Erase and Rewind

I have had several blog posts planned out in my head for a while now, but I haven't had energy or motivation to do it.  It has been a pretty rough few weeks . . . it seems that I say that all the time now.  I'm just trying to get through every day.  I am feeling somewhat better, and my labs came back normal.  It seems crazy, but sometimes I want something to be wrong to justify how crappy I have felt.  Nope.  It must all be in my head.


One thing that has made it tough has been that my favorite radio station has been restructured.  One day, out of the blue, no more DJs.  Total programming change.  They kept some of the music, but added a lot of crap.  That has been seriously depressing for me--The End (107.5 then 101.9) has provided the soundtrack to my life for the past 12 years, and although I don't know Chunga personally, he has been my radio buddy and provided many a laugh for me during that time.  It's like an old friend abandoned me.  There is another station that has undergone restructuring as well, and the music is very similar to that of The End.  I'm hoping that my friends will resurface there, but it's still not the same.


I need to go to bed, since I have to work in the morning.  I'll try to write something more tomorrow, but no guarantees.

Is It Any Wonder

Updates.

I have felt really crappy for the past few weeks. I finally went to the doctor yesterday; he tried to leave me a message with some lab results, but I have *zero* cell phone service at Primary's. I'll try to talk to him tomorrow and I'll let you know what he says . . . if anyone is interested.

I should write more, but I'm really tired right now. Here are some pictures I took on Sunday. I guess it's to document for myself the reason why I should really stop trying to cut hair.

My friend Arlynda says she cuts her boys' hair every four weeks. Crazy. I should, but when this is the result, is it any wonder that I let his hair get so shaggy?

Here's a pretty good one of the boy.  We took these Sunday afternoon.  We were blowing bubbles, and the wind was crazy strong.

I love this one of Allen & Benji . . . and although there is some resemblance, I'm thinking that Benji looks a lot like me.

Have a good Wednesday, people.  Love you.

Stories About Your Chickadees

I haven't been writing as much this year. It's mostly because of my new job, which takes so much time and energy. This week was another story, though. I can only blame my absence on sickness. Benji and I have been pretty out of it this week. The boy has Rotavirus (or something that smells just like it, anyway), and I have just felt pretty crappy. I worked on Monday, and when I came home, Benji started puking. I stayed home with him on Tuesday, then I started feeling sick and he seemed to be a bit better, but I wasn't sure. So I stayed home with him on Wednesday and Thursday too. I have had about a week off (uh, happy spring break?), but it hasn't been very productive. I did a lot of sleeping and downloading scrapbooking stuff, and I did read a book and clean (a little). Oh well. It has been nice spending time with my little man, even though we were both pretty miserable.

I'm just not inspired to write these days. Here are some pics from the NFEE (Nolan Family Easter Egg-stravaganza).



Here's a scrapbooking layout I made to celebrate said fête, using a Quick Page. Good times.

And here's a layout I made using elements I found online and GIMP. Oh, how I love the GIMP (and how I love my Tess!).

So digital scrapbooking is my new obsession. It's pretty cool; I just need to get it under control--I spend waaaay too much time looking for freebies.

Anyway, I hope that all my chickadees had a lovely Easter. Now, if only Mother Nature would get the hint that it's supposed to be Spring . . .

The Remedy Is The Experience

I was tagged by my friend Amelia to post a picture and the story behind it.  
Here are the rules:
1. Open your first photo folder
2. Scroll to the 10th photo
3. Post the photo and the story behind it
4. Tag 5 or more people

Well, there's not much of a story, but here it is:

It's just Benji in the bathtub.  This was taken in April 2009.  Such a funny kid.





It was my first folder because it was April (I label pictures in each month).  I think I'll go to the first chronological folder and show that one . . . for funsies.

This is a cute picture of my niece Ella and my sister Rachael, circa 2006.  She has changed so much!  She was the only grandchild/daughter/niece for several years (until the baby explosion chez nous), so I took a lot of pictures of her.  My Picasa folders say that I have 522 pictures of her.  How many do I have of Benji?  More than 3,300.  Yikes.

Well, it's about time I post some new pics of my Benji.

Same bathtub, same boy, but a little older and a little more dirty.  I think it was pasta.



Okay, since we are on bath pictures, here's another funny one.

It's a chocolate milk goatee.  Good times.  Those are the fun foam letters in the bath with him.  Auntie Becca gave them to Benji for his birthday, and he loves them.  He can recognize a couple of them (A, E, sometimes B and O), but they are fun . . . and apparently very tasty, too.


Here's a funny one of the boy at Gardner Village.  I love the diaper poking out and the belly hangover.  Too cute.

And, for good measure, here's an actual cute one.  Yes, that is snot, and he's cuddling his sippy cup.  He's just getting over a pretty nasty cold, and the boy needs his beverage!

Okay, one more and I'll go to bed.

I love this boy.  I love his big meat-hook man-hands, his sweet little face and his eyes.  Such a handsome guy!

