Some things I have learned about myself:
Hi. My name is Mary, and I'm addicted to photo editing. It's a problem; I rarely post any pictures on my blog without editing them first. That's one reason why I'm very sad that Picnik is closing up shop. I seriously use Picnik all the time--it's easy, intuitive, and totally worth $25/year for all of the cool things it can do to photos. They were bought out by Google last year, and I don't know what the future holds for Picnik, there are some effects and editing properties in Google + that are Picnik-based. Even so, it's not the same. I don't know where I'm going to get my fix now. I have been thinking about getting Lightroom, which is quite popular with professional photographers. We'll see.
I like sushi. I had only tried it once before last year, and that was at a seedy drive-through sushi place (which has since closed) about 5 years ago. I ordered a California Roll and had no idea what to expect. I thought it was nasty, and since then, I hadn't even tried. When we went to California for vaycay last year, we took our friend Dom out for sushi. Uh, DELICIOUS. Of course, I didn't realize that you are supposed to eat each piece in one bite, so I totally got soy sauce all over my white shirt. *sigh* So I do the bite-size thing now, and I can even use chopsticks (not very well, but it is possible!).
I'm not the same person I was a couple of years ago. I'm not sure that I'm better (probably not, honestly), but I am different. I was doing some ortho the other day at work, and the nurse I was working with said, "This isn't the same Mary" (i.e., I have changed since I worked at IMC before). It's true; I used to be very apologetic when I didn't know what I was doing during surgery; now I'm more of a 'you-get-what-you-get' kind of girl. I'm not an expert in any particular specialty; I just do a little bit of everything (except CV). So, while I may be weaker in some areas, I can hold my own in most everything else. Plus, I still remember when Dr. Van Der Werf asked me to stop apologizing. Uh, yeah. Anyway, I guess I'm a little more confident in my abilities, or maybe I'm just better at defending myself and what I need (i.e., I'm not embarrassed to ask the surgeon to help me do something I'm not sure of). To be honest, I think working at Primary's made me <i>harder</i>, if anything. I had to learn to be tougher in surgery, or I would have cried even more than I did (which was too often).
I like action movies, <i>as long as there's a plot.</i> One of my favorite movies from last year was Super 8. I love J.J. Abrams: he's a brilliant director. His stories have fantastic plots that make you think. And his action sequences: WOW. I also love that he has his favorite actors, who he keeps bringing back into his other projects, like Alias, Lost, Star Trek, Heroes, etc. I've never watched Lost, because it will be another thing that I won't be able to stop once I start, and I can't invest in that much time yet.
I love reading. I forgot how much I enjoy it, because I haven't had much time to do it lately. Being back at IMC, I have had some time to read (it's the slow time of year), and it's so nice. I actually read an InStyle magazine from cover to cover yesterday--do you know how long it has been since I have done that? A LONG time. (Don't worry--I always have my vocera, so I'm always available to work; I'm not THAT big of a slacker!) I have read five books this month. Crazy, right? Of course, three of those were the Hunger Games series, and I literally could not put them down. Thankfully they were relatively quick reads--I only had to stay up until 3am to finish them.
So there's a few things about me. What about you?
30 January 2012
06 January 2012
Something to Remember
Well, one good thing about having given up Diet Coke: I have ankles again. I had permanent cankles because of water retention, so it's nice to see some bone again. That may be the ONLY good thing about it, because I really miss it. Anyone who knows me knows that I am seriously addicted to Diet Coke. I gave it up as a New Year's resolution, and although I'm notoriously bad at keeping resolutions, I have kept it up for 5 days now. I have been drinking more water, so I guess that is good, too.
I wanted to do a 2011 year-in-review, since I haven't written too much about the end of the year anyway. I got these questions from a socialist website, but I liked them anyway.
1. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes, my friend Martine Houmeau, and my friend Dustin Hulett. One expected, one out of the blue, and both very sad. Rest in peace, mes amis.
2. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
Will power. Organization. Money. Follow-through.
3. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Hearing Benjamin talk.
4. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My boy's. He may be a handful, but he learned and progressed so much. I'm very proud of him.
5. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
This is a socialist question. Glenn Beck made their list; I don't really have anyone I can say "appalled" me. I was surprised that Kim Kardashian's marriage lasted only 72 days, but that wasn't really depressing.
6. Where did most of your money go?
Bills. Medical, phone, cards, services, etc. They just keep coming.
