I Don't Know Which Side I'm On

Quotes from my Facebook wall after the declaration of Barack Obama as the re-elected president:

• Sherri Butler: Yay!
• Melissa Boren:  Ok so canada, mexico, or australia......... mark my words america by the end of this term ur gunna be kicking urselves in the ass!!!!! Women ur still not going to have everything u want, gays we still arent gunna be able to get married In all states, health care is gunna suck ass, and our debt will be higher than ever! That is all I'm done tomorrow is just another day
• Emily McWidener:  Putin will be stoked that Obama has more flexibility now.
  
• George Takei:  Overheard: "And America proves once again, once you go black..."  Oh Myyy...
• Mary Woolf Christensen:  I'm so sick right now!!
• Elizabeth Dunn:  Oh thank you Fate!
• Des Burke:  Yeah!!!!
• Camie Shunn Harper:  Depressing!
• Aaron Williams:  I'm hearing rumors that we can expect an official announcement from the LDS church that we will be allowed to "drink this one off." Can anyone confirm?

That's just a sample.  I have gotten myself so worked up over this election that I honestly feel sick.  Let me back up a little . . . My mom has always been politically active, and my dad has always been fairly quiet, though they are both  Republican.  We had a signed picture of Congressman Jim Hansen in our house in Panguitch growing up.  I'm not sure what my mom did for his campaigns, but I felt like good Mormons were supposed to be Republicans.  I remember asking/accusing our family friend Mary Harris of being a Democrat, like there was something evil about affiliating yourself with such a party. I never thought much about politics in High School (Bill Clinton era), but once I started attending the University of Utah . . . hoooo doggy.  The U is a very liberal school, though it is large enough for quite a lot of diversity.  As a science major, I felt like anyone who was cool or smart or thoughtful had to be a Democrat.  I wanted to feel like part of that, and as a bit of a rebel, I decided I was, too.  For a very brief period, I declared myself as a Political Science major, but once I took some of the classes, I realized how much I hate arguing and finger pointing.  I will admit to voting for Gore in 2000 (in the primaries, before I left on my mission).  Because of this, my mother still calls me a "Raging Democrat." Now that I am in my 30's, I can see both sides.  This infographic is very helpful in the current definition of Democrat and Republican.

 

I find myself on both sides of the political spectrum; I don't think it's wise to be all one way or the other, and neither side is better than the other.  I also think that both the Democratic and Republican parties are corrupt.  Honestly, I don't trust anyone in the Federal government; I think they all have hidden agendas and are in bed with lobbyists and are out of touch with reality.  I cannot, in good conscience, affiliate myself with any political party. I have plenty of friends, many of whom are very intelligent and educated people, who are very Democratic.  I respect them, and their opinions.  They encourage me to question what I believe politically, which I think is a good thing. That being said, I do tend to lean slightly to the right.  My ballot consists of more Republicans than Democrats, but I try to consider each individual and his or her qualifications, and I try to vote accordingly. I will admit to listening to unfortunate amounts of talk radio lately.  I'll blame it on the move, since significant amount of time was spent cleaning the old apartment with the radio on, and since I had to drive Allen's car several times.  Anyway, what they (Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, etc.) said made sense to me.  They were so positive about Romney winning the presidential election, and so very negative about the future of President Obama's "regime."  I voted for Mitt Romney, and he lost.  I was scrubbed in a procurement for most of the evening, so when I found out, it was pretty depressing Well . . . after having been in a pretty dark mood for the past couple of days (and realizing that yes, I do still need to take my antidepressants), I'm starting to get over it.  I'm not entirely sure the voting machines weren't tampered with, I hate the electoral college, and I do think Obama makes a better rockstar than a president.  I am afraid for our country.  I don't think the future is bright, and I'm astounded that more people didn't see through the president's façade.  We saw some of his true colors during the debates and on the campaign trail, when he came across as arrogant and malicious.  Oh, he can turn on the charm and be likable when he wants to.  He can be very inspiring when he's reading from a teleprompter.  But I don't believe he has America's best interests at heart.





I want to like President Obama.  I want to think that America will be in better shape come 2016, but I just can't believe it.  I also think that the truth behind the Bengazi attacks will change this presidency significantly.  Can I go back to ignoring Washington?  I truly thought that a Romney presidency would change things for the better, with him balancing the budget and bringing back the economy and fighting for a stronger United States.  I think the economy is headed for a serious depression, and no "government bailout" will stave it off. And if the U.S. economy tanks, the world's economy will tank, and then things will get really ugly.

My outlook is not bright.  I only see myself working harder, bringing home less, and trying to be self-sufficient when it's getting more and more difficult to pay the bills.  And then I remember how little I see Benji already, how much of his childhood I am missing just trying to be a contributing member of society and to earn enough money to keep this family afloat.  It sucks.  I need to get over it and move on, if not for Benji then for the sake of my own sanity.  In any case, I'm glad the election is over.  The endless arguing and one-upping and finger-pointing drives me batty.

