I Never See Anything

This isn't a great picture, but I'm loving the new "textures" feature of picnik. It turned a terrible quality picture into an art-nouveau-je-ne-sais-quoi, right?

I rarely include pictures of myself (uh, you do know why I own so much photography stuff, right?), but here you go. This is me today.

I actually put on some make-up for my post-op appointment today (my ENT was impressed), so I figured I'd take a picture.

Not much to say today. I'm cold and I need to sleep. I wish I had purchased that Snuggie at the 7-Eleven.

Pictures of You

Here are the pictures from yesterday and today.  For this one, I put Benjamin in the sink.  He's so funny in front of the mirror!  It cracks me up!

And this is how I found him this morning. He piles all of his stuffed animals (and yes, a heart pillow--don't judge) around his head.  Such a funny kid.

And here's a bonus picture for you:

These are pictures of the sweet flowers Mom & Granny sent me. I don't think I have ever received a flower delivery before. It definitely made me smile.

Today has been pretty rough. I have been hot then cold then in pain, then pain-free, etc., etc. I'm ready to be done with this, seriously. I had to use my tetracaine lollipop to numb my throat enough to drink a smoothie. I'd like to be normal again. I did shave my legs, so that's something. Of course, I did have to rest on the couch for a while afterward. Exhausting. Grrr.

It's Gonna Be a Good Year

I have never been big on New Year's Resolutions. I have pretty poor impulse control, and a feeling that trying to improve myself is pointless. I also think that changing ones' self should happen when one is ready, not just because the calendar and the advertising gurus say it's time.

I do have some plans this year, though. It is definitely time for some changes in my life, and I'm not sure that I'll be able to accomplish all of them, but writing them down is a big step. It also gives me a small measure of accountability. I don't expect anyone besides myself to keep track of what I'm doing. I will, however, be blogging about my progress (or lack thereof). I really am tired of being stagnant; I need to move. If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always had, right? Right.

So here are my goals:

1. Go to the temple. I haven't been in quite a while, which is my own fault. I have let a lot of things slide over the past couple of years, and I have really felt it spiritually. My recommend is not current, so it will take some work and discipline to get there.

2. Read my scriptures every day, and complete the Book of Mormon by the end of the year. I'm not saying I will be able to do significant study every day, but I will read at least one verse. It does make a difference in reminding me of what should be most important, and I have been slacking on that too.

3. I will do some sort of exercise everyday, even if it's just stretching or a few sit-ups or something. I'll try to walk or jog when it's warmer outside, but it's too dang cold right now.

4. Along with that, I will lose 50 pounds. This is a big step for me. It's totally do-able--less than one pound per week. It won't be easy; I'm not a good dieter. I love to eat. I really love to eat chocolate. And ice cream. And bread. And pretty much any carb out there. So controlling the impulses will be tough. It's not too hard at this moment, because it hurts to swallow pretty much anything right now. I'm trying to decide if I want to write my actual weight on here. I know it's not a secret that I'm a big girl, and I don't hide my weight very well, but it might take some time and courage to do it.

I'm hoping that actually doing a few things to take care of myself will help me be a better mother. If I feel like I'm worth a few minutes everyday, maybe it will help me realize how much more I could be doing for Benjamin.

Of course, I have all these grand plans now, when I can barely drag myself off the couch. I had to go to Smith's this evening, so I waited for a few hours until after my pain meds wore off (so I could drive legally), and it sucked. One small trip to the store should sap every ounce of energy, right? Well, it did. So that counts as my exercise for the day, because it might as well have been a two-mile walk.

I'll round off the resolutions with something fun.

5. Project 365. My version: take a picture every day, and write a little blurb about it. I'll try to post them here, though I know I won't be posting every day.

On that note, here is today's picture:

Just {another} picture of Benji in the bath. Once again, he had fingerpainted all over himself everything in his room, so he got a shower and a bath. He also got a haircut last night, because it was WAY long. Anyway, this isn't the greatest picture, but I wanted to put it up to show you how much he looks like me these days. It weirds me out, seriously. It's like looking into my own face. I want him to be his own person, not to think about me every time he looks in the mirror, but I guess I don't have much choice in the matter. Poor kid.

So that's where I'm at.  What are your resolutions?

I Want a New Drug

I can't believe it's New Year's already.  We just watched the countdown in Times Square, so it's 2011 in New York.  That was on the news, though.  They are tape-delaying Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve for one hour (does that make sense to anyone?), so we'll get it at 11pm.  Silly, silly.  I caught about two minutes of Carson Daly talking with Bono and the Edge . . . of course I miss the good stuff!  Geez!

This month has flown.  It feels like yesterday that we had Thanksgiving, then the following weekend was the NFCP, then work and car drama.  I could hardly believe it when Christmas Eve was here and now it's New Years.  Good grief.

Well, Christmas was good.  Busy, but good.  Here's a slideshow of the highlights:



The kids had fun, I think. Benji's favorite toy was the slinky (not his, of course, though Lily was good to share with him). Dinner wasn't nearly as organized as it was at Thanksgiving, so there weren't any cranberries. I'm not sure if there was any pie or not, though there was some awesome cheesecake. We did the kids' Christmas in the morning, had dinner, then waited for a couple of hours and did the adult gifts. It was a nice day, though I think we forgot the line-up. Oh well.

Anyway, that was Christmas. We had to come back to SLC on Christmas night so I could deal with church stuff, then I worked on Monday at Riverton and Tuesday uptown, and Wednesday I got my tonsils out. Turns out we had more than $1,000 left in our flex-spending, which is use-it-or-lose-it by the end of the year. I'm not really regretting it, but it SUCKS. Swallowing is really painful, so I'm living on popsicles, pudding and percocet. I have no energy right now (it has taken me two hours to write this so far).

