Is It Getting Better?

I never really wrote a follow-up on my shoulder.  I have had a hard time writing about it, because it's not progressing as fast as I think it should be, but I do need to write something.  I'll try to scan in the pictures, because they say a lot more about the surgery than I can (especially if I want to keep this at a length where Sarah will actually read it . . . j/k).

I had the surgery on Monday, June 20th.  It was scheduled for about 1pm, and they were running a bit late.  Thankfully I was entertained by my new smartphone (on which I was reading Pride and Prejudice . . . maybe I should have just brought the book with me!).  As far as I knew, everything went well.  I was out of it for quite some time.  I'm glad I was able to spend the next few days at Mom's house so she could help run after the boy.  I had to wear a sling full-time for a few days, then I could wear it off-and-on (mostly on).  I was not very prepared for the pain; I was alternating Oxycodone and Ibuprofen every few hours.  I really didn't like the narcotics--they did take care of the pain, but I was so out of it when I took more than one (the dose was 1-2 every 4 hours).  It took me a couple of weeks, but I weaned myself off of them.  I really hate being dependent on anything, which is why I really should cut the Diet Coke.  Alas--I'll admit that I am addicted to that.  It's not healthy, but it is legal.

I had a post-op appointment with Dr. Fukushima on June 29th.  They took out the stitches (four smallish incisions) and put steri-strips on.  I thought that was kind-of overkill, so I left those on for a couple of days and then pulled them off.  When he came in to talk to me, he told me that my shoulder was "blitzed out," (yes, those were his words) and it really couldn't have waited much longer.  He did another surgery the same day, on a woman who had had four or five full dislocations and multiple partials, and he said mine was much worse than hers.  Go for the gusto, right?  Well, the cartilage tears were pretty significant, the bursa was quite red and inflamed, and I had actually torn a nice chunk of bone and cartilage off of the head of the humerus, so I had a free body floating around in the capsule, tearing everything up for those three weeks before the surgery.  He fished out the piece of bone, tacked down the cartilage, smoothed off the rough edges, and tightened up the capsule.  At the appointment, he checked my range of motion and said it looked really good, but he wanted me to slow down because my shoulder had been so damaged.  He also wanted to wait a bit longer than I would have liked to start physical therapy, to give me a little more time to heal. *sigh*

So I have started P.T. at TOSH, which is only a couple of miles from where I live.  The therapist I am supposed to be seeing has been out of town this whole time, so I have been seeing this guy named Robby, usually twice per week.  I like him a lot, and we're the same age, so we get along pretty well.  I told him about Harry Potter, and he told me about his girlfriend getting lost while hiking, etc., etc.  Thus far, most of the therapy has been stretching--stuff I really couldn't (or wouldn't) do at home, because it is painful.  I don't feel like I do much personally (it's more passive movement on my end), but I'm exhausted when it's done.  I'm supposed to start seeing my actual therapist this week.  It's a little sad, because I really like Robby.  Oh well--c'est la vie.

It is getting better, slowly but surely.  I'm not at 100% of movement and strength, and I probably won't be for a few months, but the movement is becoming easier, and I'm getting more range-of-motion back.  I still have a hard time doing my hair (there's your empathy challenge, friends--try doing your hair without raising your dominant arm more than 90 degrees), but I am feeling pretty good otherwise.  I'm only taking Ibuprofen occasionally (usually after P.T.), and I'm totally off of the narcotics (I have been for a couple of weeks, and I haven't filled the new prescription he gave me).  I am to the point where I'm feeling a little guilty about having taken the summer "off", even if I didn't have a conscientious choice in the matter.  I am enjoying spending time with the little man; more so now that I can do more with him and don't have to wear the sling much at all.  I have a feeling that going back to work will be a lot harder than I thought it would be.  I do miss it, but I didn't realize how much I was missing my boy, either.

So that's where I'm at.  Slow improvements, wondering at how fast the time seems to have flown.  Lots of other things have happened, and I'll try to catch up on them eventually.  You'd think I'd be writing more often; it's funny how time slips through your fingers, isn't it?  "It leaves you baby, if you don't care for it."

