Neither Lost Nor Found

If you haven't noticed, all of my blog posts for the past several months have been quotes from Mumford and Sons.  I have been listening to Babel over and over again in my car, because it's just so good.  I'll write more about them later, but I will say that one of many reasons I love their music is because the lyrics really make me think (and feel).  I have a few mild obsessions of late, mostly Mumford and Sons and Doctor Who.  It's not super-duper healthy, but there are worse things, right?

Speaking of Doctor Who, I have been thinking about an episode from the 5th season, called Vincent and The Doctor.  The Doctor takes Amy Pond to the Musée d'Orsay, where they visit the gallery dedicated to Van Gogh.  The Doctor notices something amiss in one of the paintings, and with the help of a Professor Black (the lovely Bill Nighy as a Van Gogh expert), he takes Amy back in time to meet Van Gogh in Provence and (of course) fix the problem.  They do, and as they are leaving, the Doctor decides to take Vincent back to 2010 to the Musée d'Orsay so he can see how his work is appreciated.  Because Van Gogh was ridiculed and very poor at the time of his death, it is very sweet to see how he is affected by Dr. Black's declaration of how Van Gogh was one of the greatest painters who ever lived by transforming pain into beauty.  It made me cry a little bit.

Image from "Vincent and the Doctor," from: http://culturemass.com/2013/05/03/cm-picks-doctor-who-memorable-moments/

At the end of the episode, after the Doctor and Amy Pond take Vincent back to Provence, they go back to the Musée d'Orsay, where Amy thinks that this experience will cause time to be rewritten, and Van Gogh will have created many more paintings.  Upon their return, they find that not much had changed; Vincent still committed suicide only a few months after they left him, and Amy says that they didn't make a difference at all.  Then, the Doctor says something that has stuck with me (this is one of my all-time favorite Doctor Who quotes):

"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant. And we definitely added to his pile of good things."

I know many people wouldn't, but I put Facebook in my pile of good things.  There are a lot of reasons to dislike FB, but I am so grateful for the chance to reconnect with so many people whom I haven't seen in years, as well as get insights into the lives of people I see frequently.  I love reading what people have to say (for the most part), though sometimes it gets a little heated (yet another reason to dislike election season).

An important discussion started last Sunday, just after General Conference finished.  I was reading a summary of some of the talks, and somehow I ended up posting this article to my Facebook page, with the title: "Leaders say Mormons cannot condone same-sex marriage."  Truthfully, I didn't do it on purpose, and when I realized I did, I hoped I hadn't offended any of my friends who are homosexual.  So I posted this:

Mary Nolan Cox

October 6 near Kearns via mobile

I struggle with the issue of same-sex marriage because of my religion. I believe we all deserve the same rights, and I believe that God loves everyone equally. I have dear friends and relatives who are gay, and I hope you are not offended by the article I posted. We all deserve love and respect. We are all brothers and sisters.

I don't know that I've ever had so many passionate comments on a post, which tells me that people feel very strongly about the subject.  Most of the comments (and some were quite lengthy) were very respectful and kind, and many valid points were made.  I wanted to respond to them all, but I didn't want to do it on FB.  So here I'm doing it here.  I hope I can give some insight into the conflict many of us feel.

First: I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I am a Mormon.  I was born into an active, church-going family, and I have been attending church regularly for my entire life.  I served a mission for my church, and I will continue to be a member for as long as I live.  One of the most beautiful things about my religion is how we are urged to question.  We are instructed to seek out the answers for ourselves, to find out if what the leaders say is true.  I have personally read the Book of Mormon, listened to the Prophet, been baptized, and made covenants in the temple.  I have not done these things because I am brainwashed or because they were expected of me; I did them because I knew they were right.  I have a testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ because I asked.  I prayed and received an answer that this church is the true church of God.  I know this independently, because the Spirit of the Lord has confirmed it in my heart and mind over and over again (D&C 8:2).

