Our Work has Come Asunder

Well, I think I'll do a Thanksgiving re-cap.  We'll start with last Tuesday.

I have been floating to different facilities a lot lately.  I don't mind; I like the variety, and I appreciate getting my hours, but it can be difficult sometimes too.  Last Tuesday was pretty good, though at the end of the day I was told that we were in for "the worst storm in 20 years."  There was a blizzard warning, which I have never heard of in Utah.  My supervisor offered me a "snow day" (a day off) on Wednesday, which I took advantage of.  I went home and started packing, thinking I could outrun the storm and make it to Logan that evening.  Once I got myself and Benjamin packed and loaded in the car, it started to snow.  We stopped at the McDonalds near the freeway for some chickie nuggets for the boy, and in that ten minutes between our apartment and I-15, visibility went down to almost nothing.  It was some crazy snow and wind, and I drove about two miles before I realized how stupid it would be to drive during this thing when I didn't have to.  So we turned around and came back.  We left on Wednesday morning, and to my surprise, there was only about two inches of snow on the ground.  Really?  After all that?  I was a little disappointed, to be honest.  I was expecting a couple of feet.  Oh well.

So on Wednesday, we went up and hung out.  I don't remember what we did the rest of that day, though Rach, Wow & the diva brigade came that evening.  Thursday was nice.  We started cooking early, and we were almost ready by 1pm (it was closer to 2, but that's okay).  I was put on potato duty.  I'm not really sure why I decided to do all 20 lbs of potatoes, but I did.  And my fingers haven't entirely recovered yet.  Actually I didn't do all of it, but I washed and peeled and cut and boiled them.  Mach mashed them so I could go take a shower.

Dinner was excellent as usual.  Rebecca's yams were particularly excellent, and the rolls were super-fluffy.  My friend Shannah Leigh was in town visiting her in-laws, and she came over to chat for a bit after dinner.  It was good to see her; we were BFFs in High School, but we haven't been able to see much of each other since then.  She is a superstar.

I had to come back to SLC on Thursday, since I was on-call that night at Primary Children's.  They called while I was on the road, so I drove right to the hospital.  I was there for about three hours: not too bad.  When I came back to my apartment, I decided I should just go to Target and wait in line.  I knew there would be a lot of people who wanted the same TV I did, so I left about midnight (after having received a very special picture message from Dave . . .).  There was a bit of a line already, but it wasn't bad when I got there.  Luckily the people in line with me were friendly.  We talked and joked and commiserated on how cold we were.  Around 2:30am, it got really cold.  One gal's father brought a propane flame heater, which was AWESOME.  It made the cold bearable for the last hour or so.  The fire only lasted for about 15 minutes, but man--so nice.

Around 3:30, everyone started getting excited and the line started building and squeezing together.  It was kind-of exciting, and when the doors opened, it was a mad rush.  If I hadn't run, I would have been trampled.  Seriously.  At least I got what I went in for (a 40" HDTV for $299!!), and I was out by 4:30am.  I had to tie it into my trunk and I drove home really slowly.  I unloaded and went back out to Best Buy.  I got a bluRay player and some DVDs there.  I came back, and it was about 6:30.  I sat down for a couple of minutes and realized I was really tired, so I slept for a bit.

I drove back to Logan on Friday, and hung out with the fam for the rest of the day.  Saturday was nice too.  Most of everyone left early in the afternoon.  Benji and I left a bit later, since I needed to be back for church on Sunday morning.  When I got back, I realized I had Allen's keys.  I was super-excited about that.   So we went to church in the morning, and left on Sunday afternoon to drive back up to Logan.  When the weather is good, it is normally an hour-and-a-half.  It took about two hours on the way up, and closer to three on the way back.  And, incidentally, we got a lot more snow out of the "winter storm" on Sunday than from the blizzard on Tuesday.