7. Compared to this time last year, are you richer or poorer?
Poorer. I'm really bad with money management (another non-specific resolution is to spend less). Going back to IMC has cut my commute time drastically, so I am seeing some savings in gas money. That's nice.
8. What did you wish you’d done more of?
Exercising. Enjoying my afternoons. Traveling.
9. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Going shopping after work. It was just so easy to leave early and stop by the District on my way home.
10. What was the best book you read?
Probably U2 by U2 (don't hate!). I loved reading their story in their own words. I learned a lot about my favorite Irishmen, and I laughed at many of the pictures. Bono describes his hairstyle in the early 80's as wearing a porcupine on his head. Plus, I associate the reading of that book with an important day in Coalville.
11. What did you want and get?
A summer vacation.
12. What did you want and not get?
Not to be gimpy throughout said summer vacation. I actually had about 12 weeks off work, but many of those were spent with my arm in a sling, and almost all of it was spent sleeping on our ridiculously uncomfortable couch.
13. What was your favorite film of the year?
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2. What can I say? I'm a fan.
14. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More money!!
15. What kept you sane?
U2. I spent a lot of time listening to them, reading about them, watching their videos, attending their concert (which was INCREDIBLE), etc. They provide a major portion to the soundtrack of my life. I have to give an honorable mention to the "Because We Also Sing" choir. Even though I'm not very good, I do love singing, and the rehearsals were just what I needed to forget about everything else for a while and just enjoy creating beautiful music.
16. Who did you miss?
Joyce. Susan. Those people who are written on my heart, but who have forgotten about me.
17. Did you know anybody who got married?
My second cousin Katherine. My entire family was excluded from anything having to do with her wedding, and Sarah was actively disinvited from going. I have to say I was a little offended; their family may be rich, but I thought they were more down-to-earth than that.
18. Did you move anywhere?
Nope.
19. What pop culture event will you remember 2011 by?
In MY life, probably the U2 concert. It was "epic" (I think that's the word of the year, no?). In the world-view, the Harry Potter movie franchise coming to an end, Breaking Dawn (which I still haven't seen), Amy Winehouse, end of the war in Iraq, etc.
20. Quote a song lyric that sums up 2011.
I think that the song of the year would have to be Adele's "Rolling In The Deep." I know I'm not the only one who loves it, and it spent several weeks at #1 on every chart there is. So I think it's appropriate to quote her:
Throw your soul through every open door
Count your blessings to find what you look for
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold
You pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow
I can appreciate the Glee version of many popular songs (like "Friday"--infinitely better!), but I haven't found any version of RITD that I like as well as Adele's original. Enjoy.
And there you have it: 2011 in a nutshell. I should probably do a month-by-month recap as well, but this will suffice for now. I hope your 2011 was something to remember.
I wanted to do a 2011 year-in-review, since I haven't written too much about the end of the year anyway. I got these questions from a socialist website, but I liked them anyway.
1. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes, my friend Martine Houmeau, and my friend Dustin Hulett. One expected, one out of the blue, and both very sad. Rest in peace, mes amis.
2. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
Will power. Organization. Money. Follow-through.
3. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Hearing Benjamin talk.
4. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My boy's. He may be a handful, but he learned and progressed so much. I'm very proud of him.
5. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
This is a socialist question. Glenn Beck made their list; I don't really have anyone I can say "appalled" me. I was surprised that Kim Kardashian's marriage lasted only 72 days, but that wasn't really depressing.
6. Where did most of your money go?
Bills. Medical, phone, cards, services, etc. They just keep coming.
7. Compared to this time last year, are you richer or poorer?
Poorer. I'm really bad with money management (another non-specific resolution is to spend less). Going back to IMC has cut my commute time drastically, so I am seeing some savings in gas money. That's nice.
8. What did you wish you’d done more of?
Exercising. Enjoying my afternoons. Traveling.
9. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Going shopping after work. It was just so easy to leave early and stop by the District on my way home.
10. What was the best book you read?
Probably U2 by U2 (don't hate!). I loved reading their story in their own words. I learned a lot about my favorite Irishmen, and I laughed at many of the pictures. Bono describes his hairstyle in the early 80's as wearing a porcupine on his head. Plus, I associate the reading of that book with an important day in Coalville.
11. What did you want and get?
A summer vacation.
12. What did you want and not get?
Not to be gimpy throughout said summer vacation. I actually had about 12 weeks off work, but many of those were spent with my arm in a sling, and almost all of it was spent sleeping on our ridiculously uncomfortable couch.
