Whatever I Fear The Most

Today has been really weird. First, Allen has started working on a new account at Unisys, and the training is 8-5. He used to go to work at 4am, and I would wake up a few hours later. Today I woke up at 11:00 a.m. When does that happen? Allen's computer is in our bedroom; he usually turns it off at night, and Benji usually wakes up around 8:00 a.m. When I hear him, I get up. Allen left the computer on last night, and I forgot how loud it is. I didn't hear anything until I woke up at 11. Benji was talking to himself, so I went in to pick him up. He was okay, but he had another blow-out overnight . . . I'm pretty sure it is Rotavirus, or something like it. So much for the vaccination! Grrr! Anyway, I changed him, and he was just crying. He usually doesn't cry when I'm changing his diaper, so that was weird (I think his bum hurts, and Rotavirus causes nasty stomach cramps). Then he was actually snuggly. That's when I really know he's sick--it's pretty rare that he will snuggle with me. He's always up and looking around and grabbing at something when I'm holding him . . . usually my glasses or earrings or hair. Later, we were watching PBS kids, and he was crawling around while I was using the laptop. Then I realized that our little table/filing cabinet was falling over on top of my little boy. I jumped up and grabbed him, then ripped off his clothes to see if he had any injuries. He looks okay, though I have been keeping a fairly close eye on him to see if he would bruise or swell or anything. He was so sad, and I felt like the worst mother ever. Allen bought me roses yesterday as an apology, and I usually put them on that table. I didn't this time; they were on the kitchen counter when this happened. If they had been on the table, the vase probably would have hit Benji in the head. It could have been much worse. I'm grateful it wasn't. When I was feeding him dinner, he ate pretty well. Toward the end (when I was trying to feed him veggies . . . he wasn't really interested), he started gagging, like he was going to throw up. He didn't, so I didn't think about it. When I was getting him ready for his bath, he really puked. BLOWING CHUNKS. It got on me a bit, but the rug took the brunt of it. So he got a quick rinse off, then we drained the tub to get rid of the chunks and started again. We have started brushing his teeth while he's in the tub, since he spits most of the toothpaste out anyway. So I brushed his teeth, and started draining the tub again. Benji is just starting to stand up on his own (there's another tick on the worst-mother-ever tally, since he's nearly 15-months old). Today was the first time I have seen him stand up without support while in the tub; it's only for a few seconds, but when he stands on his own, I'm still proud of him. Anyway, I was putting the toothbrush away on the bathroom counter (five or six feet from the tub), and I heard a splash. I looked over, and Benji was on his back, with only his face above the water. I'll never forget the look in his eyes--absolute terror. I pulled him out and just held him. If the water had been any higher, or if I had been any further away (it wasn't a big splash) . . . it just makes me sick to think what could have happened. So today has been a crazy reminder of how fragile life is, and how child-friendly my home isn't. Don't worry--we'll be making some changes. I can't live with this fear anymore. It makes me ill.

Baby, I Love Your Way

Sorry about the negativity for the past couple of days. It's hard to be positive when I'm working so much. Honestly, we don't fight very often. I think I've only yelled once since we have been married, and I don't even remember what it was about. Allen brought me some flowers today, and he didn't complain when I told him I was going to Ogden to see Peggy's new baby. I had planned on taking Benji with me, but then I realized he is a vector. He's a stinkin' cute vector, but a vector nonetheless. He had another blow-out today, and I'm really hoping it's not Rotavirus. Pas très bon. Definitely moins efficace. I may have to bring him with me tomorrow, but he'll stay in the stroller. So if you didn't know, my dear friend (and former mission companion) Peggy had her beautiful baby girl yesterday. Here are a few pictures. She really has a TON of hair--more than Miss Tessa! It's over her ears, and she totally has a mullet. I love it! My lighting wasn't very good, and Peggy's room was pretty ghetto. I'm hoping to get some better ones tomorrow. Here's the baby burrito! No, it's not a terrorist. That would be a very hirsute Scott-babes. Apparently Peggy likes it . . . but she is on some pretty heavy painkillers. I'm just sayin'. She's at Ogden Regional, a fairly small, older hospital about 40 miles north of Salt Lake. It was okay, but her room was tiny. They said they were moving her to another room tonight . . . here's hoping! And here's hoping that the nurses actually come when she calls! I am just getting into the whole digital scrapbooking thing (it's kinda like Heritage Makers, but less intuitive). I'd like to get Photoshop, but I'm trying to figure out GIMP--a free program that is relatively similar. Anyway, there are some wonderful people out there who make backgrounds and stuff and leave them on the interwebs for people like me to steal (thank you, Sugardoodle!). I got the papers and stuff from Summertime Designs--I have put a button on my sidebar, because it's so cool. Anyway, GIMP is the program I used to put it all together. This is what I came up with: I just did it for fun, to see what I could do. I'm pretty sure this is how I'll be doing my Christmas cards, since I can do something like this, save it as a jpeg, and send it to Costco or VistaPrint. Good times. Anyway, I'll try to get some better pictures tomorrow. :o)