It was nice to have five days off in a row.  It has been a long time since I have had that long off!  It was kinda hard coming back to work, especially when I had to work at IMC on Monday.  It was fun seeing my friends, but it's not easy jumping into something you haven't done in nine months.  It was interesting.  A lot of people said they hadn't seen me in a while; I don't think they even realized I had left.  There are lots of people who work there, and I tried not to make it a big deal when I left.  It's just funny.  Even the anesthesiologist noticed that we hadn't worked together for a while.  I told him he has just been very lucky for the past nine months.  Anyway, it was a pretty good day.  Then today, I worked at the main OR at Riverton.  It was a pretty good day there too, but I am exhausted.  I'm glad I actually get to work at my home unit tomorrow.  I'm happy to float, and I'm glad I can be useful and that my services are appreciated elsewhere, but there's a reason why I choose to work where I do.

The Good and Bad Times

Okay, so we just got back from watching "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part One" and I'm honestly not too sure how I feel about it.  I LOVE THE BOOK.  DH is my favorite of all the books; to me, it is perfect.  The journey, the conflicted emotions, weaving all the stories together in sublime culmination.  The movie does capture the essence of the story, but it leaves out so many of the exquisite details, I can't help but be a little disappointed.  I guess I expected it to be more personal, because of how I feel about the story, of how much I love it, and how intimately connected I feel to the characters.  I can't imagine trying to turn such a beloved story into an epic film franchise, attempting to remain faithful to the story and trying to move it along in a Hollywood-type atmosphere.  I'm sure it was difficult, and I'm just not a huge fan of David Yates (the director of movies 5, 6, 7.1 and 7.2).  I don't love the shaky camera, which was made all the worse because we watched it from the second row of an IMAX theater.  Blah, blah, blah.  Here's a list of pros and cons, that is, things I liked and things I wasn't so fond of.

Pro:  Cast.  I love the cast, and I feel like I know them.  I have been on this journey with them for the past 8 years.

Con:  Director.  He's okay, but I don't love his style.  The 4th movie (Goblet of Fire) is my favorite, and I think it is mostly because of the director.  The shaggy hair and hot Cedric Diggory didn't hurt either. ;o)

Pro:  Overall faithfulness to the story.  It gets the main points right, and you do feel the helplessness and the difficulty and gravity of the situations they find themselves in.

Con:  Skipping some of the details.  There are some things that are just easier to leave out, I'm sure.  But to me, it detracts from the perfection of the story. 

Pro:  Harry and Hermione's relationship.  I love the dancing scene.  It made me a little uncomfortable, because it's nowhere to be found in the novel, but it shows them finding a few precious moments of joy in such a difficult time.

Con:  Harry and Hermione's relationship.  The infamous (and totally unnecessary) nude scene was just weird.  Yes, it was imaginary, designed to torture Ron, but still . . . I just didn't like it.  After Ron destroys the horcrux in the book, Harry explains that he loves Hermione as a sister, quelling any speculation of their being 'together.'  I can see why the director would leave that out, in order to keep the audience speculating.  It's unfortunate that the only time we see or hear of Ginny is in the first fifteen minutes of the movie.  In the book, Harry spends a fair amount of time thinking about her, because she's the one he loves that way.

Pro: the tale of the Three Brothers animation.  It didn't seem to fit at first, but I like the way it explained the Hallows.

Cons:  Harry's invisibility cloak is nowhere to be seen in this movie, and it's a pretty important key to the story.

Here are some things I would have done: made Xenophilius Lovegood more eccentric.  He was a little too sedate for my taste, and we never got to see the headdress or the erumpent horn or Luna's room, etc.  I would have made Rufus Scrimgeour more lion-like--longer hair, a bit of a beard, more powerful and imposing.  He was a little wimpy, and the scene with Dumbledore's will was far too civil.  I would have spent a little more time in the planning stages of the journey, with Bill and Fleur's wedding, Harry's coming-of-age birthday, his relationship with Ginny, etc.  It's hard to say which parts I would be able to cut out/add in were I the director, because I feel like every part of the beginning is necessary to understand the end.  I would have made Voldemort more intimidating, showing his anger and cruelty in the visions Harry sees, and although I liked most of the scene at Godric's Hollow, I was disappointed that we didn't see how very close Harry was to being caught by the Dark Lord himself.

