I don't particularly enjoy 9am church, but it will be much better for him. Benji is getting so big, it blows me away. He is starting to sleep on his stomach instead of with his bum in the air (although I do find him like that sometimes), and he doesn't fit sideways in his crib anymore. He'll still get himself that way, but his legs stick through the slots. He also likes to lie on his stomach in the bathtub, like he's swimming, and now he won't get out of the tub until all the water is gone. He has started gagging himself on purpose, too. I don't get it! He'll try to stick both hands into his mouth and he'll start retching. Such a funny kid.

We'll Have Halloween On Christmas

November is National Blog Posting Month. The idea is to get you into the habit of blogging every day. I obviously haven't done that, but I will try to blog a bit more often. I have been pretty preoccupied with photo editing and such, so I don't have a lot to say that doesn't reiterate how tired I am and how I'm annoyed with Allen and how my house is a mess. As such, I need a prompt to talk about something more interesting. Writing Prompt for 1 November: Your first Halloween (or the first Halloween of someone in your household). What did you do? What did you go as? I honestly don't remember my first Halloween. I don't really remember anything from Provo (I was born there, and we lived there until I was 2 1/2). I remember bits and pieces from Panguitch (we lived there until I was 10, then we moved to Logan), like the glow-in-the-dark bags, wearing The Pumpkin one year, wearing a pink slinky dress another year, although I don't remember what I was while wearing that dress. We would walk all over town (usually in the snow, decked out in coats and moon-boots), we accepted apples from strangers, etc. We never put a lot of emphasis on Halloween in my family, and I don't feel like I missed out on much. I'm pretty sure I never went trick-or-treating in Logan, but my long-term memory isn't very good. I hope Benji will get to read about his celebrations. We didn't do a lot for Halloween either, although we did do more this year than we did last year. I borrowed several costumes from my friend Benji Rideout (no, my Benji was not named after him!), who is an anesthesiologist whom I work with. He has three boys and a closet full of costumes, so my Benji has been a pumpkin, a puppy, Elmo, and an alligator this year. I don't have a picture of him in Elmo gear--I should put it on him and take a picture because it was so cute. But the alligator was fun, and I hope that Miss Mia got some use out of the pumpkin (I'd like to see some pictures of your girls in full pumpkin get-up, Beck!). We went to Logan for Halloween--that's when I took all of the pictures of the Sortors. We went to the Trunk-or-Treat at my parent's ward, which was fun. I got a Domo shirt for Allen, and I went as Flo, the Progressive Insurance girl. I love her! She cracks me up! I had some hair issues, and I wasn't going to cut bangs. Oh well--it worked. I wasn't very fond of the shade my hair turned out (Feria's "Brilliant Bordeaux" was more of a pinkish, blondish brown . . . now I like pink, but not so much in my hair). So I got it done at Paul Mitchell--The School. It's really dark, and pretty darn red, but I like it. It's a very rich mahogany. Pictures to come. Anyway, I hope you all had a good Halloween. On to Thanksgiving!

From October 2009

Girls, Girls, Girls

Okay, not much time here, but this is a preview of some of the cute pictures I took of the Sortor family on Saturday. More to come.

Oops, I Did It Again

I fell again today. At work. What the heck?! I am a serious liability! This time I was working with Dr. Fryer, and we were almost finished with some nasty facial fractures. For some reason, we were in tight quarters, with not a lot of space between us and the anesthesiologist and the walls. Dr. Fryer had asked me to get some sponges to start cleaning up the patient's face, but he was between me and the back table (where I keep all the sterile supplies). He was wearing a headlight, which is connected to a portable light source by a fiber-optic cord. The cord was about two feet off the ground, and I decided to try to go over the cord, but my foot must have caught it. I fell forward (again) onto my knees, and hit the wall, taking a set of instruments down with me. I jammed my thumb and mashed my glasses into the wall too. Yeah, I'm pretty gifted and talented that way. I was mostly able to get my glasses un-bent, but they might be done for. I do need to get new ones, so hopefully this will be the impetus to do so. It snowed today. I'm looking forward to the holidays, and I enjoy snow in moderation . . . not so much when I have to drive in it and scrape my car when I come out of work.