If You Don't Know Me By Now

I'm in a pretty foul mood today. Things started out okay; I slept fairly well and I got ready for work. Benji was happy, and he ate his grits & eggs for breakfast. So I put on my makeup, packed up the boy's backpack, and went out to the car. I then realized that I didn't have a carseat. I had taken it out of my car yesterday to give to Lexy, since she was watching Benji for a bit longer than usual. I assumed Allen would have brought it in so I could put it back in my car. Nope. No carseat means no taking Benji to Lexy's, which means I can't go to work. I called my charge nurse and told her that I didn't have a carseat, and luckily she was able to give me VLC (voluntary low-census, or being called-off) until 3pm, so it doesn't count as a sick call. Anyway, since I had some unforseen time, I washed dishes (we have a dishwasher, and it still took me an hour) and moved the laundry and took out the trash and swept the floor and picked up the living room and fed the boy. About this time, Benji started feeling yucky. He still has a lingering cough from the RSV (lingering, or it might be a new bug . . . who knows), and he has been fairly constipated lately. Poor little guy. I'm sure he puked yesterday, since I put his clothes from yesterday into the wash, and they smelled nasty, as did his bedding. So he ate a little for lunch, had a big poopy blow-out, and I put him down for a nap. He didn't even want his sippy--he just got into his preferred position (on his knees, his face on the mattress and his bum in the air) and went right to sleep. I felt so bad for him. I had texted Allen when I realized I wouldn't be going to work, telling him I wasn't very happy. So between my being really annoyed with Allen and having my baby not even smiling at me, I was a grump. Let me tell you why I was (am?) so annoyed. Allen has been bugging me to make dentist appointments; apparently he is unable to do so himself. I called the dentist yesterday, and the soonest they could get me in for a morning appointment is June 5th. They did have an opening at 4pm on Monday, but I had to work. They offered it to Allen. I texted Allen to see if he wanted it, and he did, but I had to arrange everything with Lexy and with the Dentist and I had to send him an e-mail with the address, etc. I decided that it would be better if Benji stayed with Lexy until Allen was done with the dentist, so he could get a good nap in the afternoon. So I packed up a bunch of food and let everyone know what was happening, then I went to work for 12-hours. I usually ask Allen to do one thing while I'm at work (i.e., moving the laundry, taking out the trash, etc.). I e-mailed Allen with the directions to the dentist and I gave him a choice of things to do that would be good since he had a few hours without Benji. He didn't do either, and that pissed me off. He knows that the garbage is his job, but it was still overflowing when I got home last night. I think all of it just put me into a really bad mood, and I vented it by cleaning this morning; at least something good came of it. When Allen got home from work today, I was folding clothes. He sat down and helped me, and then he wiped down the kitchen counter (without being asked). I know he felt bad and he was trying to make it up to me, but it still irks me that the only time he helps out around the house is a)if I'm cleaning, or b) I give him a very specific job to do, and he doesn't do that half the time if I'm not there to keep him on task. I know he does a lot--he pays most of the bills, he works ungodly hours at a job he dislikes intensely, he fixes things (the brakes on his car went out on Saturday night, and he was able to fix them himself on Sunday--ox in the mire), he cooks, he drives so I can sleep, etc. He does a lot of good things, and I have to remind myself of that often. It's just frustrating how I feel like I have to coddle him. Is it really so difficult to look around and see what needs to be done and to just do it? Should I have to remind him to brush his teeth? I know I shouldn't be venting here, but this is my (alas, very public) journal. I need to get it out. Allen reads this occasionally, so maybe this will help him see where I'm coming from and why I wasn't in the mood to talk to him before I left for work today. Maybe. But I'm not holding my breath.