There are other things I would rather they included, but God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.  I'll grow to love it, I'm sure.

Random Thoughts

I don't know why I thought I could write every day.  I have grand plans, but they rarely come to fruition . . . more evidence of my flakiness, I suppose.

I made a green bean casserole for dinner tonight.  It wasn't too bad, and--wonder of wonders--Benji ate it.  Two bowls worth!  It probably helps that he didn't eat dinner at all last night (not from our lack of trying, believe me), but it still puts a little warm in my heart.

I went to the choir practice again tonight.  We were a bit greater in number, which was helpful.  I think I'll try out for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir again next year . . . though I have a fair amount of work to do before I can get to that point.

I need to go to bed.  I just finished watching the Kennedy Center Mark Twain Prize honoring Tina Fey.  Too funny.  She really is brilliant.   Jimmy Fallon did a Bono-impression tribute, "Beautiful Fey."  Hilarious.

Sorry, this is just some random thoughts.  I hope there will be something deeper for you tomorrow.

A Matter of Trust

I need to vent a little.

Today was pretty good.  At work, we only had one room going, with seven cases (and four surgeons).  Not a huge deal; everything went pretty smoothly.  But then we got the call.  The dreaded call from Travis, our instrument czar from Central Processing.  They were missing a pair of scissors.  Awesome.

We thought we had a solution to this dilemma, painful though it is: we label our garbage bags, and if something goes missing, we know which bag we need to go through to find it.  We lost the scissors today, but they couldn't tell me which case it was on.  He called in the early afternoon, when we were very busy, so we told him it would have to wait until we were done.

Okay, okay.  It was my fault they were accidentally chucked (actually, I'll blame it on the resident, but even so . . .), but I hardly sat down all day.  I was scrubbed in for hours, plus we had to do seven turn-overs, then I had to check 17 case carts for tomorrow . . . I worked hard today.  And Travis calls to tell me I have to dig through the garbage.  I was pissed.  It was agreed upon that I would do it if I had to, but they couldn't even tell me which bag it was, so I had to dig through five different bags of trash to find them.  The thing that really pisses me off is that I am POSITIVE the CP staff has spent at least three hours on the internet: youTube, e-mail, whatever.  They spend so much time online, it's ridiculous.  And they couldn't dig through the garbage for me (it took me 10 minutes).  It probably wouldn't bother me so much if the nursing staff had internet access.  Our manager took it away from us, which, to me, shows a complete lack of trust.  That is one of our core values as a company: "We trust each other."  Except, in our case, we can't be trusted to check our e-mail or log into Pandora.  I had internet access at IMC (everyone did), and it was so nice.  Yes, some people abused it (like the CP staff at Riverton does), but we worked hard, too.  No one could say that I didn't work hard today, and honestly I'd have to try hard to abuse it, because I'm so rarely in front of a computer.  It's silly, but it just doesn't seem fair to me.

I brought my laptop a couple of weeks ago, because I knew it was going to be a short day and I had some things I needed to do for work that I couldn't do on the company computers.  I had lappy out at the desk, and my boss came by and saw it and freaked out.  Seriously?  What is the big deal?  If they are so concerned about facebook HIPAA violations, why don't they just block that site?  They have plenty of other sites blocked, so it's not like it's impossible.  And it wouldn't cost my boss a penny to give us internet access; it's just an act of total control and distrust of her staff.  Ever since then, I have been very uncomfortable around her; I always feel like she's waiting for me to do something wrong, to find an excuse to get rid of me.  I apologized, and explained to her that I needed my laptop for work-related activities, and she calmed down, but really?  Was that necessary?  Staff at IMC brought their laptops all the time.  They could check their e-mail without being yelled at.  And they work their butts off for 95% of their shifts.  I know I'm idealizing IMC in that way, despite all the reasons why I left.  And I do love working at Riverton--I actually enjoy going to work, I like my co-workers (usually), and it's a nice, calm place to be (even if I try to avoid my boss).