Turn And Face The Strange Ch-Ch-Changes

I have been spending too much time with the Picnik. It's so fun to see what you can come up with. The left one is totally unretouched. The second one is my 'vampire' pic (yes, it is possible to be more pale than I actually am!). The third is the zombie version, and the last is me as a witch. I upgraded to the Picnik Premium to be able to do these. Totally worth it. Happy Halloween, everyone!

October

I have been meaning to write a new post for some time. I have not felt very well this week, so work and appointments have taken all my energy. Here's a little slideshow of last week's super-fun Halloween party for the little ones. I think this will become another family tradition. We have never been big on Halloween, but now that we have kiddos old enough to enjoy it, I have a feeling we'll be doing more. We took Benji to Wheeler Farm in his little pumpkin costume for a few minutes. He's so stinkin' cute. Here's one of me and the boy. I had to swing him around to get him to smile, so my hair's a bit wonky. As far as appointments go, I have finally been released from WorkMed. I went to see Dr. Cole, an ENT/Plastic surgeon. I have worked with him a couple of times, and the WorkMed people made the appointment for me, so I was okay with that. He is seriously OLD SCHOOL. He wore a suit and tie, with a jacket. He wanted to look up into my nose, so he got out his glass head-lamp (which broke accidentally). Oh well. I like him. He told me what the deal was, and gave me the options. I have quite a deviated nasal septum, which contributes to the snoring and stuffiness, and doesn't help the hay-fever. He told me that there is no magic pill/spray/cure, so I could a) have surgery to straighten it out and clear out the nasal passages, or b) live with it. I think I'll have the surgery, especially if it will mean that I can avoid the cpap thing. Now we just have to see if IHC Risk Management will pay for it, and if I can get the time off work. Even if they don't, I think I'll go through with it. Yes, I asked about some cosmetic reshaping, and he said it wasn't advisable to do it at the same time, because I will have to keep some splints and packing in my nose for a week afterward, which greatly increases the chance of infection. *sigh* I will survive, even with a bulbous nose. Benji had another appointment with Dr. Hoffman, the pediatric ophthalmologist, who said he was fine. We'll just watch his wandering eye. Thankfully, Allen took him so I could sleep and not infect the hundreds of kids in their waiting room. I also got my permanent crown put in. It looks very nice--all porcelain and very white. It's really sensitive right now, though. Let's hope that goes away! So that's what's going on chez moi. Have a Happy October!

Crash Course In Brain Surgery

Tonight was slow enough that I was able to scrub in on a craniotomy. It was very interesting, and a little disturbing. I won't go into detail, but it's a very sad case, and the patient may never recover completely. It's one of those situations where you do everything you can for the patient (at an enormous cost), when it's actually for the family. But how do you decide where to draw the line? Who gets the healthcare? When do you start rationing? Who should decide what insurance should pay for? It's a mess, and I certainly don't have the answer. All I know is that if the government is going to be paying for our healthcare, they are going to want to control it. They will want access to all of our medical records and payment histories and health histories, and eventually they will want to decide who gets what . . . how much doctors get paid, how much insurance companies get paid, what procedures they should and shouldn't cover, etc. I don't know. What do you think? Another thing that has made me think is what has come of this: Sorry if some of you are shocked at this picture. I love it. I think she's beautiful, and I'm a little peeved that this gorgeous, healthy woman is considered "plus size." It's frustrating to me that, because she isn't emaciated, Lizzi has become a sensation. I love that she's getting attention, but should it be this big of a deal? Are people really that shocked to see a normal-sized woman in a magazine? Some of the smartest people I know had quite a discussion about it on facebook. It's another thing that has definitely made me think, and consider how I feel about my body. I have saved a .pdf this fairly lengthy discussion, so if you'd like to read it, let me know and I'll send you a copy. Thanks, Eric.

What's Going On

I visited with Brad (my social worker/counselor) today, and I realized that I have made some progress since I started meeting with him. I was in a really bad place mentally and emotionally, and I really am much better now. No, my life isn't perfect, and I don't think I will ever be completely satisfied with everything in my life. But I'm learning (slowly) that I'm okay to be where I am. My job isn't perfect, my family isn't perfect, my home is definitely not perfect. Oh well. I'm doing my best, and I can't do any more than that. One thing that has really helped me has been this book: It's called "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. This is a good synopsis of what it says: I'm not saying that this book has changed my life, but it definitely has given me something to think about. I'm a pretty fast reader, and this short book (only 138 pages) has taken me more than two months to read. I'm still not done, either. It's also one of very few books I have paid full-price for at Barnes & Noble. I usually choose my books from what's available at the DI or on the community bookshelf at work. I recommend it, but you should only read it if you want to do some serious introspection. It's not an 'escape' book or a lovely story. Even so, READ IT. You won't regret it.