Resist The Useless Aggravation

Yes, I'm blogging again, and it's the next day! Go me! Actually, my Mom wrote that she'd like one of my posts everyday. Well, Ma, Happy Mother's day. I'll try to do one every day this week (but no guarantees). I'm writing at work, so sorry--no pictures. I do, however, feel the need to explain the Human Resources drama I am currently trying to put to bed. As of the beginning of April, I was changed to Part-Time status (68 hours/pay period) at end of 1st Quarter 2009 because my Benefits Eligible Hours (BEAH) = 69.64. If they are not at or above 72, then you are considered part-time. The very next pay period, my average hours were 73.44 (I'll explain further on). I discussed the situation via e-mail and in-person with my supervisor (who has since moved to California . . . thanks, buddy) and my HR representative. The HR chick said she could change my status back to FT manually when my average hours were > 72. She completed a PAR form and submitted to the Corporate HR Hag, who refused to change PT status until end of 2nd Quarter, which is mid-June. That's bunk, if you ask me. Okay, you didn't ask me, but since you're reading this, you get my opinion. And it's bunk. I have been told that I can submit an appeal, but they only meet once a month, and the next meeting is May 20. So by the time I get an answer, it will pretty much be the end of the 2nd quarter anyway. Grrr! Even so, I'm going to submit the appeal to see if I can get some $$ back from the increased insurance premiums and lost PTO accrual (that's about a -3 on a probability scale of 1-10). Oh well--it's worth a shot, and I'm so agitated about it all that I need to do something. In brief, this is an explanation of what happened with my hours: · Took FMLA (physician-ordered) in August 2007 for shoulder dislocation (approximately 4 weeks; this is when I found out I was pregnant) · Took FMLA for physician-ordered bedrest/recovery from C-section in 2008 (approximately 10 weeks). · Approximately 2 weeks not covered by FMLA for August 2007-August 2008 · Average hours at the end of the 1st quarter of 2009 were calculated including 2 weeks before I returned to work from maternity leave, which 2 weeks had no hours worked and brought down my average significantly. This is where the problem lies, and I believe the company is in the wrong, because my maternity leave should have been covered retroactively as of August 2008 (rolling 12 month period for FMLA). In essence, I am being punished monetarily for taking a medical leave more than one year ago, and now I'm working full-time but getting part-time benefits because of a stupid policy. I'm sure that they will say that the policies are black and white, and I just have to live with it. I just have really bad luck (according to my new manager--thanks for your vote of confidence). She also says that I should pay out-of-pocket for the short-term disability insurance for this quarter. The company pays for it for full-time employees, but not for part-timers. Yeah, and I have an extra $200 bucks a month to do that--no problem! Especially since I'm already paying an extra $200/month for part-time insurance! Double GRRR!! That's what's weighing on my mind at the time being. It's pretty depressing, but the quarter is halfway over already. I think it's because I'm really coveting the Nikon d5000. I want it BAD, and they are just taking money from me that could be going to a camera! Triple GRRRRRRR! Okay. That's enough. More of my troubles tomorrow.