13. What was your favorite film of the year?
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2. What can I say? I'm a fan.
14. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More money!!
15. What kept you sane?
U2. I spent a lot of time listening to them, reading about them, watching their videos, attending their concert (which was INCREDIBLE), etc. They provide a major portion to the soundtrack of my life. I have to give an honorable mention to the "Because We Also Sing" choir. Even though I'm not very good, I do love singing, and the rehearsals were just what I needed to forget about everything else for a while and just enjoy creating beautiful music.
16. Who did you miss?
Joyce. Susan. Those people who are written on my heart, but who have forgotten about me.
17. Did you know anybody who got married?
My second cousin Katherine. My entire family was excluded from anything having to do with her wedding, and Sarah was actively disinvited from going. I have to say I was a little offended; their family may be rich, but I thought they were more down-to-earth than that.
18. Did you move anywhere?
Nope.
19. What pop culture event will you remember 2011 by?
In MY life, probably the U2 concert. It was "epic" (I think that's the word of the year, no?). In the world-view, the Harry Potter movie franchise coming to an end, Breaking Dawn (which I still haven't seen), Amy Winehouse, end of the war in Iraq, etc.
20. Quote a song lyric that sums up 2011.
I think that the song of the year would have to be Adele's "Rolling In The Deep." I know I'm not the only one who loves it, and it spent several weeks at #1 on every chart there is. So I think it's appropriate to quote her:
Throw your soul through every open door
Count your blessings to find what you look for
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold
You pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow
I can appreciate the Glee version of many popular songs (like "Friday"--infinitely better!), but I haven't found any version of RITD that I like as well as Adele's original. Enjoy.
And there you have it: 2011 in a nutshell. I should probably do a month-by-month recap as well, but this will suffice for now. I hope your 2011 was something to remember.
02 January 2012
Nothing Changes on New Year's Day
I cannot believe how quickly last year went. I look at my Benji and realize how much he has grown, how his little face has matured, and I just wonder at the time flying by.
I started my blog four years ago, just before he was born, and while it's certainly not a complete record of the happenings in our family (uh, like Christmas!?), it's the closest thing I have. It's also my {public} journal, so I do write a lot about myself. It helps me communicate and clarify and congeal my thoughts. There's a lot I want to say, and even if nobody reads it, at least it is there for me. This is my blog; I don't really write for anybody else, though I do like to share pictures and events with my family and friends. Maybe Benjamin will appreciate it one day. Maybe not. We shall see.
So last year's resolutions were a total failure. Unlike my cute cousin Sharon, I have not kept track of percentages or anything of the like. I can tell you that I did not accomplish anything on my list. I did try, but I gave up on most of them partway through the year. I understand the necessity of goal-setting and making your goals S.M.A.R.T. (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timely). But knowing myself, I can tell you right now that I'm not going to be able to do it that way. I need to create baby-step goals: I am so busy trying to keep everything else afloat that I can't make a list and check things off as they are achieved. That's discouraging to me, and I just give up, because I don't think I'm worth putting the time and effort into whatever goal I may be working on.
Honestly, that's how it has been with my weight. I have always struggled with it, and I know what I need to do (there's no substitute for diet and exercise), but I have never felt that working on me is something worthwhile. Why put so much work into something I don't love? I am fiercely dedicated to the people and ideas and things I do love, but I don't love myself. I never have. In fact, I actively hate most of my body (the things I can control) most of the time. I'm not writing this because I want your sympathy; I am writing to help you understand where I'm coming from, and how I got to where I am.
I know I am expressly disobeying a commandment of Jesus Christ, who said: "Thou shalt blove thy cneighbour as thyself" (Matthew 19:19). I have always found it easier to love other people. This part of myself I can trace back to a single point in time: it had been building up for a while, but when I heard this song, it crystallized for me. It was at one of my first real concerts--I went to see Sarah McLachlan (by myself) at the E Center in November 1997. I don't remember who her opening act was, but this gal sang a Jim Croce song entitled "Nobody Loves a Fat Girl." The lyrics say, "Nobody loves a fat girl, But oh how a fat girl can love." Those two lines have lived in my head ever since. I have always tried to love and respect others, all the while knowing that no one would ever love me. That's one reason why I got married so quickly (3 months from first date to wedding): I didn't think anybody else would ever want to marry me.