That being said, the LDS Church is not perfect.  As was said in General Conference, "I suppose the Church would be perfect only if it were run by perfect beings. God is perfect, and His doctrine is pure. But He works through us—His imperfect children—and imperfect people make mistakes" (President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Come Join With Us," October 2013).  There are some things I don't love about being an active member (like the time commitment), and there are other things I really don't like (such as the handling of Proposition 8, though things are changing with that too--read here).  And as much as I love living in Utah, I believe the LDS Church has too much influence on our state government.  Very little is done without the church's approbation, and many laws are based on LDS values.  That is not always a bad thing, but I feel it takes away from the freedom of choice.  The liquor laws in Utah are ridiculous, and while I'm not an advocate of drinking, I do know that restricting the licenses of businesses is not good for the economy.  I don't think you can legislate morality; for example, making a law that you cannot buy alcohol on Sundays will not stop people from drinking alcohol on Sundays.  Making gambling illegal in the state will not stop people from driving across the border to buy tickets for the Powerball Lottery.  I say that if people are going to do something anyway, let us benefit from it.  As Joseph Smith said:  "I teach them correct principles, and they govern themselves."  Church and state are supposed to be separate, and for good reason.

Even though the pile of good things about the LDS Church greatly outnumbers the pile of bad things, when it comes to sustaining the leaders of the Church, the thing that weighs most heavily on my mind is the issue of same-sex marriage.  The brethren are very consistent, saying that the church cannot condone same-sex marriage.  "While we are to emulate our Savior’s kindness and compassion, while we are to value the rights and feelings of all of God’s children, we cannot change His doctrine. It is not ours to change. His doctrine is ours to study, understand, and uphold" (Elder Russell M. Nelson, "Decisions For Eternity," October 2013).

I sustain the leadership of my church.  I believe that they are doing what they feel to be right.  Part of me knows that I should agree with them 100%.  But I don't.

I do not see what is wrong with loving someone, regardless of gender.  I don't see how legalizing a relationship between two men or two women threatens marriage between one man and one woman.  I don't see why I should have rights that others do not, because the person I married happens to be of the opposite gender.  Personally, I think that when two people want to commit to each other, there shouldn't be laws against it.  I think gay marriage is beautiful, and that the fight for equality is worth supporting.

Where I'm coming from, I can see both sides of the equation.  I hear both arguments and find them both valid.  I read stories of how families are torn apart by this issue and wonder at how this could possibly be better than acceptance.  In all honesty, I just cannot lean one way or the other--saying one side is right and the other is wrong.  I have always tried to be a peacemaker and to avoid confrontation.  I hate feeling such conflict.  It tears me up inside.

So what is my role in all of this?  I may have helped spark a conversation, one which (I hope) has helped some people think about this a bit more.  I have personally done more research and prayed about this subject than I ever have.  In doing so, I found this website: http://www.mormonsandgays.org/.  It really helps me see that attitudes are changing, even though the law of God does not.  And it reminds me that we are all sinners; we are all beggars before the Lord, and we are all in need of His atonement.

In all of the contemplation and heartache of the past few days, one thought has been my mantra: It is not my place to judge.  It is my job to love. (I'm pretty sure I got it from this blog post, which I first read over a year ago).  I can't say what is right and what is wrong for everyone, because each person has his or her own definition.  I cannot walk in the shoes of those who have been on the receiving end of this kind of discrimination and judgement, nor can I condone the self-righteous attitudes of lawmakers, whether or not I agree with them.  I believe that God is kind, and He will judge us according to many things--not just our sexual orientation.  

This is an excellent Q&A about the stance of the church, and in it, Elder Dallin H. Oaks makes a powerful statement:

" . . . Some people consider feelings of same-gender attraction to be the defining fact of their existence. There are also people who consider the defining fact of their existence that they are from Texas or that they were in the United States Marines. Or they are red-headed, or they are the best basketball player that ever played for such-and-such a high school. People can adopt a characteristic as the defining example of their existence and often those characteristics are physical.

"We have the agency to choose which characteristics will define us; those choices are not thrust upon us.

"The ultimate defining fact for all of us is that we are children of Heavenly Parents, born on this earth for a purpose, and born with a divine destiny. Whenever any of those other notions, whatever they may be, gets in the way of that ultimate defining fact, then it is destructive and it leads us down the wrong path."

