My Private Nation

So the Train album "My Private Nation" has been in my car stereo for way too long. I just can't find another CD that I want to put in it for the time being. I know all the songs by heart, and it makes me so mad when it starts skipping during "Lincoln Avenue." I highly recommend the album; it has some classic lines. Here are a few of my favorite lyrics, including my personal motto which is now at the top of the page. "I've got the sweet gig raking in the cash with karaoke I get the crowd going when I sing the Hokey Pokey I shake it to the left and then I shake it to the right-- What's not to love, man? I'm on tonight!" (from "Save The Day") "How to get, how to give How to make ends meet How to lose, how to win How to stay on the seat How to use momentum to keep the two wheels straight How to wait after it feels like you waited so long . . ." (from "My Private Nation") "And there seems to be a price for everything You get what you pay for then you pay for What you already thought you bought before" (from "Counting Airplanes") "This feels like the place between being ready and being in the way" (from "Lincoln Avenue") "No one thought I was good enough for you, except for you Don't let them be right after all that we've been through 'Cause somewhere over that rainbow There's a place for me, a place with you" (from "I'm About To Come Alive") Can you tell why I have a hard time ejecting it? So many good songs. And singing along keeps me awake on my drive home after a long day at work. Sometimes I think about what I would sing if I were to audition for American Idol. I think it would be "Out Of My Head" by Fastball (to show off my range--it's not spectacular, but two full octaves isn't too shabby either!) or "I Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Raitt (since that's the story of my life). It doesn't really matter, since I'm too old for it anyway. And who wants to see a fat girl on TV? Fat, by Hollywood definition, is way smaller than I am. When a size 10 is "Plus Size," that would make me extra super jumbo plus size. I won't be forever--eventually I'll get my butt in gear and start working out--but it's still a deterrent. I also have to remind myself that I don't want to be famous; I'm much too private a person to want photogs following me around all the time; it would, quite literally, drive me insane. I would definitely need my own private nation then.

Je Suis Crevee

So I worked for 16 hours yesterday, and half of that scrubbing a Liver Transplant (for which I have not had much training . . .). It actually went pretty well, and Dr. Van Der Werf put up with my slowness and my singing. I seemed to concentrate better with some familiar music in the background, as long as the singing didn't get in the way of my paying attention. I think it was an adrenaline high too, since it seriously crashed at 3am, when the patient rolled out of the room. I could barely move after that, although 5 minutes before, I was fine. Weird, eh? So now, I'm back at work and I have no desire to be here. I'm freaking exhausted, and the thought of coming back for another 12 hours tomorrow, even after today's 8-hour princess shift, just makes me want to cry. At least I have a few minutes to sit before I have to go do a thrombectomy which may turn into an amputation. Unfortunately, I'd probably fall asleep as soon as I put my feet up, so I had better not. This is seriously depressing, since there are a lot of other places I'd much rather be, like at the temple with my husband or at home with my baby. Allen is really hating his job these days, so let's hope that will motivate him to find something that pays more so I can stay home. I'm burning the candle at both ends, and I'm running pretty dang low on wax.

"The Empire Strikes Back" Phenomenon, Rants and Raves

So this is the deal: for most trilogies (movies, books, etc.), I prefer the middle installment. For example, The Empire Strikes Back. Many people say they don't like it because it's too dark, or they prefer The Return of the Jedi because of the Ewoks. Those can be true statements, but not for me. I love "Empire" because it's funny. The most character development happens in that movie; we get to see what they are really like in those dark times. Plus, there are some great one-liners (e.g.: Leia: "I'd rather kiss a wookiee." Han Solo: "I can arrange that.") and because Luke is totally hot during his Jedi training. Good times. This phenomenon applies to other trilogies as well: Shrek 2, LOTR (The Two Towers), etc. It's not a perfect thing, but it makes sense to me. I prefer to already know the characters, then see how the story develops. It's just my thing. In other news, I'm a bit annoyed. We purchased a washer and dryer when we moved in (they were going to the laundrette), and Allen said they could use the laundry. That's fine, but I'm the one who usually has to do it, and I don't have much time. It always seems like when I go to do it, they have a load in the washer and the dryer. So I finally plucked up the courage and asked our neighbors to use the laundry on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but lo and behold--they were out there this morning (it's Monday). When they only had a load in the dryer (nothing in the washer), I put a load of baby stuff in. Then she came down with another load, to save her place in line. Good grief! I asked her what happened to the "Tuesday, Thursday thing." She said, "oh--that's the only time you want us to use it?" C'mon, folks?! I guess she thought that was only during the week, and that the weekends were a free-for-all. This whole thing has just put me in a sour mood. She says that I can kick her out anytime, but what am I going to do--send her upstairs with a half-washed load of laundry? And then there's the cat. Those of you who know me simply understand that I am not a cat person. They just don't do it for me. Last week, when I was babysitting, we decided to try leaving Becca asleep on her bed and leaving the door between our apartments open so I could go check on her when she woke up. Of course, leaving the door opens gives Bosley free reign. I JUST DON'T DO CATS. I hated him wandering around my house, getting into things he's not supposed to, getting up on my couch, nuzzling up against my leg, and leaving cat hair all over everything. GRRRRR. I seriously couldn't handle it! So that's not going to happen again. I feel like the neighbors/landlords want to be besties, and I just don't. I like my privacy, and I feel like it's being invaded, and that our generosity is being taken advantage of. Maybe I just need to get over myself and let the chips fall where they may. Plus, they have been having me babysit Becca while she's sick (I did refuse to watch her on Monday last week, since she was too sick to go to church the day before), and now Benji has been sick and Allen and I haven't felt too great either. It's wearing on the nerves a bit. Plus, I'm working full-time, crazy hours, and trying to be a good mom and get the house clean and I have been stressing about the boutique (which is over, thankfully). I'm frickin' tired and it all just starts over again tomorrow--babysitting at 7am, working 12 hours, then coming home and trying to unwind and get the house under control and the baby to bed and attempt to get more than 4 hours of sleep. Sorry for the ranting and raving. If you have made it this far, thank you for your patience. I appreciate it.

