Falling in the Ocean

I'm at work tonight. It's Christmas Eve. And here's a fair warning--when I'm really tired, I mix up French and English. And I write really randomly. "Technically it is Christmas morning, you know." --Doc Boy "You know that, and I know that." --Jon Actually, it's 2:39 a.m. on the 24th, so it's Christmas Eve. Most of my family is in Logan already, but I'm at work (quelle surprise). I'm also on call tomorrow morning, and the add-on list is pretty long already. Kim is in OR 1 doing a dead bowel case with Dr. Price, and I'm at the desk with Lori. At least the night is halfway over already, and I'm getting paid time-and-a-half. I enjoy my job. I really do. But I am burned out. I'm so ready to go part-time. Unfortunately, I have the insurance, and to get insurance when you only work part-time is more than twice as much. So you earn less money and pay more for insurance. Not fun. I think Allen is getting to the point where he's ready for a change too. He has been pretty out-of-it with his surgery and stuff. The surgery went well, and he is healing up nicely, but being off work and home-bound for basically the past two weeks . . . I think he had a small break-down yesterday. He went to an InstaCare and spoke to a doctor about it, and he said he thought Allen was having panic attacks due to stress. They prescribed him some Clonazepam (an anti-anxiety muscle relaxant), but he didn't really like what it was doing to him. I was at work, so he had to deal with Benji and with the snow and feeling crappy. I wish I could have done something for him, but luckily Lexy was home. Allen took Benji up to Layton and I guess Lex helped him sort out all of the things in his brain. Thank you, Lex. I think you may have been the only person to speak to him like that. I'm not sure exactly what you said, but whatever it was, it made something click. We have been in 'survival mode' for so long that we were both pretty checked out of our relationship; we were just trying to get through each day. Anyway, he wrote me a sweet letter telling me how much he loved me and how much he wanted to get our family back on track. I have been waiting for him to step up to the plate for quite a while; I feel like I have been carrying so much of the spiritual load, and I just got tired--so tired that I just let it go and tried to stay afloat. Drifting. Sorry I'm mixing metaphors (it's 3:19 a.m. now). Anyway, I'm really hoping Allen gets the job in Logan. I'm ready to retire, although being a stay-at-home mother isn't exactly la retraite. If I could get a PRN or part-time scrub position at Logan Regional, I'd totally do that. But I'd really like to be more involved with Benjamin and take better care of my family. I'd like to do more than just keep my head above water until my next shift. I keep bugging him about it, because I really think this would be the best thing that could happen for our family right now. I'm praying for it. I'm almost ready for Christmas, but I still have some wrapping to do and other gifts and sundry things to put together. I'd really like to sleep when I get home, especially since I have to drive to Logan. I think I'll try to take a nap now, and scrub out Kim at 4:30 a.m. Here's hoping she's done by then. On verra.

Joyeux Noël, mes amis ! Je vous aime tous !

Walking in a Winter Wonderland

We had our family Christmas party last weekend. The weather was terrible to drive in, but it made for some delightful pictures. This is me with sweet baby Sabrina. Benji had a good time in the snow! Blogger is not letting me add more pictures, so please feel free to peruse my December Picasa album. :o)

May Your Days Be Merry And Bright

I have been working on cards tonight, and I'm getting in the mood for Christmas. I haven't done much, mostly because of work, but I'm hoping to make this a little more memorable for my family, and I'd like to have our traditions centered on our Savior Jesus Christ. A friend's blog led me here, which I really like. Any other suggestions? Much love.

Just Breathe

I am feeling better, thank you. Even a friend at work commented to me that I seem better. And I do--my cough is basically gone and I have more energy. Ever since the splints came out of my nose, *shudder* I have been able to breathe much better. It's a good thing. Saturday was okay; I didn't feel great in the morning, but I was fairly productive in the afternoon. I even went to Eyeglass World to get some new specs (I think you'll approve, Sar--super cute!). I was going to go to a work Christmas party, but I realized that I had a ton of stuff to do for Primary. So I didn't. Allen cleaned out the laser printer while I worked on the laptop, and we watched "Get Smart" (SOOO funny!!!). Pretty romantic, eh? Anyway, Sunday morning I kept working on my stuff, and I has hanging out with the Benji-meister, when the phone rang. I was called in to work. LAME. I totally forgot I was on-call. So I had to hurry up and finish what I was working on, find someone to substitute for me, talk to my Primary president, take a shower, and get to work within a half-hour. Okay, it was more like 45 minutes and I went totally sans makeup. I ended up staying for 11 hours, but hey--at least it was all at time-and-a-half, and I'll probably hit overtime by the end of the week. Not fun, but it makes for a nice paycheck. Allen wasn't very happy about my having to go to work on Sunday. Neither was I, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. I think that may have been a little shove in the direction of job hunting in order for me to be able to stay home. I have been looking on the Intermountain website occasionally for IT jobs, and I found one that might work for Allen. In Logan. Much better paying than his current position. Hmmmmm. We'll see what happens. And now, my apartment building is being evacuated for an underground gas leak. Fan-freakin'-tastic. "Homeless, homeless . . . " Why does this remind me of the flood debacle last year? Grrr.

You're Making Me Ill

Hi. I have been sick for the past week or so. After the surgery, I got a cold, so I have been hacking my lungs out for a couple of weeks. I worked all of 11 hours last pay period, so I have NO MORE PTO. Boo. I wish I could have called in again today, but I can't take off any more time. It's a good thing that we get a few extra hours for the holiday, or I'd probably be in the negative again. Definitely moins efficace.

I got our Christmas cards today. They aren't as cute as I was hoping for, but I'm going to send them anyway. I'm hoping to get them out this week, but no guarantees. If you have moved recently, please send me your address! Otherwise, you'll get the e-version. Sorry.

Thanksgiving was nice. It was sad that Rachael wasn't there, but things went okay. The house was actually fairly calm, since Benji was usually the only toddler wreaking havoc. Noah and Phoebe were there for part of it, and Noah wasn't too happy with Benji. Ben would try to take whatever Noah was looking at or playing with, and Noah would hit him. But then Noah would kiss him and say, "Sorry, Benji." I took the two of them on a little walk to Ellis Elementary school to play for a little while, and they were so cute. Neither of them went down the slides, but they had fun getting out while the sun was shining. On the way back, Noah had stooped down to look at something on the sidewalk. I asked him what it was, and he said "Helicopters" (the tree seeds that have little wings to float). That's a big word for such a little guy. He's so dang smart! It's hard not to compare the two boys. Benji is slightly bigger than Noah, but Noah has him beat in pretty much every other aspect of life. Even so, they get along (usually) and have fun together. I love that they are little buddies. ***** Okay, it has been a few days since I started this post, and I need to publish it. I have been working on a Heritage Makers book for Allen's mom, and it has pretty much consumed all of my spare time. My living room is really suffering for it, too. BTW--it's not very wise to get out one's Christmas stuff when you can't finish putting it all up and when you have a precocious toddler. Here's hoping I can get our tree figured out tomorrow!