There’s Nothing You Have That I Need

I should be going to bed; I told Allen I would after I finished watching "Lie To Me" (excellent show, btw--very interesting). But I haven't written in a while, so I need to do some catching-up. I never thought I would be a PBS person. I would like to be so refined and educated as to listen to NPR and classical music all the time, but I'm just not. I do, however, love PBS. We watched "The Old Curiosity Shop" on Masterpiece tonight (I do need to read more Dickens!), followed by "Lost in Austen." The former was very well done, even if it kept Benji up past his bedtime. "Lost in Austen" is a funny little mini-series about a modern girl (Amanda) who ends up switching places with Elizabeth Bennett. Amanda knows what is supposed to happen in "Pride and Prejudice" and tries to put things as right as she can without Elizabeth there. Episode 2 aired tonight, and at this point, Jane is married to Mr. Collins. Very interesting, indeed. Is it wrong that I'm thinking I should contribute some of my hard-earned money to KUED? I think during the next session of 'groveling for dollars' (as an unnamed government representative allegedly refers to the Pledge drives), I'll have to see if I can get my hands on some "Anne of Green Gables" goodness and some warm fuzzies for being one of the 'Viewers Like You.' Here's another confession/snapshot into my little brain. I am a U2 fan (uh, no kidding, right?). I had Allen purchase their new album shortly after it came out in March, thinking I would devour it. With work and child and home to take care of, it sat on the kitchen table for a good two weeks. Every time I looked at it, I felt guilty. So I put it in my purse, thinking it would make it into my car eventually. It did, but it also left the car, in the purse, for at least another week. Pathetic! Finally I just put it into the CD player. And it hasn't left since. I have listened to it over and over again, and it's really growing on me. Some songs aren't great; I think 'Unknown Caller' is my least favorite, and "I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight" should officially win the 'Worst U2 Song Title' ever. Even so, my favorite line from the entire album is in that song: "The right to be ridiculous is something I hold dear." How true, Bono, how true. I love the 4-part harmony on Fez--it's so rich. Mmmm. I think my favorite song is "Breathe." It's somewhat reminiscent of "Trip Through Your Wires" from the Joshua Tree album, but I love it. I love that nearly every song has some reference to Christ--they aren't ashamed to believe in and sing about God--that's pretty rare among popular artists these days. I admit that the entire album needs to grow on you, but once it does, it's there forever. I really wish the 360 tour was coming to Salt Lake. I may have to take a road trip to Chicago. :o) As many of you know, I am currently the Primary Music leader in my ward (i.e., I'm in charge of singing time with the kids in my area--ages 3-11). It can be a bit challenging; I have heard from a couple of people that the lady who had this job before me didn't really teach the kids anything, and they don't know songs I would assume they would have down (of course, you know what assuming does . . .). So I'm trying to make it fun and learn new songs and follow the program. I love it, honestly. They are good kids and it's fun to see them singing (and teasing the older boys who are 'too cool' to sing Mother's Day songs!). We have a little spotlight every week, where one of the kids brings in a few things from home; kind-of a show-and-tell. The Primary president asked her what her favorite part about Primary was, and she said it was Singing Time! Woot woot! I'm glad they enjoy it; I do too. It is a lot of work, but Sugardoodle and JollyJenn make it a LOT easier. I'm very grateful for people who are creative and who are generous with their creativity. It really helps. It has been so rainy the past few weeks, that the ducks have come out to play. This is right outside my door. And we saw a beautiful rainbow on our way to a wedding reception on Saturday. Again, not a great picture, but you get the idea. Anyway, the food was good, her dress was beautiful, and we didn't stay long (which makes it even better!). Afterward, we went to dinner at a place that had been recommended by Guy Fieri on "Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives." This one definitely qualifies as a dive. I should have taken pictures, but I was a little scared. My burrito wasn't great; the Chile Verde was spicier than the allegedly Spicy Pork burrito. Benji was wanting a taste, so I gave him one. Holy cow! He was so mad at me! He doesn't have full-out tantrums like that very often, but man--he was one unhappy camper. I'm very grateful for the amnesia of young children; I was forgiven about 30 minutes later. I haven't posted any of my Benji pictures from Thanksgiving Point. Nor have I posted anything about our little outing to Wheeler Farm. Here's a little taste of our adventures over the past week or so. And here's a little slideshow from Wheeler Farm. This was just after Noah's foray into facials (see Lexy's blog about the day!) Thanks for reading the whole way through! This post is brought to you by the number 2, the letter U, and the secret word . . . GORP. Use it wisely. :o)