Things Can Only Get Better

Well, my bruises have mostly healed. My nose and my knee are still a little sore, but not too bad. I had a CT of my head done last week, and I have a deviated septum. The doctor thinks that I had it before, so it shouldn't be a big deal. Even so, I am having more difficulty breathing out of my right nostril than my left, and it wasn't like that before I bit it. I'm going to make an appointment with an ENT; I'll probably go with Dr. Child, the one who helped with the transsphenoidal part of my Mom's brain surgery, or Dr. Hunter, the one who took out Sarah's tubes. I'd just like to know who's going to pay for it . . . me or IHC. I think Intermountain should, but it depends on what the WorkMed doctor recommends. Either way, I really want to have a rhinoplasty at the same time. I don't think about my nose very often, but when I really look at it or see it in pictures, I really dislike it. I don't want anything drastic (no Michael Jackson-esque results); just so that it's not so bulbous. We'll see. General Conference was very nice . . . at least what little I heard of it. We did pretty well through the Saturday morning session, but as for the rest--I didn't get much out of it. :o( Like Allen said, "That's why they have it on the internet and in the Ensign and why the replay it on KBYU." True enough. I'm at work again today; it's not too bad at the moment, but I'm tired. I think we are all getting sick. Allen has been coughing and Benji has been waking up crying in the middle of the night. He woke up this morning about 5:30 a.m. (he usually wakes up between 8-9). I let him cry for a few minutes to see if he would go back to sleep, but he didn't. So I gave him some ibuprofen and held him for a little while. He would squirm and cry if I didn't sing to him, so I sang for probably 15 minutes (until the drugs kicked in). And after that, he was up. He slid off my lap and started walking around, ready for the day. I wasn't quite as ready, so I popped in a DVD for him and I crashed out on the couch. He's so funny. I wish I knew what was wrong with him; nothing seems to be abnormal, so I think he (a) must be going through another growth spurt, (b) has headaches or (c) bad dreams or something. Poor little man. I hope he gets over it soon!

Though I've Tried, I've Fallen

I haven't written for a few days because I have been a bit slower than usual. While I was at work on Tuesday, I was training a new Surgical Tech student in O.R. 8. We were turning over the room (cleaning up for the next case), and an orderly was standing at the door holding a wet mop. I walked out the door to get a face mask, and I slipped on the water that had dripped from the mop head. Things kind-of went into a fuzzy slow-motion, where I couldn't really believe or understand what was happening. I knew I had slipped, but I didn't think I was going to 'chew asphalt.' I tripped forward, and I'm pretty sure my legs and arms were flailing. I'm not exactly sure how I fell, but I hit my nose pretty hard, and I must have caught myself with my knee and hands with such momentum that I have bruises on all my extremities. My left knee was scratched up, and the muscles between my 4th and 5th carpals are pretty sore. The bridge of my nose is still a greenish purple color, and now that the swelling has gone down, I'm not entirely sure how straight my nose is. It still may be a bit swollen, but I'm having difficulties breathing out of one nostril, and it wasn't like that before. So . . . I'm going to have a CT of my sinuses on Monday. I'm fairly I sure I could benefit from sinus surgery anyway, so if I can get Intermountain to pay for it--so much the better. As a totally unrelated side note, I have downloaded Picasa 3.5 (and although Allen is asleep, I'm sure he's shaking his head subconsciously), which has a new face-recognition feature. It's basically going through all of my pictures, and sorting everyone into his or her own album. It's not 100% accurate (especially with Lily and Tess!), and I have to re-sort some of them, it will prove quite useful--I'll have nearly all of my pictures of each individual in one place! It's pretty cool! It is taking a while (because I have so many pictures . . .), but it will be worth it. :o)