Oh yeah--I have to tag people.  Well, if anyone reads my blog anymore, I'll tag: Amanda H., Shelly B., Shauna Z., Arlynda J. and Sharon B.  And the fam of course--it's pretty fun.  And it makes you post. :o)

And I Miss You

I haven't blogged for a while because I have been so busy.  And stressed.  And tired.  But today, Benji woke up at 2am crying.  It was seriously sad!  I went into his room and cuddled him and sang to him for a little while, but when I tried to lay him back down, he started crying again.  This went on for about a half-hour, and finally Benji made a break for the living room and turned on the t.v.  There's not a lot of good children's programming on in the middle of the night (oh, how I wish we had Sprout!!), so we watched Nemo, Elmo's Christmas Countdown, and somewhere in the middle of Kung-Fu Panda, Benji put himself back to bed.  I called in to work, because I would have been so useless.  I haven't done much besides some laundry, some dishes, and a lot of downloading (my digiscrap arsenal has grown exponentially today!).  But it has been nice to spend some down-time with my little man.

I feel like I am spending less time with him these days.  By choice.  In essence, I have chosen work over family, even though I chose to make this transition for my family.  I think the schedule and predictability is better for everyone, but it is really hard for me.  I miss my Benji.  As unproductive as our mornings were before I went to work at 11am, I had some quality Benji time.  Now, I get home, we eat, do a little cleaning (sometimes), watch a little t.v., and go to bed.  I have been so exhausted when I come home that I am usually asleep before 9pm.

I do like my new job, but there are things I miss about the old.  Here's a list of things I miss and don't miss:

miss:  Sleeping in; not having to drag my baby out of bed in the mornings.
** why it's good for me: I have never really been a morning person, but I had become a little too much of a night-owl.  So getting up early and getting to bed early are good things . . . I suppose.

miss:  Days off.  I basically traded an entire day off to reclaim my evenings.  I haven't done much with them yet, so I can't say if it is worth it yet or not.

don't miss:  Getting off at 11pm (and usually later).

don't miss:  All the on-call shifts.  I took a lot of them, and we were used frequently.  I won't have to take any call for a couple of months, and even then, their call-utilization is not nearly as high as that of IMC.

miss:  Confidence.  I could go into most of my assigned procedures and have an idea of what I was doing, what the surgeon would want, which instruments and sets I would need.  That's pretty much gone.  Once I'm 'set-up,' I'm usually okay, but the procedures at Primary's are very different.

miss:  Case-Cart set-up.  I guess I was spoiled at LD and IMC; the case carts were usually pretty complete, and although there were a lot of mistakes, I had been there long enough to know what I needed.  The case carts at PCMC are rarely complete--the techs are expected to arrive 20-30 minutes early to check them over and get the rest of the supplies from the cores.  So, since 7 a.m. wasn't early enough, I'm now trying to be there by 6:35-6:40 a.m.  It's not easy.  Yesterday I left my badge at home, so after I dropped off Benji at the babysitter's house, I came back home to get it.  Man--there is a big difference in parking when you get there at 6:35 versus 6:55.  Insanity.

don't miss:  the sprawling parking lots and having to hike into work.  Covered parking is a very nice thing, and since I arrive at the butt-crack of dawn, I don't have to fight too hard to find a spot.

miss:  lunch breaks.  I enjoyed giving (and getting) lunch breaks on my 12-hour shifts.  I'd usually get two decent sized breaks.  Not anymore.  I get one lunch break.  If my room finishes early, then I might get to sit for a few minutes, but otherwise I'm pretty much on my feet all day.  It's not nearly as fun as it sounds.

miss:  Diet Coke.  Oh, man.  There is a vending machine with my DC in the lounge, and I have succumbed a few times, but no more free refills.  They don't have a cookie drawer either.  Oreos and a Diet Coke were my lifeline!
***why it's good for me: I'm drinking a lot more Crystal Light.  At least there's an ice machine!  I have cut down exponentially on the amount of soda I'm consuming, but I have yet to see any benefits thereof.

mixed:  Cafeteria.  I miss the salads and pizza and stir fry at IMC.  The prices at PCMC are generally a bit lower, but the entire cafeteria is about 1/3 the size of IMC's.

miss:  LIGHT.  None of the O.R.s have windows that face the out-of-doors.  The O.R. is in the middle of the hospital, and it's very dark.  At IMC, the O.R. takes up the entire second floor, and there were huge windows all the way around.  You were never too far away from daylight.  I loved that about my lunch breaks--both the cafeteria and the lounge were filled with light (until the sun went down!), so I got a good, healthy dose of it.  I miss that a lot.  It should get better with Daylight Savings--I'll get to see more actual daylight when I get off work.

don't miss: Scrub issues.  There was always a dearth of scrubs in my size.  I have only had one day at PCMC where there weren't any tops available in my size.  The rest of the time we have been pretty well stocked.

don't miss:  Heavy pans and heavy patients.  I felt like I was going to throw my back out nearly every day.  I have only had to help move a couple of patients so far; the rest of them are so tiny that usually one person can do the job.

miss:  Older, relatively healthy patients who deserve to have surgery.  I'm sorry, but if you're going to smoke weed while you're snowboarding, you deserve to have a broken leg.  I love the kids, but seeing two-pound preemies who were born with gastroschisis is heartbreaking, and I'm sure that's just the beginning of the congenital malformations I will see.

miss:  Friends.  There were only a few doctors I didn't care for; the rest of them were quite nice, and I got along well with almost everybody.  The people at Primary's have been pretty nice so far, and I'm sure it will come in time, but I'm pretty much a loner right now.

Looking back at this list, there seem to be a lot of things I miss; more so than I thought there would be.  Part of me is torn--there are a lot of reasons to go back.  The main reason I did this is for my family, even though it feels like I see less of them.  Benji seems to be doing well with a more consistent schedule, and Allen is okay--he has picked up a lot of slack with the cooking.

What do you think I should do?  I honestly don't know.