I don't want to judge anyone.  I don't want to offend anyone (though I'm sure I have and will), and I have been working on this post for several days, making sure that this is what I really want to say.  What it all boils down to is that I don't want to change the world; I just want to help others feel the love of our Savior.

While driving in to work last week, I was contemplating my response to all of these comments and arguments.  I was listening to "Holland Road" by Mumford and Sons, and it reminded me of the episode of Doctor Who I wrote about earlier.  The realization of the simplicity of my answer took my breath away.

I want to be a person who adds to your pile of good things.  There's not a lot I can do to ease the burdens of those who have to live with these difficult circumstances.  There is some service I can give, some beauty I can contribute to this world to help people get through their hard times.  I usually can't take burdens away, but maybe I can help make them a little lighter.

It's not the revelation I was looking for, but this is an answer for me.  I don't have all of the answers right now; I don't have the ability to understand all the mysteries of God.  There are a lot of things I struggle with, and I have a very long way to go until I can see as perfectly as our Father in Heaven, but I do have a big heart.  I have so much love for you, my friends and family, and I know that's just a tiny portion of the love Jesus has for each of us.  It's hard to feel sometimes, especially when I let the adversary tell me I am unworthy, but it's always there.  Although we ALL have piles of bad things, God has given us so much for our piles of good things.  He has given us gifts and talents we can share and use to bless the lives of others.  

Please know that you are loved.  You are cherished.  Our Father in Heaven created you, and He loves you, whether or not you believe in Him.  I love Him, and I love you, truly.  Please let me know how I can add to your pile of good things.

from: http://godisawhale.tumblr.com/post/34011344555

Maybe This'll Be My Year

2012 was a pretty big year chez moi. I started this a few days ago, but it has finally come together.  I'm stealing this "Year in Review" survey from "The New Me."    Enjoy, and feel free to write your own.  It does make you think about your year!

1. What did you do in 2012 that you'd never done before? 

   Go on a Disney Cruise!

2. Did you keep your New Year's Resolutions, and will you make more for next year? 

   Negative, Ghost Rider. I lasted about 6 weeks off the Diet Coke. For 2013, I resolve to be fabulous...and to turn Lexy into a U2 fan.  I've been thinking about it, and I do need some concrete goals.  As such, I will read at least 12 books, and I will blog at least once per week.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? 

   Actually, no. Several Facebook friends, a couple of coworkers, and my cousin Heather gave birth, but no babies in the immediate family.  We did acquire two dogs (Zoe and Joey, or ZoZo and JoJo) who are treated like babies by the kiddos.  They are pretty cute.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

   No. I'm very thankful for that. Several big celebrities died this year, like Whitney Houston, Dick Clark, Neil Armstrong, and Michael Clarke Duncan.  

5. What places did you visit? 

    California (twice), Puerta Vallarta, Cabo San Lucas

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?

   More time with loved ones...and more money.  

7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched in your memory, and why?

   February 26th--the day we embarked on the Disney Wonder.  The only other day I can really think of is November 6--the day of the presidential election.  There was so much build-up and serious depression afterward, it was kind-of a big deal.  I'm over it now, and I'm extremely grateful election season is done for a while.  I HATE IT.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

   Getting us into a house.  I don't believe Allen would have done it without a lot of pushing and cajoling on my part, so I'm pretty proud of that.

9. What was your biggest failure?
   Christmas cards. I had every intention of getting real family pictures taken, designing my own cards, getting them printed, personalized with hand-written notes, shipped, addressed, and mailed out in early December. Cards really are a huge project, and it just didn't happen. I did make a little subway art type newsletter, which I thought turned out nicely.  Here is the card I made; it is not the one we sent out, because I ran out of time (surprise!).  The one we sent out was a Costco special; I WILL start earlier this year!

  I really liked it, so don't be surprised if you see something similar next year...I'm just sayin'.  Oh--and here's the newsletter:

10: Did you suffer illness or injury? 

   Nothing big like the shoulder injury last year, but I did have a couple of nasty colds, one combined with a stomach flu. I think I missed about a week of work with that incident.  Definitely moins efficace.

 11. What was the best thing you bought? 

   The "Golden Ticket" to see {and meet!} Train @ the Gallivan Center. I paid a fair amount of money for that spot on the front-row. Totally worth it.