Okay, that's out of my system.  I need to be more grateful, especially since Thanksgiving is coming (in only 2 weeks?  Holy cow turkey!).  I'll try to write three things I'm thankful for every day.

1.  Tomorrow is Friday, and I just might hit overtime.  Nice!  I get to keep all my PTO for this pay period!
2.  Harry Potter comes out next week!  It has been a long wait, and I know it will knock my socks off.  Uh, anybody want to babysit?
3.  You can see the carpet in my living room.  It's in desperate need of a vacuum, and there are socks strewn about, but I have definitely come home to worse.

Here's a bonus nugget for you:
‎"When you wish upon a falling star your dreams can come true. Unless it's really a meteorite hurtling to the earth that will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor." -- despair. com

Check My Vital Signs

I went to the "Sim Lab" (simulation) today: where there is a robotic patient who goes through some variation of a code blue.  It was a little unnerving.  In a real code-blue (i.e. cardiac and/or respiratory arrest), my job is to protect my sterile field.  Seriously.  During a code, there are usually tons of people in the room, so I need to make sure all of my stuff stays sterile.  In my BLS training, I have learned to oxygenate, use an AED, give compressions, etc.  But in the codes I have seen, I stay in the back and observe.  In the Sim Lab, I had to participate.  I was the "First Responder," which meant that I had to go in and see what was wrong with the patient.  When I walked in, the patient seemed okay.  She was wheezing a little, but her vital signs were fine.  Then things started to go bad.  I called for help, and the rest of the group (made up of RNs, NPs and one other scrub tech) came in.  Before they got there, I had to grab a bag & mask from the crash cart, though I'm pretty sure I uttered a four-letter word trying to find it.  I hooked it up to the oxygen and started to bag her.  I knew it was just a simulation, but it still got to me.  I almost started crying.  Thankfully I got over it fairly quickly. 

During the second scenario, I was assigned to do compressions.  I came in and the NP who was the code leader told me to start compressions.  But I didn't.  I was watching the monitor, and it looked like the patient had a heart rhythm and a pulse of 120.  I didn't understand why I would need to do compressions if there was a pulse.  Another nurse tried to hook up the AED, but on that monitor, all it showed was noise.  After the second time she told me to start compressions, I did.  The monitors showed nothing, so I couldn't even tell if I was doing any good.  In the debriefing, they asked why it took so long to begin compressions.  I told them it was because I didn't understand what was happening.  I heard the term "P.E.A." thrown around, and only afterward did I find out that it means "Pulseless Electrical Activity," which means that you'll see stuff on the monitor (that's what electrodes do--they track the electrical activity of the heart, which usually corresponds to the heart beat), but the blood is not circulating effectively.  That's why she needed compressions.

So . . . here are the "pearls" I gleaned from this experience.  I need to speak up.  If I don't understand something, I need to ask.  In a real code, when emotions run high and there is an actual life on the line, and I still hadn't started compressions, I would have been yelled at (she was very calm and quiet when the NP told me to start).  And that's okay--people are used to it.  I need to listen to what the Code Leader says.  They know more than I do, and in the end they are responsible for what happens.  I also learned that you need to trust your instincts.  Especially with kids.  You just never know what's going to happen, and if they go bad, it happens fast.  I'm also glad that I work in a very high-acuity environment.  There are at least two doctors and a nurse on-hand in surgery, and I'm definitely the low-man-on-the-totem-pole, so I'm not expected to make big decisions or be in charge of anything important.  And I like it that way.