Yes, I see the fallacies in that thinking. I know my family loves me, I know my Savior loves me, and I think my husband loves me (though I'm not sure my heart will ever really believe it). I have friends who support me and who are happy to hear from me, but none of it's really real. I can love, but I don't feel loved. Maybe I did as a child, but as an adult I never have, and I never expect to. That's just something I live with, and it's normal to me to be "dead inside." I can, however, be happy spending time with the people I love. One does not exclude the other, though I admit they do influence each other at times.
I probably shouldn't publish this, especially with my blog not being private anymore. I should let it be a permanent draft, like some other intensely personal entries. This started out as an entry about New Year's Resolutions, and it turned into a confessional. Well, I guess I will, with a small hope that no one will read it, and those who do won't make a big deal about it.
As far as goals go, I am going to lose weight this year. I never expect to be thin, and I'm sure I'll never be beautiful, but it is time to put some work into me. I physically can't keep up with my boy, so that is my main goal: to become healthier for him. He deserves a mother who can play with him, teach him by example and be good to him. I will try to do that, at least.
I started my blog four years ago, just before he was born, and while it's certainly not a complete record of the happenings in our family (uh, like Christmas!?), it's the closest thing I have. It's also my {public} journal, so I do write a lot about myself. It helps me communicate and clarify and congeal my thoughts. There's a lot I want to say, and even if nobody reads it, at least it is there for me. This is my blog; I don't really write for anybody else, though I do like to share pictures and events with my family and friends. Maybe Benjamin will appreciate it one day. Maybe not. We shall see.
So last year's resolutions were a total failure. Unlike my cute cousin Sharon, I have not kept track of percentages or anything of the like. I can tell you that I did not accomplish anything on my list. I did try, but I gave up on most of them partway through the year. I understand the necessity of goal-setting and making your goals S.M.A.R.T. (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timely). But knowing myself, I can tell you right now that I'm not going to be able to do it that way. I need to create baby-step goals: I am so busy trying to keep everything else afloat that I can't make a list and check things off as they are achieved. That's discouraging to me, and I just give up, because I don't think I'm worth putting the time and effort into whatever goal I may be working on.
Honestly, that's how it has been with my weight. I have always struggled with it, and I know what I need to do (there's no substitute for diet and exercise), but I have never felt that working on me is something worthwhile. Why put so much work into something I don't love? I am fiercely dedicated to the people and ideas and things I do love, but I don't love myself. I never have. In fact, I actively hate most of my body (the things I can control) most of the time. I'm not writing this because I want your sympathy; I am writing to help you understand where I'm coming from, and how I got to where I am.
I know I am expressly disobeying a commandment of Jesus Christ, who said: "Thou shalt blove thy cneighbour as thyself" (Matthew 19:19). I have always found it easier to love other people. This part of myself I can trace back to a single point in time: it had been building up for a while, but when I heard this song, it crystallized for me. It was at one of my first real concerts--I went to see Sarah McLachlan (by myself) at the E Center in November 1997. I don't remember who her opening act was, but this gal sang a Jim Croce song entitled "Nobody Loves a Fat Girl." The lyrics say, "Nobody loves a fat girl, But oh how a fat girl can love." Those two lines have lived in my head ever since. I have always tried to love and respect others, all the while knowing that no one would ever love me. That's one reason why I got married so quickly (3 months from first date to wedding): I didn't think anybody else would ever want to marry me.
Yes, I see the fallacies in that thinking. I know my family loves me, I know my Savior loves me, and I think my husband loves me (though I'm not sure my heart will ever really believe it). I have friends who support me and who are happy to hear from me, but none of it's really real. I can love, but I don't feel loved. Maybe I did as a child, but as an adult I never have, and I never expect to. That's just something I live with, and it's normal to me to be "dead inside." I can, however, be happy spending time with the people I love. One does not exclude the other, though I admit they do influence each other at times.
I probably shouldn't publish this, especially with my blog not being private anymore. I should let it be a permanent draft, like some other intensely personal entries. This started out as an entry about New Year's Resolutions, and it turned into a confessional. Well, I guess I will, with a small hope that no one will read it, and those who do won't make a big deal about it.
As far as goals go, I am going to lose weight this year. I never expect to be thin, and I'm sure I'll never be beautiful, but it is time to put some work into me. I physically can't keep up with my boy, so that is my main goal: to become healthier for him. He deserves a mother who can play with him, teach him by example and be good to him. I will try to do that, at least.
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