12. Who's behavior merited celebration?

   I can't think of anyone whose behavior has been exemplary; certainly not me. I'll give this award to Benji. His progress is definitely reason to celebrate. He is looking me in the eye much more often, using a couple of complete sentences {with prompting}, using the potty most of the time, and even following some directions. I am so proud of my little man.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
   I'm going to go with every politician in Washington. I don't have faith in any of 'em, especially Monsieur le President.

14. Where did most of your money go?

   Bills, and the gas tank.

15. What did you get really excited about?

   Concerts! Having someone to go with makes it much more fun. Love you, Allison!  Here's a picture from our latest outing {road-trip to Boise with Allison's son Cameron and his friend Dawson, to see Keane @ the Knitting Factory}:

16. What song will always remind you of 2012? 

   "We Are Young" by fun. It's not my favorite song of the year, but it got a lot of air play.  I should do a Mary's Top Ten countdown of the year.  Here you go:

  

  10.  I Will Wait by Mumford and Sons {they were so great on SNL!}  

   9.  50 Ways To Say Goodbye by Train

   8.  Shake It Out by Florence + The Machine 

   7.  We Are Young by fun.

   6.  Skyfall by Adele

   5.  It's Time by Imagine Dragons

   4.  Tongue Tied by Grouplove

   3.  Cough Syrup by Young the Giant {though I think I like the Glee version better.  Heartbreaking.}

   2.  Somebody That I Used To Know by Gotye

   1.  Some Nights by fun.

I did not include songs from the Albums of the Year {Strangeland by Keane and Battle Born by The Killers}, because there are so many good songs that it's impossible to narrow it down.  Sorry!

As for the worst song of the year?  "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen.  It may have been one of the most popular songs of the year, but I can't stand it.  I have tried listening to it and haven't made it all the way through.  I feel myself losing brain cells every time I hear it.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
   a. happier or sadder? About the same, but in different ways. I'm happier with where I am, but some days, certain situations get to me.
   b. thinner or fatter? Probably fatter.  I try to avoid the scale whenever possible.
   c. richer or poorer?  I make more money, but there seems to be less of it.  Thank you, homeownership.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
   I always wish I had written more, read more, and saved more money.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
   Mindless internet surfing, especially on Pinterest. I have a real problem with letting hours slip away while I click links that add absolutely nothing to my life.  

20. How did you spend Christmas?

   With my family in Logan.  It was too short, but it was lovely and white.

21. Did you fall in love in 2012?

  With Keane?  Yes.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
   We don't have cable, so I can't keep up with new shows very well.  I did discover the Hulu+, so I can watch Grey's Anatomy and Glee when they come out.  Other shows I have watched {which are available on Netflix}: How I Met Your Mother, Breaking Bad, and Arrested Development.  I can't watch a lot of shows, because once I start I can't stop.  Oh--scratch all of that.  My favorite TV program is Downton Abbey.  Done.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate at this time last year?

   Not anyone I know personally, just politicians in general.

24. What was the best book you read?

   Probably The Hunger Games Trilogy, I believe.  I haven't read a lot this year, unfortunately.

25. What music did you get excited about?

   Do you read my blog?  I write a lot about music.  Keane, especially.  They are just so great.  I have liked the Killers for a while, but I haven't ever owned any of their albums until I went to the concert in November.  I am really crushing on them now, too.  Some Glee songs really stick with me, like Cough Syrup.  "How Will I Know?" in the Whitney Houston episode was incredible.  You get to know these characters, and then songs they sing remind you of them.  

26. What did you want and get? 

  A house!

27. What did you want and not get?

   An iPad.  :o(

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

   There were lots of good ones; I saw the following in the theater: The Hunger Games (very well done), Marvel's The Avengers (excellent), Rock of Ages (fun), The Dark Knight Rises (unbelievably good), Lincoln (beautiful), The Amazing Spider-Man (not too bad), Dark Shadows (meh), John Carter (um, okay?), Pitch Perfect (so flippin' funny!), Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter (awesome), and One For The Money (lame).  Best Picture award goes to The Dark Knight.  Best Actress goes to Jennifer Lawrence for Hunger Games.  Best Actor goes to Daniel Day-Lewis for Lincoln.  I would say that Les Miserables was my favorite movie, but I saw it on New Year's Day (and again yesterday).  

