09 November 2008
Someday When Times [Aren't] So Tight
I worked an extra shift tonight, since I'll be able to get some overtime for it. I'm just so exhausted . . . I was almost ready to quit tonight. It's not that I was verbally abused or anything (I have definitely had worse); it was just an ugly case. I'm tired of scrubbing for liver transplants! I have done one every week in the past month, and although I was only in this one for 2 1/2 hours, it was bad. One of our surgeons just seems to leave chaos in his wake. Things are under control when there is another surgeon working with him, but once they leave, things fall apart. He is being forced to retire at the end of this year. He is a gifted surgeon and he really cares about his patients, but working with him is an incredible stress on everyone.
It's nights like these that make me wonder what I'm doing with my life. With Benji so close to crawling and with me working all the time and being so exhausted when I am home, I am frightened I am going to miss it. It makes me sad; I'm doing this for him, so that we can get out of debt faster and have a more secure financial future as a family. The whole situation is just hard. I hope you friends who are able to stay home with your babies realize how lucky you are!
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3 comments:
I'm sorry. I do know how lucky I am to stay home with my kids. We've made huge sacrifices for me to do it. Now, it doesn't seem like such a huge sacrifice, but when Jamie was still in school, it was really hard. Now we have all that student loan debt to pay off, and honey I tell you there are days when I really wonder if it was all worth it.
Good Luck with everything. It'll all work out.
If you want some tips for living cheaply, I've got a ton. Maybe that will be my next blog post. NaBloPoMo makes it hard to come up with ideas.
I never really thought of it as being lucky or blessed to be home with you guys. and after the first couple of kids I think I sort of quit watching---or the regrets. But let me warn you. Benji may crawl for yo or someone else soon. and then you will be watching all the time and he will not do it again. Sometimes it takes a week or two for them to figure out just how they did it. So, if you miss the first time, you may catch the re-run. Which is no less exciting for the child than the first time. His face will shine and you will be able to get him to repeat it. Then yor friends, or husband will not think you are lying or crazy. (That is what they will think after the "first" time when he won't do it again.) Keep your chin up and eyes open there are many, many firsts to come!
I feel ya Mary. What a sweet picture of Benny!! Who knew this kid would turn out so gorgeous? MEE!
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