I wish they'd just and over NYRE to Ryan Seacrest. Poor Dick Clark has got to go back into cryofreeze. I do have to say that the New Kids are looking pretty good. They have aged well, though they could really use some new music. It's funny to see 30-40 year old guys singing "Step By Step."

Okay, I would like to post this before the new year. So here you go. And remember--I'm on drugs right now.

My Automobile is a Piece of Crap

Oh, Gigi.  You have served me well.

I was driving to work yesterday, just as I have done every weekday for the past six months.  6:30 a.m. on I-15, 65mph.  I had the music up pretty loud, so I don't remember hearing anything, but I noticed that the check engine light came on.  Then the battery light came on.  I coasted to the side of the freeway, which happened to be right at an exit.  I called work to tell them I probably wasn't going to make it in today.

I called AAA (thanks again, Granny), and they sent a tow-truck out.  He picked us up and took us back to the repair shop (which hadn't even opened yet).  Luckily there was someone there, who took my information and told me they'd get to it sometime that day.  About that time, Allen was getting off from his night shift, so he came to pick me up.  Then we picked up Benji and came home.  I did a bit of laundry and dishes and waited for them to call me.  When they did, they told me they drained the oil out of the engine (there was only a pint of oil left, and it's supposed to hold four quarts), and they found bits of brass in the oil.  That means that the ball bearings are totally chewed up, and basically the engine is now worthless.  To replace Gigi's motor would cost more than the entire car is worth at this point, so she has been declared dead.  She was seventeen years old. 

I am sad.  She has been a great car, and she was a great little commuter.  When I went to clean her out, I tried to step back and take a look at her--she was in pretty rough shape.  She had a lot of dings and dents, holes where the speakers should be, the totally non-functioning interior door handles that are barely hanging on, the sagging cloth on the ceiling, the frayed seatbelts and torn upholstery . . . yeah, she was a piece of crap.  But she was my totally paid-for piece of crap, and she got me from point A to point B with 33+ mpg.

So, out of necessity (or so I tell myself), I decided I needed a to buy a car that day so I could get to work this morning.  But I am a very poor negotiator.  I hate confrontation and competition--I'll avoid it whenever I can.  This is why I needed my brother Dave to come with me.  He has a lot of experience buying cars ;o), and being a salesperson, he knows how to work the system.  We test-drove a couple of cars, but from the beginning we were looking at the Suzuki GrandVitara.  They had two models--one very basic red 2008 (stick-shift, which I don't mind) model with only 19,000 miles on it, and one suped-up silver 2006 with 65,000 miles.  They both started at about the same price, and I was having a really hard time deciding between the two.  We played the game for a little while, but the owner (the one the salesman had to go make our offer to) also played us (and I hate knowing that).  He wanted to sell the silver one, since it had been on the lot longer.  When we saw the actual numbers and the upgrades on the silver one added to the mark-up, I was definitely leaning toward the red.  He decided that he couldn't give me a better deal on the red, and came a lot closer to my offer with the silver.  So that's the one I purchased.  Yes, I drove it off the lot that night, because I needed it to get to work (although when I got home, Allen couldn't find his badge and thus couldn't go to work, so I could have driven his car and taken more time with this enormous purchase . . . "That's what you'd call ironic.").  I'm not sure I got the best deal possible, but I think I did pretty well; and that was 99% thanks to Dave.  I was much more confident with him there and I'm sure they didn't take advantage of me nearly as much as they would have had I been alone.

So I got a pretty sweet rig.  I have tried to take a picture, but it has been raining all day.  So here's an image from our friend Google:

I think this is a newer model, but the body style is just about the same.  Mine, however, has a sunroof, racks on top, leather seats, keyless entry, power everything, and ridiculous rims.  Seriously.  I'm afraid I'll come out to find my car on cinder blocks because someone has stolen them.  I almost want to get factory wheels put back on and sell the rims just so they don't attract attention.  Don't get me wrong, they look awesome, but they are totally unnecessary.  Actually, the idea of this much of an upgrade is still mind-blowing to me, and I honestly can't believe I purchased a car, let alone a super-sweet ride like this.

I love driving it, but . . .
a) I feel like a sell-out: driving Gigi was almost a badge of honor, an in-your-face maneuver to a crappy economy.  This car totally buys into the American attitude of excess. 
b) I'm still reeling from having made such a huge purchase in one day.  I don't need this much car, and I REALLY don't want to be making car payments for the rest of my life.
c)  I don't feel like I deserve it.  I wish I were at a point in my life where I could justify luxurious things, but I'm certainly not, and unfortunately, I sincerely doubt I ever would be able to justify it in my brain.

There is a clause in the contract that says I can bring it back within 14 days and we can forget the whole thing.  It's tempting, and honestly, I should do it and get something more practical.  It's not like this is a muscle car or a convertible--it's a small SUV with relatively low miles that really will last me for years (if I can manage to not destroy the engine).  That's what I really wanted; the rest are just perks.  I'm not 100% sure about Suzuki, but they have a 7 year/100,000 mile warranty that is still in effect and it has a good safety rating.  It's big enough to haul stuff (another requirement, one which Gigi simply could not fulfill), it has cruise control and a fantastic cup-holder and bun warmers and a decent stereo, and I really like the leather seats so I don't have to deal with nasty upholstery.  No, it doesn't have a DVD player, but if we need to we can get one installed.  It has some quirks, but all-in-all it really is a great car.  I'll probably end up keeping it, even though I shouldn't.

Now . . . who wants a ride?  (And what should I name her?)