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

  I turned 33 on January 26h.  I'm pretty sure I worked that day; honestly, I don't remember.

30. What one thing would have made your year more satisfying?

   Better time management.  I struggle with it.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?

  I love neutrals.  I have been trying to be more feminine with lace, flowers, jewelry, accessories, etc.  Then it gets cold and I get lazy, and I just end up wearing jeans and long-sleeve shirts.  BO-RING.  I'll tell you the one fashion trend I'm all over: Maxi Skirts.  LOVE THEM.  A good skirt can hide a multitude of flaws.  And I plan on wearing them for a long time, baby.

32. What kept you sane?

   My social agenda.  Without the visits to friends and family, spending time with Sam and Jason, the craft days and the concerts, the dinners and random texts and facebook, I would be a very depressed woman.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

   "Fancy" is an interesting word.  My #1 celebrity crush is still Patrick Wilson, and I was very sad when his show "A Gifted Man" was cancelled.  I'll have to go through the list on the blog someday.  

34. What political issue stirred you the most? 

   The economy.  It sucks, and it's getting suckier.  It's really the only thing that directly affects me.  I do get a little riled up over gay marriage, and how I should be against it but I can't be.  I'll save that discussion for another post; this one is long enough already.

35. Whom did you miss?

   I'll tell you who I'm glad is back in my life: Brittany.  I adore this girl, and she has been MIA for several years.  I finally got her back in my loop when Sam was here from Germany.  She is such a lovely person.  There are other people whom I miss, but I'm pretty sure they don't think about me, so I'm not wasting much time thinking about them.

36. Who was the best new person you met? 

   She's not technically a new person, but I have gotten to know my work friend Lacey a lot better this year.  We've had some good talks, and we got pedicures together once.  We need to do that again!  Love her!

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012.

   "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."  Oh, Ferris--you are so wise.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. 

   For the bad times:  

      "Each heart is a paper kite blown around by the breeze

       Love won't rest till it brings you to your knees

       Some find it easy, some will never even know

       You think you've done your journey, 

       Then you stumble and find that there's such a long way to go."

       {from: The Starting Line, by Keane}

   For the good times:

       "Maybe this'll be my year."  {by Train}

And there you have it.  It's probably more than you ever wanted to know about me.  Here's to 2013!

I Don't Know Which Side I'm On

Quotes from my Facebook wall after the declaration of Barack Obama as the re-elected president:

• Sherri Butler: Yay!
• Melissa Boren:  Ok so canada, mexico, or australia......... mark my words america by the end of this term ur gunna be kicking urselves in the ass!!!!! Women ur still not going to have everything u want, gays we still arent gunna be able to get married In all states, health care is gunna suck ass, and our debt will be higher than ever! That is all I'm done tomorrow is just another day
• Emily McWidener:  Putin will be stoked that Obama has more flexibility now.
  
• George Takei:  Overheard: "And America proves once again, once you go black..."  Oh Myyy...
• Mary Woolf Christensen:  I'm so sick right now!!
• Elizabeth Dunn:  Oh thank you Fate!
• Des Burke:  Yeah!!!!
• Camie Shunn Harper:  Depressing!
• Aaron Williams:  I'm hearing rumors that we can expect an official announcement from the LDS church that we will be allowed to "drink this one off." Can anyone confirm?

That's just a sample.  I have gotten myself so worked up over this election that I honestly feel sick.  Let me back up a little . . . My mom has always been politically active, and my dad has always been fairly quiet, though they are both  Republican.  We had a signed picture of Congressman Jim Hansen in our house in Panguitch growing up.  I'm not sure what my mom did for his campaigns, but I felt like good Mormons were supposed to be Republicans.  I remember asking/accusing our family friend Mary Harris of being a Democrat, like there was something evil about affiliating yourself with such a party. I never thought much about politics in High School (Bill Clinton era), but once I started attending the University of Utah . . . hoooo doggy.  The U is a very liberal school, though it is large enough for quite a lot of diversity.  As a science major, I felt like anyone who was cool or smart or thoughtful had to be a Democrat.  I wanted to feel like part of that, and as a bit of a rebel, I decided I was, too.  For a very brief period, I declared myself as a Political Science major, but once I took some of the classes, I realized how much I hate arguing and finger pointing.  I will admit to voting for Gore in 2000 (in the primaries, before I left on my mission).  Because of this, my mother still calls me a "Raging Democrat." Now that I am in my 30's, I can see both sides.  This infographic is very helpful in the current definition of Democrat and Republican.