A Few of My Favorite Things

There are a few things in life that I really love.  The gospel of Jesus Christ.  Europe.  U2.  Roses.  The ocean.  Harry Potter.

Yes, I'm going to write about Harry again.  You don't have to read this, but it really is important to me, and I don't really write for anyone else's benefit . . . I guess I'm just hoping to find some kindred spirits and open some eyes.

Let me start by saying that I believe things are popular for a reason: they are good.  There are some exceptions (hem, hem, Britney Spears), but in general I think most people don't pay a lot of attention to books/movies/music that are bad.  Sure, the inner rebel in me doesn't want to follow the crowd, to be the only one who really appreciates something, but another part of me is glad that so many people have discovered the same things I have.  The latter part of my little heart is swollen tonight: I'm definitely not alone in my love for all things Harry Potter.

I watched Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Part 2) this evening.   It was bittersweet.  I had a terrible seat, the theater was hot and crowded, and through most of the show I really had to pee, but I couldn't tear my eyes away.  Like many of you, I have been waiting for this for years, and I have read all the books, and I can't wait to make a pilgrimage to Orlando.  So I was very excited to see it, and I even allowed myself to cry.  Anyone who really knows me knows that I never cry during movies (especially at the theater); I'm pretty good at recognizing Hollywood's attempts to manipulate my emotions, so I can turn it off.  Harry is different.  I have spent so much time with these characters, reading about them, watching them grow up through the movies, even writing the occasional short story about them (don't ask), that I feel like I know them.  I have read the entire series several times, and I know I will read them all again in the future.  Why?  Harry, Ron and Hermione feel like old friends to me.  I want to check in on them every so often.  I want to get back into the story and laugh and cry and feel with them.  I want to remember why I fell in love with them, and do it all over again.

I love the books, especially Deathly Hallows.  Jo Rowling is an incredible writer, with an amazing imagination.  I marvel at the things she came up with, and how she is able to transport readers of so many ages and backgrounds into a different, beautiful, magical world.  And she did it so well, I'm sure the producers and directors of the movies had a very difficult time putting so many rich details into a 2.5 hour movie.  I know they had to make tough decisions on what to put in and what to leave out, and I know so little about movie making that I can't judge those choices as a critic.  All I can do is write about things I liked and things I didn't like.  It won't change anything, but it will clear my mind.  If it interests you, read on.  If not, no hard feelings, though I hope you'll give it a chance.

Ah, what the heck--let's go with pros and cons (again).  It's easier to write, and I'm really tired right now.

Pro: Cinematography.  The movie was visually stunning, and I couldn't tell where there were obvious green screens used.  They did a phenomenal job putting the audience into the magical world.  The spells effects were awesome; they helped me feel the power of the magic.  Watching Hogwarts be destroyed, seeing so many friends fighting for a greater cause, feeling Harry struggle to fulfill his destiny . . . it was all very emotional for me. I'm glad they jumped off the 3D bandwagon--it didn't need it.

Con:  The only obvious computer effect that bothered me was in Snape's memories.  I think they should have used another actor and some makeup.  I adore Alan Rickman, and I don't know that another actor could have made that scene as powerful as it was, but the image manipulation was a little too obvious for my taste.

Pro:  The music was hauntingly beautiful, and I think Alexandre Desplat was the perfect person to do it.  It's nothing against John Williams; his scores were wonderful for the first few films, but as Harry's journey goes deeper into the darkness, the cheerful and predictable themes just weren't appropriate anymore.

Con:  Screenwriting.  I wish they had been a bit more true to the book, though I'm sure it was a painful process of cutting and editing while trying to get the general story correct.

Pro:  Cast.  I love that nearly the entire cast stuck it through together.  It makes the movie that much more powerful, associating specific actors with certain characters, and having seen these kids grow up before your eyes.  It's like visiting old friends.  I love it.

Con:  Things they left out: any kind of planning by Harry and company; any fighting by elves and other friends in the battle (I wish that Kreacher, Grawp and others had been there to fight, even though S.P.E.W. was never mentioned in the movies), the battle on the field, the final scene in the Headmaster's office, where Harry gets to speak to Dumbledore (and get his wand back).  Remus's visit to Shell Cottage and making Harry godfather to his son.  I especially missed Harry and Voldemort's final talk--there was much more emotion in the book, with Harry explaining to "Tom" how love would be his downfall, his explaining to him how Harry's love protected his friends.  The film had much more physical fighting.  Again--that was visually stunning, but still less powerful to me than the words.