Sweet Caroline

I don't know why I decided to entitle this post as "Sweet Caroline," except that I'm at work and some of my friends and I were just talking about Neil Diamond. Turn on your heart light; let it shine wherever you go. So I was watching the news this morning, and they were talking about the Academy of Country Music Awards. I guess Kenny Chesney won "Entertainer of the Year," but then he complained about how it was done--by internet voting. He called it an industry gimmick. What the heck?! I know his mama taught him better than to look a gift horse in the mouth. Just shut up and be grateful, Kenny. I'm working my first 5pm to 1am shift today. I'm not too sure how I feel about it; I'm way tired, and this will definitely take some getting used to. I got to "first assist" on a back fusion today. It was very interesting; I never knew how it was done. Ortho is pretty fun; I don't think I'll ever get any formal training on it--it's just a pick-it-up-as-I-go type thing. At least I'm not utterly clueless when it comes to Ortho; if worst came to worst, I could do a big ortho trauma. It wouldn't be pretty, but it could be done. I know I wanted to write about something else, but I just can't remember anymore. Sorry--too tired.

The 5-fer Weekend

Not just a 2-fer, but a 5-fer: my brother Dave's graduation from USU, my niece Ella's early birthday party, Benji and Mia's blessings, and early Mother's day. Even Grandmother flew in for the festivities. It was a big weekend, and although it was fun, I'm glad it's over. We did so much planning for it, that I forgot to check my schedule. Oops--I was on call all day Sunday (from 7am-11pm). I would normally write it on the white board (I have a monthly calendar I write on, but the month ended on Saturday May 3rd), and it was in my planner (although my weekly planner starts on Monday, so I forgot to flip the page over). I felt like the biggest eejit when the charge nurse called me at 8am on Sunday morning and told me I needed to come in. Sometimes I truly wonder if my brain cells are working! So I drove from Logan to IMC (it took about an hour and 20 minutes), got dressed in my scrubs and presented myself. The charge nurse said she didn't realize it was my baby's blessing and she said I could take off. By this point, it was about 10am, and if I left by 1pm, I'd still be able to make it back. So I told her that, since I was there, I wanted to work--to make the trip worthwhile, especially if they needed an extra body. I stayed for a couple of hours, holding retractors and suctioning a septic total knee revision. Then they let me go. I could have stayed longer, but once word got out what had happened, they all felt really bad that I had come at all. I left around 11:45 and made it back in plenty of time . . . I even got to take a shower and put on some makeup. Everything worked out all right. I'm still wondering if I'll be written up for going out of town (part of the rules for being on-call is that you have to show up within 30 minutes--not exactly possible coming from Logan). But my boss (the one who doesn't particularly like me) knows about it and actually told me she was sorry. That was nice of her, but I can't blame anyone but myself. I didn't check my schedule and get people to cover for me; everyone else did what they were supposed to do. They were also having a pot-luck for el Quatro de Mayo, so I got a yummy free lunch out of the deal too.

Allen's mom was supposed to join us for the weekend, but wasn't able to. I'm sad she hasn't met her only grandchild yet, and I want Benji to know her. It's too bad it's so difficult for her to travel. She takes care of so many different people, that her world probably would fall apart if she left for a few days. Still, I wish she'd try a bit harder. My view of what a family is supposed to be is a bit different than hers, though. Allen just isn't close to his mother and sister; his father has been out of the picture for years, and I don't know if I'll ever meet him. When we drive out to King's Canyon/Sequoia for my family reunion this July, we'll go early to see his family, but he says all we need is a few hours. And that's so strange to me, because we'll be spending three days with my extended family; not to mention all the time we spend with my immediate family. I think it's a bit overwhelming to Allen at times, but ever since my brother John passed away, my family has been much closer. I love spending as much time with them as possible. I'm not opposed to moving back east if some fantastic job opportunity were to open up, but on my drive to and from Salt Lake on Sunday, I realized how much I love Utah. I love being nestled in the mountains; there's something protective and comforting about them. I love that we have four distinct seasons (even if Spring and Fall are too short . . .). I love that my family is close by, and that I can drop in on them anytime and they are always happy to see me. It is a good life, I must say.