If You Want To Destroy My Sweater

First off, here's a funny video from Noah's birthday party. It was funny to see Dave go after that piñata. And now . . . The Consignment Sale. Here's my booty so far: Here are the totals: 3 sets of footie pajamas 9 shirts 13 pair of pants 1 set of overalls 3 pair of shoes 5 sweaters 2 pair of snow pants 1 snow suit 1 hat 4 books 2 CDs 1 Halloween costume (isn't it precious!?) Yes, maybe it's a little excessive, especially since I'm not done yet, but it's such a great deal. How much do you think I should have paid for all that? $86. Not too shabby, since my goal was to keep it under $120. Rachael introduced me to it. The consignment sale at Hilltop Methodist Church in Sandy, Utah is held twice a year--in the spring and in the fall. I think I first shopped at it last year, and this spring was the first time I volunteered. When you volunteer to help out, you can go to the pre-sale, which is where I went tonight. IT IS CRAZINESS, reminiscent of Black Friday sales, except that a) you never know what you are going to find, b) it's not 5 a.m., and c) you can't use a visa (cash/checks only). But there are people lined up before hand, you may be forced to park illegally, the check-out line is insanity, and there's a lot of checking out what other people have found and debating on what you can and can't afford. What's funny is that you often pick up duplicates. At least 5 of the 13 pair of pants are blue, and 2 are tan corduroys. Oh well. Anyway, it is insanity, but you can find such great deals on really nice clothes for kids who will outgrow them soon enough. At least half of the clothes I picked up are from the Gap, including 4 of the 5 sweaters (the other is from Gymboree). Rachael is such a fan of this sale that she went through the craziness two days after she gave birth to T-rooney. Speaking of . . . here's a cute picture of Mach & Tess. So that's the story. I'm going to volunteer tomorrow, and I'll probably find more things. Even Allen says it's worthwhile. :o)

Don't Run Away, It's Only Me

I started writing this at work, and I was kind-of hiding out. Okay, not really, but a) I didn't have an assignment, because my room had already finished, b) I was logged in to O.R. resource on the Vocera (so I could hear if rooms were coming out and go help), and c) I was in the staff lounge. It was a little weird to be in there by myself, but oh well. At least I didn't have people looking over my shoulder. I usually try to make myself available, since I'd rather be busy and useful than lounge around, but sometimes I just want to sit in here instead. So sue me. We went to Logan this last weekend for Noah's 2nd birthday party. It was a good time, and we got to hold the sweet new babies.

From September 2009

From September 2009

Noah is so flippin' funny! That kid can wiggle his little tushy better than anyone else I know. Benji just adores him, and when Noah beats up on him, he just laughs and thinks it's great.

From September 2009

I watched Lily & Tessa (a.k.a. "The Divas") last week so Rachael could go to Bunko, and they were so good. Of course there was a little drama, and I think Lily hit Benji a couple of times. Don't worry--Benji does his fair share of 'beating up' too, but it comes mostly in the form of stealing whatever book/toy/snack/sippy cup someone else may let go for about two seconds, and he usually only picks on Tessa (since he's older than her, and she's big enough to fight back).but considering how attached T-Rooney is, she did very well. I can't believe she's going to be one next week! And she's already walking! I love that sweet girl. Lily was very good too. She is a little jabbermouth! She forms complete sentences and sings and refers to herself in the third person, i.e., "Get Lily down, please!" She cracks me up. After I gave the girls baths and put them in pajamas, I put Tess down . . . she was so tired, and didn't put up any kind of fight. Lily didn't really want to go to bed, but after I figured out that I was supposed to leave on the "Butterfly Light" (the lamp), and we said prayers and sang a song, I told her "Night, night, Lily," and she said "Night, night, Mary" in the sweetest voice. It just melted my heart. Can you tell how much I love my nieces and nephew? :o) Here's Lily with some exceptionally sweet bed-head.

From September 2009

I didn't get to see much of Ella-Boo or Mia-Babes or Baby Sabrina (thanks a lot, Beck), but we did have a nice visit. The kids were good in church . . . no real melt-downs or screaming matches or throwing of toys. I'm pretty sure I fell asleep a couple of times, too. At least I felt comfortable enough to be able to do so! And the weather outside was perfect for taking pictures, so I got a few good ones of Lily and Tess and Benji.

From September 2009

From September 2009

From September 2009

Good times, cute kids.