Pro:  Things they did well.  Gringotts, with the dragon and the cups in the vault.  Helena Bonham-Carter playing Hermione playing Bellatrix--fantastic.  The final scene at platform 9 3/4.  The Room of Requirement.  The Grey Lady.  Aberforth (who looked a lot like Dumbledore).  Kings Cross.  Creation and destruction of the shield around Hogwarts.  All pretty faithful, and receiving the oh-so-important Mary-Stamp-of-Approval.

Con:  Things they changed that I didn't like: Ron and Hermione's first kiss in the Chamber of Secrets.  Nothing like destroying a bit of someone's soul to make you want to snog your best friend, eh?  Also, the special-guest-appearances: there are cameos of some people, like Percy and Arthur Weasley.  Even the twins had less 10 words between them.  The thing that bothers me the most is the near-absence of Harry's invisibility cloak.  It plays such a huge role in the books, and the only time you see it in the course of the last several movies is at Gringotts.  Also, Harry's breaking the Elder Wand.  Yeah, that's symbolic, but kind-of disrespectful too.   

Pro:  Things they changed that I liked: the revolt against Snape and his flying away.  The boat house instead of the shrieking shack.  Voldemort feeling the destruction of each horcrux.  The Malfoys recognition of what's really important, though Narcissa could use one of those moments with her hairdresser.

Con:  Neville's underestimated role.  He was much more important than the director made him out to be.  I didn't like that his speech was mocked and shortened, or that he dragged around the sword of Gryffindor until he felt like killing a snake.  I guess Neville is simply more important in the books, so he didn't get more than 2 minutes of time in the movie.  It's too bad . . . especially since he has turned into a little hottie!  Ka-chow!

There's more I'd like to say, but I need to sleep so I can go see it again tomorrow.  All in all, it was really well done.  I'm relieved, I'm sad, I'm happy, I'm excited.  It's not very often that a movie can do all that for me, and it's even more rare that I find a story that becomes such an important part of me that I'll read it and watch it and think about it over and over again.  And I'm glad I'm not the only person who feels this way. :o)

Stories for Boys

It has been a while since I have written about my Benji.  Here are a few tidbits:

We have been watching a lot of Signing Time, which we borrowed from a friend.  It's great, and Benji loves it.  He's slowly getting more and more words into his vocabulary.  He's still not communicating very well, but he recognizes and repeats words, and can do the signs to many of them.  He tries to do the signs for the letters, but he's still working on getting those little fingers in the right place.

He has become really good with saying his alphabet.  He enjoys saying it at random times, starting in random places ("P" is a particular favorite), and in a high little voice.  It's pretty cute, if I do say so myself.  In fact, during a talk at church, he decided to say it quite loudly.  Pretty funny.

He recognizes a lot of animals.  He can look at a book with pictures of animals and say "horse" or "dog," but he won't do it on demand.  He'll only do it if it's when he wants to, or when we aren't 'paying attention.'  He still says "quack" when he sees pictures of ducks.  

He has his favorite words.  It's currently "pen."  But the sign for it is fingerspelling P-E-N, and his "P" sounds like "E."  So he goes around saying, "E-E-E-N."   He's also saying (and doing the sign for) "drink," which is pretty helpful.

He has decided that he wants to take naps . . . at 5:30 p.m.  And I won't let him sleep past 6pm (I'm so mean!).  He goes and goes and goes all day, then it gets quiet and I know he's fallen asleep.  We're working on it.

He love to sit in laundry baskets. I'm pretty sure most kids do, but I still find it funny . . . except when there's clean laundry in it and his feet and hands are dirty.

I know I've said it before, but this boy loves water.  He would play in it all day if I'd let him.  I took him to the Gateway water fountain a couple of weeks ago, and he just loved it.

We cut his hair last week, and it makes him look so grown up!  I love it, but it makes me sad at the same time.