"I don't know, I don't know which side I'm on.
I don't know my right from left or my right from wrong."
--U2

The Old Apartment

I have had a lot on my mind lately, but not a lot of time to write about it.  I menltioned it earlier, but that's about as far as I got.  Well . . . we have moved.  It was an ordeal.  The whole month of October pretty much sucked.  A lot of people told me they would rather move across country than across town.  I understand why.  Our apartment was so small that we kind-of had to take it a load at a time, just to have someplace to put the stuff.  I can't tell you how many times I drove back and forth.  My car is still not back to normal.

{By the way . . . I'm watching "Night At The Roxbury" right now, and it's so funny I'm having a hard time concentrating long enough to write something!  "Steve, don't hit on the bridesmaid.  It's your wedding!"  I need some Fluffi Whip!}

We are mostly moved in now.  It's down to unpacking and organizing, which isn't very easy.  There's definitely more room here at the house, but we need furniture and shelving.  We ended up tossing most of the furniture, because it was old, in VERY rough shape, and some of it was even moldy (thanks to the awesome swamp cooler).  So, as of now, our seating options consist of a rocking chair.  Yeah.  It's less than convenient; especially with nothing in the kitchen.  I did go to the D.I. today (we have made plenty of trips there as well; I got rid of at least 20% of my wardrobe, and I still have too many clothes!) and I bought a chaise lounge for $20.  It's in decent shape, but pretty dirty.  Good thing we have a steam cleaner, eh?  We also need to get the couches from Logan; I don't know how or when that is going to happen.  Renting a truck will cost at least $100, and now Allen tells me that our former landlord is charging us $1200 to replace the carpet in the apartment.  I'm so pissed about that!  We have got to find that contract; it is lost somewhere in the paper shuffle of the move.  I tried so hard to get organized before we left.  It's just an ongoing process, but seriously--isn't that what a deposit is for?  Isn't carpet replacement par-for-the-course when you own apartments?  It's unbelievable that he wants to charge us $1200 on top of our $400 deposit (which we obviously won't get back).  AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!

So most of October was spent moving.  It wasn't pretty, and it REALLY wasn't very fun.  We had a little bit of help from ward members and from Allen's friend Aaron, but we did most of it ourselves.  Honestly, I never want to move again.  Sure, someday I'd like a bigger house (preferably one with a master bath), but it was horrible.  I'm glad it's done.  I actually like organizing and putting things back together; I just wish I had more money to purchase shelves and blinds and such.  Why does it all come back to money?  Gah.

Even Halloween sucked.  I woke up at 3:30a.m. (just as Allen was leaving to go to work) to the sweet sound of Benji projectile vomiting.  I knew he couldn't go to school, and I also knew that I had to get a lot done, and I was scheduled for a 12-hour shift.  So I ended up calling in sick, and we spent the entire day at the apartment cleaning.  One good thing about having a child who doesn't voice an opinion on what we do is that he doesn't voice an opinion on what we do.  He didn't care that he didn't go trick-or-treating.  He didn't care that all we ate that day was pizza from Costco.  Yes, I felt like I had flunked-out of Motherhood 101 because I had to do so much cleaning at the old apartment, I didn't dress Benji up or take him trick-or-treating, and I put off so much until the very last day of the month.  But . . . Benji didn't care.  Sometimes Autism can work to your advantage.  Most of the time it sucks, and it leaves me depressed and frustrated, but sometimes it can be helpful.

There are a lot of things I'd like to write about, but I need to go to bed.  Benji has to be on the bus at 7:05a.m., and I have to work tomorrow.  I'd also like to get the curtains up in the living room, clean out my car, and pick up the chaise before I go to work at 11.  I'm glad I voted early, because there's no way I could do that tomorrow, too.  Can I just say how glad I am the election will be over tomorrow?  I hate the landscape (and airwaves) littered with political paraphernalia.  All the arguing about who is right and who is better and who did what angers me and wears me out mentally.  It's too much.  I have been listening to more talk radio lately, which I usually try to avoid.  I do think the whole Bengazi cover-up will turn into something big, and I'm angry that the administration has kept it mostly under wraps because of the election.  There is so much lying and bitterness and, while I'm glad people are getting worked up about the election, I'm afraid they are getting worked up over the wrong things.  For me, it's all about the economy.  That's what affects me every day.  Even the prices of stuff at the D.I. (the thrift store) seem to have gone up.  I can't believe I paid $3 for a used muffin tin!  The chaise was a pretty good deal, but they wanted $25 for shelves that you can buy new for $30.  I voted for Romney because I think he has a better way to get the economy back on-track.  Obama has had four years to try, and I don't think my family (or this country) can afford four more years of his policies.  I am blessed to have a full-time job, I am blessed to have a working car, I am incredibly grateful that Benji has a scholarship to Pingree, and I am very lucky to be in a house now.  It's how we can afford everything else that worries me.  Money.  Ugh.  I would like it better if I had more of it, I'm sure.