I didn't take many pictures of Benji's birthday party; I was busy trying to put everything together at the last minute. Since I'm at work tonight, and it's currently 3:49am, I'll share the ones I got later. Instead, I want to write a little bit about Valentine's Day.
Actually, let me back up. I want to write a little bit about Jane Austen. "Pride and Prejudice" was published 200 years ago, which is giving many fans an excuse to re-read her wonderful novels. I think I have read them all {she only had six published novels}. I have been meaning to read them again, and I probably will this year. I have always wanted to be the Elizabeth Bennet character {who wouldn't? Smart, sassy, self-righteous, pretty, and she marries Mr. Darcy in the end!}, but I have recently come to a different conclusion.
I am Charlotte Lucas.
Of all the characters in P&P, I think I am most like Charlotte. She is quite plain and practical, and she comes from a good family. She agrees to marry Mr. Collins after not knowing him for very long {um, overnight?}, and ends up living a quiet, comfortable life in a parsonage.
I am not saying that Allen is Mr. Collins; Allen doesn't really fit into any of the characters in P&P. It's just that the situations resemble each other. We didn't take much time to get to know each other before we got married, and the ways we live our lives work in similar fashions.
So, back to Valentine's Day. I used to call it "Valen-Death Day," or "Single Awareness Day {S.A.D.}." I like what Jennifer Garner's character said in the movie "Valentine's Day," when asked by McDreamy what there is to hate about the holiday.
"Nothing, if you're a handsome, divorced doctor, but for the rest of us single women, it's kind of a giant cosmic b****slap. It's like the universe saying, look, remember when you were fourteen and you had cystic acne and braces and you played the saxophone in the marching band and no one would invite you to the winter formal? Well nothing's changed."
Yep. I never had a boyfriend on Valentine's, and then in 2006 I had a husband. And it was pretty sad to learn that he just didn't care. I cannot remember his doing anything for me for Valentine's Day. Maybe some flowers from Costco {certainly not delivered}, maybe going out to dinner. And then, in 2008, I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy, and Valentine's became all about him. I have hardly had time to think about it, because I'm so consumed with party planning around this time of year.
All that being said, there's always that hope: that pathetic little voice in the back of your head that hopes you will be the one who receives the ginormous bouquet at work; that someone will tell/show the world in some grand, romantic gesture how lucky they are to have you. The Charlotte Lucas in me knows that will never happen, and while that doesn't really bother me most of the time, it does on Valentine's Day.
My sister Sarah has quit Facebook, because she would compare her relationship to others. It's true: Facebook is a place where many people brag about how great their lives are, how lucky they are, how much they love their S.O.'s, etc. My friend Katelyn {a former coworker} is waiting for her boyfriend to come home from serving an LDS mission, and everyday she puts up a countdown and another long reason/story of why they belong together. It's so sweet I almost get cavities just from reading.
I may have written about this analogy before, but there's also the "Johnny Lingo Effect." Johnny Lingo is a short movie produced by the LDS Church back in 1969. It's pretty cheesy, but it's definitely part of the Mormon Culture, if you will.
{Adapted from Wikipedia} It's basically about a man who is a shrewd Polynesian trader. Lingo has come to one island to bargain for a wife. Mahana, the young woman he desires, is considered by her neighbors and even her father to be of little value, sullen, ugly and undesirable. As the bargaining is about to begin, women of the island brag to each other of how many cows their husbands had given for each of them, and comment that Mahana's father will be lucky to see one cow as Lingo's offer. The counselor advises Mahana's father to ask for three cows so that finally, Moki (Mahana's father) will at least get one cow.
The bargaining begins and as the counselor suggested that Moki ask Johnny Lingo three cows. Since this is a public event, everyone laughs, then wait for Lingo to make his counter-offer, certain that he will make a devastating bargain.
Lingo, considering, says that three cows are many . . ."But not enough for my Mahana!" He then offers the unheard-of price of eight cows for her hand in marriage. The next day, the villagers gather at the house of Mahana's father to see the completion of the deal. Some of the islanders say that Lingo reconsidered his deal and would not show up. But Lingo brings the cows. He and Mahana then leave the island on a trading trip.
When they come back, the island storekeeper, everyone is astonished to discover that Mahana is a beautiful, happy woman. Even Mahana's father began accusing Johnny Lingo of cheating him by giving only eight cows for a girl truly worth ten cows. Johnny, her proud husband, had proved to her that her true worth had nothing to do with what others saw, but only what she truly was.
He had made the best bargain of all -- a few cows for a life with the woman that he loved.
The bargaining begins and as the counselor suggested that Moki ask Johnny Lingo three cows. Since this is a public event, everyone laughs, then wait for Lingo to make his counter-offer, certain that he will make a devastating bargain.
Lingo, considering, says that three cows are many . . ."But not enough for my Mahana!" He then offers the unheard-of price of eight cows for her hand in marriage. The next day, the villagers gather at the house of Mahana's father to see the completion of the deal. Some of the islanders say that Lingo reconsidered his deal and would not show up. But Lingo brings the cows. He and Mahana then leave the island on a trading trip.
When they come back, the island storekeeper, everyone is astonished to discover that Mahana is a beautiful, happy woman. Even Mahana's father began accusing Johnny Lingo of cheating him by giving only eight cows for a girl truly worth ten cows. Johnny, her proud husband, had proved to her that her true worth had nothing to do with what others saw, but only what she truly was.
He had made the best bargain of all -- a few cows for a life with the woman that he loved.
I think the closest thing we have to this trade, this 'calculation of a woman's worth' is the size of a woman's diamond on her engagement ring. How much is your man willing to pay for you? How much does he think you are worth?
Me? Nothing. Allen has never bought me a ring.
He has purchased some jewelry for me, though I don't wear them very often {necklaces are too small and look like chokers, earrings are not my style}. I have bought a couple of different CZ rings, which are pretty, but ever since I started scrubbing, I haven't worn them. I'll pull them out every once in a while, but I'm very self-conscious and uncomfortable with wearing them.
Most of the time {like the rest of the year}, I don't care. I have bought Allen a couple of different rings as well, and he doesn't wear his either. When we decided to get married, all I wanted was to be done with the dating game. I was tired of waiting for someone who was never going to love me back, and I didn't see any other decent prospects on the horizon. So I took the leap without a ring. I don't think Allen had even met my dad before we told him we were getting married, so there was certainly no bargaining or permission-asking or anything traditional like that.
I have always been a strong-minded {read: stubborn} person, and I want to do things my own way. I wanted to get married, and I didn't care about something as silly as a ring. Like Charlotte, I have never been a romantic; I'm far too practical. And I'm grateful for the things I do have, which many people do not: a family, a child, a home, a car, a job, friends, a temple marriage, etc. All in all, I'm a pretty lucky girl.
So that one day a year, when the retailers of the world want you to celebrate LOVE by spending your hard-earned money on frivolous gifts and cards and flowers, and when your husband buys LED lightbulbs instead of chocolates, it's no big deal, right? When he takes the day off of work for no real reason, so you get dolled up thinking you'll at least go out to lunch, and instead you end up giving him gas money and he takes off to go to your child's party at school, it doesn't make that much of a difference, right?
Charlotte says it shouldn't. But it does.