We have been trying to potty-train for a few months now.  If he would tell us when he needed to go, it would be a lot more successful.  He does like to strip off his pants and diaper and just go wherever he feels like it.  Yeah, that's my favorite thing.  We have to put him in zip-up pajamas and safety-pin the zipper up at the top if we want him to keep his diaper on at night; otherwise, he's almost always naked and his bed is always wet when he wakes up.  Gah.  We can usually get him to go before his bath . . . we have to wait with him for about 10 minutes before he decides to go, and we have to wipe everything down afterward (aiming isn't the easiest thing), but it's a start.

He hates anything around his neck or on his face.  He makes a choking sound when we try to button up shirts or safety pin his pajamas or even wash his face.  It's kind-of obnoxious, but what do you do?

So that's my boy (for now). He's not always easy to deal with, but I love him so much.

She Moves In Mysterious Ways

As much as I love the pictures from the U2 concert, my blog seemed very dark.  So I felt the need to lighten it up a bit.  Hope you like it.

Here's the story of what I've been dealing with for the past couple of weeks.  For Memorial Day, we went to Logan.  It was rainy and cold most of the weekend, so not many pictures, sorry.  Wait--let me back up.  Our dryer decided to bite it the week before, so I took the boy to Logan in Allen's car, so Allen could use mine to transport a new dryer that Saturday.  I didn't realize it, but my backseat folds up to leave quite a bit of room in the back for storage/transport.  Who knew?  (I suppose I would if I actually read the owner's manual, but that's beside the point.)  Anyway, he found a pretty nice used dryer in Logan (on the KSL classifieds), so he drove up and picked it up, then spent the rest of the weekend with the family.

On Monday the 30th, we went up to the cemetery and released some balloons from John's grave.  Afterward, some of us went to see Pirates 4 (very good, btw).  We hung out for a little while, and Allen helped Dad and Dave give priesthood blessings to Mom (who was having another heart ablation that week) and to Lexy, whose labor was being induced on Monday night.  Apparently, Allen had a feeling that something else was going  to go wrong . . . I wish he would have shared that tidbit with me; I might have been more cautious.

As it is, we both got home around 5pm.  I unloaded my stuff  and Allen was trying to get everything arranged for the new dryer.  I was walking in the door when I tripped over my feet.  To anyone who knows me, that's nothing unusual--I trip all the time.  This time, the difference was that I reached back with my right arm to stop myself from falling.  Normally that wouldn't be a big deal, except for a small incident in 2007.

I thought I had blogged about this at some point, but I guess it was before I started blogging.  Well, in August 2007, Allen and I were on our way out to dinner.  We were living in Sugar House at the time, and I needed to run in to the house for something.  I got out of the car and was walking when I tripped, and I reached back with my right arm to catch myself.  Sound familiar?  Well, I dislocated it the first time that day, so instead of spending the evening at a restaurant, we spent hours in the ER at St. Mark's hospital.  Miserable.  It was truly the worst pain I have ever felt.  (Incidentally, when they were taking x-rays, they asked me if I was pregnant.  I wasn't sure, though it was possible.   I didn't really care until I got home and decided I should really find out. I took a pee test, and lo-and-behold, it was positive.  Crazy, eh?  I remember that my reaction was, "Seriously?"  Not unwelcome, just unexpected.) 

So . . . being pregnant, with a first-time dislocation, we decided to put off any surgery.  I did a lot of physical therapy, and after a while I forgot about it.  I went back to see that orthopedist after the boy was born, but I had such a terrible experience at that office, and I was feeling better, so I left and never went back.

Honestly, with passing time, I forgot I ever had a shoulder injury until Memorial Day.  After I tripped, it all came rushing back very clearly.  I thought to myself, "Oh crap--I hope I didn't dislocate my shoulder again."  I tried to move my arm, but wasn't really able to.  When I realized I had indeed dislocated again, I was pretty calm for a while, calling Sarah and Mach for assistance with Benji, texting my boss to tell her I wouldn't be in the next day, etc.  All the while, Allen was struggling with the dryer, and he was supposed to be to work at 7pm, so I was trying to figure out how I was going to get my arm back in its' joint and take care of everything else.  It wasn't pretty, and Allen was freaking out because of work, and with every moment my shoulder was growing more and more painful.  Eventually, Allen got the dryer in, called in sick and took me to the Instacare.  They decided they could do the reduction there, so Allen took the boy to Rachael's while the doctor manipulated it back into place.