I Am The Warrior

Work was pretty busy today; why are Tuesdays always so crap-tacular? For some reason, Tuesdays are almost always busier than Fridays. Does that make sense to anyone? Not me, that's for sure. I work every Tuesday, and it gets pretty old. I am at a point in my life where something needs to change. Maybe it's work . . . although it's not like I'll be able to quit (or even go part-time) any time soon. Maybe it's church . . . I'd really rather not feel obligated to be there every week and feel guilty that I haven't done everything expected of me. Maybe it's family . . . I'm feeling the pressure/desire to start trying for #2, but I feel like I'm not being a good enough mother to #1. Maybe it's home . . . it's all I can do to keep up with the laundry and dishes and cleaning up after Mr. Destructo, and I hate that I'm never caught-up. There's just a lot of pressure on me at the moment, and it can be kind-of hard to deal with sometimes. I have started talking to a counselor (a social worker who is covered by my insurance). My doctor said he wouldn't prescribe me any more drugs for the ole' noggin unless I actually did something about the depression. So it is helping me gain some perspective, and look at things from above the waves, where I don't feel like I'm drowning. I'm going to see him again tomorrow, and thankfully my deductible will be met so I don't have to shell out the $75/hour. I hope that all of you who actually read my blog feel like you can talk to me if you need a listening ear, and I hope none of you feel like I should be talking to you instead of an LCSW. Sometimes it's just good to have a third-party opinion as a sounding board, who knows what questions to ask to make you think about things you'd rather not see in yourself. That's what's going on chez moi at the moment. I hope things are a little more calm chez vous.

Good Vibrations

We had a little get-together BBQ at Rachael's house on Saturday. It was so nice just to hang out and talk and let the kids play and eat Seuao's awesome chicken & ribs! My new camera takes pretty nice pictures outside, but the inside ones leave much to be desired. *sigh* I guess that I'll just have to try to get really good lighting inside. The ones of Phoebe turned out pretty well, because Mach was standing right by the window.

From September 2009

And as an update, Benji had his 18-month appointment last week. He weighs 29 lbs 9 oz (75th percentile), and he is 34.5 inches tall (90th percentile). Remember what they said last time? Well, apparently he has grown four inches in the last four months . . . is it any wonder that he has been grumpy for the past little while!? Anyway, according to their calculations, he went from the 75th percentile in February to the 25th in May (where he lost 1/4"), and to the 90th in September. Yeah.

From September 2009

He has also started going to Nursery. It doesn't change much for me, because I'm in Primary and I couldn't keep track of him; Allen had to try to keep him restrained/entertained, so it's nice for him. I think it's a good thing for Benji. He's not used to structured activity (i.e., he doesn't know how to sit still) and having to share toys and treats and such. I hope he starts figuring it out soon! I hope things are going well in your neck of the woods. Happy Labor Day!

I've Said Too Much

All right, friends. I'm going to make my blog private , so if you need an invitation, let me know. I'll try to post something more interesting soon.

Baby, Baby, Baby

Here are another few pictures (edited with the Picnik . . . LOVE IT!!)

From Sabrina

From Sabrina

From Sabrina

They Call Her Love

I have a new niece! Sabrina Anne Sortor was born late on a rainy Sunday evening (11:30-ish) in Logan. She's gorgeous, pink and healthy. Rebecca was less than thrilled at a natural childbirth, but she's much happier now that she has some good pain meds. I'll post more pictures when I can take some better ones. This will have to do. Congratulations, Sortor Family! I love you guys!!!

From Sabrina Anne

How 'Bout Remembering Your Divinity

I'm having a little lunch break at work right now, and I thought I should write about my day yesterday. It started pretty normally, with some PBS kids in the morning and Allen getting home around 10:45. I got ready, and drove to Provo to go to a "Financial Freedom Expo" (I had seen the commercial on tv). I'll admit that I'm a pretty easy sale. I part with money easily, which is probably why I don't have any. However, I decided that I was going to have a spending moratorium this week, and I told myself I wasn't buying anything. Well . . . to make a long story short, I did (is anyone really surprised by that?). It is a company called Better Trades and they teach you how to make money in the Stock Market. The cool thing is that it's all about education. There are some very smart financial gurus on their staff, and they do seminars and web classes and symposiums, etc. And if you don't make three times the cost of the tuition in six months, they will refund your tuition. That guarantee was the main selling point for me. Anyway, when I came home and told Allen about it, he wasn't too happy. I wasn't too happy with me either, but we talked. It was a good talk; the kind that makes you remember why you fell in love with that person. Allen is a good man, with a good heart. He wants to take care of us, and he works hard. I have been so focused on the short-term; I look at the dishes I have to wash or the bills I have to pay this week. He looks at how it will be good for Benji when I can stay home with him, so he's trying to start a consulting/networking home business. I haven't been fair to him, and I have forgotten how lucky I am to have a man who loves me, and who would do anything for me. I truly am blessed.