 

I find myself on both sides of the political spectrum; I don't think it's wise to be all one way or the other, and neither side is better than the other.  I also think that both the Democratic and Republican parties are corrupt.  Honestly, I don't trust anyone in the Federal government; I think they all have hidden agendas and are in bed with lobbyists and are out of touch with reality.  I cannot, in good conscience, affiliate myself with any political party. I have plenty of friends, many of whom are very intelligent and educated people, who are very Democratic.  I respect them, and their opinions.  They encourage me to question what I believe politically, which I think is a good thing. That being said, I do tend to lean slightly to the right.  My ballot consists of more Republicans than Democrats, but I try to consider each individual and his or her qualifications, and I try to vote accordingly. I will admit to listening to unfortunate amounts of talk radio lately.  I'll blame it on the move, since significant amount of time was spent cleaning the old apartment with the radio on, and since I had to drive Allen's car several times.  Anyway, what they (Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, etc.) said made sense to me.  They were so positive about Romney winning the presidential election, and so very negative about the future of President Obama's "regime."  I voted for Mitt Romney, and he lost.  I was scrubbed in a procurement for most of the evening, so when I found out, it was pretty depressing Well . . . after having been in a pretty dark mood for the past couple of days (and realizing that yes, I do still need to take my antidepressants), I'm starting to get over it.  I'm not entirely sure the voting machines weren't tampered with, I hate the electoral college, and I do think Obama makes a better rockstar than a president.  I am afraid for our country.  I don't think the future is bright, and I'm astounded that more people didn't see through the president's façade.  We saw some of his true colors during the debates and on the campaign trail, when he came across as arrogant and malicious.  Oh, he can turn on the charm and be likable when he wants to.  He can be very inspiring when he's reading from a teleprompter.  But I don't believe he has America's best interests at heart.





I want to like President Obama.  I want to think that America will be in better shape come 2016, but I just can't believe it.  I also think that the truth behind the Bengazi attacks will change this presidency significantly.  Can I go back to ignoring Washington?  I truly thought that a Romney presidency would change things for the better, with him balancing the budget and bringing back the economy and fighting for a stronger United States.  I think the economy is headed for a serious depression, and no "government bailout" will stave it off. And if the U.S. economy tanks, the world's economy will tank, and then things will get really ugly.

My outlook is not bright.  I only see myself working harder, bringing home less, and trying to be self-sufficient when it's getting more and more difficult to pay the bills.  And then I remember how little I see Benji already, how much of his childhood I am missing just trying to be a contributing member of society and to earn enough money to keep this family afloat.  It sucks.  I need to get over it and move on, if not for Benji then for the sake of my own sanity.  In any case, I'm glad the election is over.  The endless arguing and one-upping and finger-pointing drives me batty.

"I don't know, I don't know which side I'm on.
I don't know my right from left or my right from wrong."
--U2

The Old Apartment

I have had a lot on my mind lately, but not a lot of time to write about it.  I menltioned it earlier, but that's about as far as I got.  Well . . . we have moved.  It was an ordeal.  The whole month of October pretty much sucked.  A lot of people told me they would rather move across country than across town.  I understand why.  Our apartment was so small that we kind-of had to take it a load at a time, just to have someplace to put the stuff.  I can't tell you how many times I drove back and forth.  My car is still not back to normal.