Before = dislocated, after = back in place

Thankfully he gave me some morphine to make it bearable.  In the ER, they gave me Propofol and just popped it in,  This doc took 15 minutes, all the while holding my arm and moving it ever-so-slowly back into place.  I think I prefer the quick-and-dirty method, but I hope I will never have to endure another reduction.  In any case, he gave me a sling and swathe and told me to wear it until I saw an Orthopod.  All of this made working at my current job impossible, so I was off all week.

I got in to see Dr. Fukushima on Friday June 3rd (I knew him from IMC).  He discussed my options with me.  There is activity modification, pain pills, injections, physical therapy, and surgery.  We decided to get an MRI of my shoulder to aid in the decision making.  I also went in to work that day to discuss the situation with my boss.  She wanted me to wait until the fall, if I did do surgery, since we are just getting into the busy summer season.  She would support me in whatever decision I made, so I told her I'd think about it.

I had the MRI this last Wednesday, June 8th.  I knew we were doing it "with contrast" (meaning that they inject a radioopaque dye into the shoulder capsule, which helps determine if there are tears and increases the accuracy of the study).  I didn't realize that the injection would be a separate procedure, like a quick surgery though there was no anesthesia.  They positioned me and prepped and draped (with the drapes over my head . . . probably the worst part of the whole thing) and injected the dye under fluoroscopy/C-arm.  I'm glad they did it sterilly, I just wish I had been better prepared for that part of the procedure.  They did inject some lidocaine as well as the dye, so it actually made my shoulder feel better for the MRI.  That part took a good 45-50 minutes, most with my arm at my side, but some with my arm stretched overhead.  That wasn't particularly fun, but it wasn't too bad after all.

I met with Dr. Fukushima again on Friday June 10th.  First, he manipulated my arm a bit, having me bend it certain ways without help, then with his putting pressure on (stabilizing) the joint.  It made a big difference, which didn't surprise either of us.  He then went over the results of the MRI with me, and drew me a picture.  It was just a simple drawing, but it looked something like this:

He explained that I have a Bankart tear (a type of Labral tear) and a Hill-Sachs lesion.  FYI, this is an excellent overview of shoulder dislocations, and it describes things a lot better than I can.  Being a recurrent dislocator, it will be just a matter of time before it happens again.  And the other options--pain pills and injections--are just temporary.  No thanks.  Physical Therapy is a given; I'll be getting it with or without surgery, but if I do have the surgery, my chance of dislocating again is very low (less than 5%).  The surgery is an outpatient procedure, done arthroscopically through three small incisions (less than 1cm each).  The labrum is reattached to the glenoid using dissolvable screws, then he'll clean things out and tighten up the joint.

So . . . if you haven't figured it out, I decided to go forward with the surgery sooner than later.  I'm not worried about it, though I would be more worried about a recurrence if I put it off any longer.  Also, I'm only allowed so much time off per year, and I'm not sure breaking up my leave-of-absence would give me enough time to heal completely.  Sorry, boss.

Eh bien, voilà.  That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.  I'm scheduled to go under the knife on Monday, June 20th.  Wish me luck.

Light My Way

I haven't written much lately, but I need to celebrate the new man in my life . . . Ezekiel David Nolan was born on May 31st at 6:11am, weighing in at 7 lbs 8 oz.  I heard he was 21", but I'm not sure about that.  Anyway, he is a little doll--such a sweetheart, and he definitely has a Nolan face.  This is him on his first day in the world:

 

I took Benji up to visit today.  I took some fun pictures, so here they are.  He's adorable.

Zeke with big brother Noah.  He will have a lot of patience.

So peaceful.  After nursing, he was OUT.

I love those baby faces.  So funny.

He may have a Nolan face, but that nose looks just like Noah's and Phoebe's.

I really like the way this one turned out, even if it isn't totally in focus.

What a sweet boy.  He's so tiny and calm and just adorable.  I love babies!