That's Just Who I Am This Week

There's a reason why I haven't written in a while. I have started writing in a notebook, just for me. It's stuff that I don't particularly want to put on the internet, and it has taken up most of my writing ability this week. I'm finally understanding why Sarah is such a faithful journal-writer. It is very helpful to 'download,' or just get all your feelings out on paper. This week was our four-year wedding anniversary. I can't believe it has been that long, but it also seems like it has been forever. I think we both forgot about it for the most part, being so busy with work and stuff. I even forgot to put it on my calendar . . . until the day before. I had hoped Allen would surprise me with something, so I didn't mention anything until about 10pm, when it became pretty clear he had forgotten. When I asked him if he knew what the day was and why I might be annoyed. Then he realized what happened. He didn't have any excuses, and I didn't want any. I just wondered why nothing really means anything to us anymore, like holidays. We don't really do anything special unless it's with my family; we're just trying to get through every day. We are in 'survival mode,' and we have been for some time. It's very wearing on me, and on our relationship. I know a lot of couples go through rough spots. And I know I should be less selfish and more forgiving. Life certainly isn't very easy right now, so I hope you all will forgive me for not keeping up the blog. I think I'm going to make my blog private again . . . it's just that I'm not very comfortable putting so much personal stuff out there for anyone to read. I know it can be a pain, but most of those who actually read this login to blogger anyway. So if you'd like an invitation to read my blog, please shoot me an e-mail. I'll change it over at the beginning of September so you can know what to expect. Thanks for being my friends, anyway. I love you all!

Hit Me With Your Best Shot

Grandmother was in Logan for just a few days, but I had to work all week, and I was on-call all day Saturday. When I'm on call, I can't be more than 30 minutes away, or I get in Trouble (with a capital "T"). So we went to Logan on Friday, and Allen & I drove separately so I could go back Saturday night. We hung out in the front yard, ate some yummy Sam's Club pizza, and went to the Cache County Fair. Here are some pictures. This is another Picnik edit. I love this little picture! (Thanks for cleaning the window, Lex, or this wouldn't have turned out at all!) And Peggy--this one's for you.

Look At Me

I just discovered a REALLY cool photo editing site (much better than Picasa). I think I may have to upgrade to premium, but look what I did with the free stuff! Cool, right? I know! It's called Picnik. Very good stuff, and there will be more to come. :o)

This Is What It Sounds Like

I have been quite remiss in writing. Ever since my old camera bit the bullet, I just haven't felt really inspired. Yes, I do have the new camera, but I haven't had a lot of time to get to know it. Here are some of the new pictures; they should get better with time. This is the first shot with the new camera (Allen took it; I was at work). This was one of the first ones that I took. Not bad. Here are some random pictures from Pioneer Day weekend. Lily is a great subject for photos, although most of the time she moves too fast! Lily really should be paid for this product endorsement. Mia is so cute! Even though she can be a bit dramatic, she is such a sweetheart! So dainty! The many moods of Tessa-rooney . . . Gotta love the arm-rest. Here are some other random pictures from Pioneer Day weekend. Dad, looking suspicious as usual. Noah with Dave and the Phoebe-meister on Rebecca's shoulder Cute Granny and cute Mom! My fabulous friend Caroline, who is visiting from France, and who went to the Oquirrh Mountain Temple Open House and celebrated our 4-fer-birthday-bash with us. Sarah's glamour shot and our bracelets. And our sweet Phoebe. I love this tiny girl and her amazing family. On a total side note--have you ever seen Bowfinger? I just finished watching it on tv. It's hilarious! Seriously. I really need to finish this and go to bed. I'll try to blog more often so I don't have to play catch-up like this. Thanks for reading! :o)