{By the way . . . I'm watching "Night At The Roxbury" right now, and it's so funny I'm having a hard time concentrating long enough to write something!  "Steve, don't hit on the bridesmaid.  It's your wedding!"  I need some Fluffi Whip!}

We are mostly moved in now.  It's down to unpacking and organizing, which isn't very easy.  There's definitely more room here at the house, but we need furniture and shelving.  We ended up tossing most of the furniture, because it was old, in VERY rough shape, and some of it was even moldy (thanks to the awesome swamp cooler).  So, as of now, our seating options consist of a rocking chair.  Yeah.  It's less than convenient; especially with nothing in the kitchen.  I did go to the D.I. today (we have made plenty of trips there as well; I got rid of at least 20% of my wardrobe, and I still have too many clothes!) and I bought a chaise lounge for $20.  It's in decent shape, but pretty dirty.  Good thing we have a steam cleaner, eh?  We also need to get the couches from Logan; I don't know how or when that is going to happen.  Renting a truck will cost at least $100, and now Allen tells me that our former landlord is charging us $1200 to replace the carpet in the apartment.  I'm so pissed about that!  We have got to find that contract; it is lost somewhere in the paper shuffle of the move.  I tried so hard to get organized before we left.  It's just an ongoing process, but seriously--isn't that what a deposit is for?  Isn't carpet replacement par-for-the-course when you own apartments?  It's unbelievable that he wants to charge us $1200 on top of our $400 deposit (which we obviously won't get back).  AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!

So most of October was spent moving.  It wasn't pretty, and it REALLY wasn't very fun.  We had a little bit of help from ward members and from Allen's friend Aaron, but we did most of it ourselves.  Honestly, I never want to move again.  Sure, someday I'd like a bigger house (preferably one with a master bath), but it was horrible.  I'm glad it's done.  I actually like organizing and putting things back together; I just wish I had more money to purchase shelves and blinds and such.  Why does it all come back to money?  Gah.

Even Halloween sucked.  I woke up at 3:30a.m. (just as Allen was leaving to go to work) to the sweet sound of Benji projectile vomiting.  I knew he couldn't go to school, and I also knew that I had to get a lot done, and I was scheduled for a 12-hour shift.  So I ended up calling in sick, and we spent the entire day at the apartment cleaning.  One good thing about having a child who doesn't voice an opinion on what we do is that he doesn't voice an opinion on what we do.  He didn't care that he didn't go trick-or-treating.  He didn't care that all we ate that day was pizza from Costco.  Yes, I felt like I had flunked-out of Motherhood 101 because I had to do so much cleaning at the old apartment, I didn't dress Benji up or take him trick-or-treating, and I put off so much until the very last day of the month.  But . . . Benji didn't care.  Sometimes Autism can work to your advantage.  Most of the time it sucks, and it leaves me depressed and frustrated, but sometimes it can be helpful.

There are a lot of things I'd like to write about, but I need to go to bed.  Benji has to be on the bus at 7:05a.m., and I have to work tomorrow.  I'd also like to get the curtains up in the living room, clean out my car, and pick up the chaise before I go to work at 11.  I'm glad I voted early, because there's no way I could do that tomorrow, too.  Can I just say how glad I am the election will be over tomorrow?  I hate the landscape (and airwaves) littered with political paraphernalia.  All the arguing about who is right and who is better and who did what angers me and wears me out mentally.  It's too much.  I have been listening to more talk radio lately, which I usually try to avoid.  I do think the whole Bengazi cover-up will turn into something big, and I'm angry that the administration has kept it mostly under wraps because of the election.  There is so much lying and bitterness and, while I'm glad people are getting worked up about the election, I'm afraid they are getting worked up over the wrong things.  For me, it's all about the economy.  That's what affects me every day.  Even the prices of stuff at the D.I. (the thrift store) seem to have gone up.  I can't believe I paid $3 for a used muffin tin!  The chaise was a pretty good deal, but they wanted $25 for shelves that you can buy new for $30.  I voted for Romney because I think he has a better way to get the economy back on-track.  Obama has had four years to try, and I don't think my family (or this country) can afford four more years of his policies.  I am blessed to have a full-time job, I am blessed to have a working car, I am incredibly grateful that Benji has a scholarship to Pingree, and I am very lucky to be in a house now.  It's how we can afford everything else that worries me.  Money.  Ugh.  I would like it better if I had more of it, I'm sure.