I Want To Know What You're Thinking

It has been a little while since my last post.  I have been pretty busy with work and travel and such.  I had a very nice weekend visiting friends.  I got to see Jill, one of the coolest people ever.  As long as I have known her (since middle school . . . that was in the 90's.  Man--I'm getting old!!), she has been driven.  She knew all along that she wanted to be a veterinarian.  We graduated from High School in 1997, and she graduated from Utah State in 2000, I think (TOTAL smarty-pants!  I didn't officially graduate from the U until 2007!).  Then she went directly to Vet school in Washington state, graduated from there, and moved to Florida to begin her practice.  I wish I had that kind of gumption and/or direction.  I knew that I wanted to be in the medical field, but I was definitely not cut out for Medical School.  a) I'm not competitive enough (okay, okay, I tend to run away from competition!), b) my grades weren't that great, and c) I wanted to have a life.  As many of my doctor friends can tell you, Medical School and Internship and Residency and Fellowships ARE your life.  Many of them have families, but it's extremely difficult to do both--especially if you have kids.  Frankly, I'm too lazy to try to do it all.

So . . . somehow I ended up here--working with doctors and nurses and a lot of cool people.  I'm really going to miss this group; they are my second family.  Actually, I probably see them more than I do my immediate family, and I have been here for nearly four years.  I do love learning and speaking with the surgeons and asking them questions and assisting them with procedures.  I have to admit that it's pretty cool.

I am a little bit worried about this next chapter.  I had a dream that the entire hospital had been remodeled, and I totally got lost--I couldn't even find the time clock!  It will take me a while to get used to the way they do things up on the hill . . . especially counting instruments.  *gulp*  I guess that means I'll have to learn their names, eh?  My excuse will be that they use different instruments than I'm used to . . . right? :o)  The schedulers posted my shifts, so other staff can pick them up once I am gone.  It's really real, and it does make me sad.

But the schedule will be so much better!  It will be tough to get up so early, and I will HAVE to get to bed earlier, but I will love being home in the evenings.  I'll be able to go to ward and RS activities!  I'll be able to eat dinner with my family and give my baby a bath every night!  Yay!

* * *

I started this post a couple of days ago, but I want to post it.  I have a couple of pictures for you.  Not great, but here's one.  I need to go to bed, and Picnik isn't saving my pictures, so it's definitely time to say good night.  Later.

Take A Look At Yourself And Then Make A Change

I don't really like what I see when I look at myself, but I  have known that something has needed to change for a long time.  I was really excited for the job prospect in Logan.  It would have meant huge changes, including my being able to stay home with Benjamin.  Of course, it didn't happen.  I applied for a job at Primary Children's, and ~wonder of wonders~ they offered me the job.  And I accepted.  I have given my notice to IMC; my last day there will be February 18th (the end of the pay period), and I'll start at PCMC the following Monday, February 22nd.  I'll be working full-time on the day shift, four 10-hour shifts every week, so it will actually be working more hours.  I'm not really looking forward to that, but the schedule will be so much better.  It will be so much better for Benji--I'll be home every evening, so he'll have some kind of routine.  He will be going to a babysitter for about 5 hours on the days that I work (until Allen can pick him up), but I think it will be good for him too.  He needs some structure, and I hope he'll find it necessary to use more words.  It will mean getting up A LOT EARLIER for both of us, but that should be good, too (once we get used to it).  Right now, mornings are so unproductive for me; I'm such a night owl that it's really the only time I can get stuff done without Benji undoing everything I have done.  I'll still have to do most of the household stuff in the evenings, but Allen has said that he would be willing to cook (which doesn't bother me one little bit).  So I think I'm going to hand over the grocery shopping and most of the cooking to him.  If dinner is ready by the time I get home . . . that would be so nice, and such a load off my shoulders.  That's the goal, anyway.  I'm giving him the e-mealz menus and letting him go to town.  Wahoo!

I hung out with the girls on Saturday, and it was so nice.  I have some super-cute pics of baby Sabrina, but I haven't had time to Picnik them yet.  Stay tuned. 

:o)

Crashing In, Into My Little World

It's pretty depressing when the surgeon you're working with says, "This is torture" in a way that only you can hear it.  I understand that some doctors get easily frustrated, and it probably wasn't directed totally at me, but it still sucks.  It makes me not-so-enthusiastic about my job.  This particular surgeon isn't the nicest guy ever, and there are some techs who refuse to work with him.  Unfortunately I get stuck in there fairly often, which isn't great for my self-esteem . . . not that it's that great to begin with.

I don't know what I want.  I would love to stay home, but it's just not possible right now.  Would I be better off working elsewhere?  Should I go part-time?  On a whim, I applied for a scrub position at Primary Children's.  I wasn't sure if I was going to submit it or not, because it's for a day shift position, and we would have to find a babysitter/daycare for the boy.  I thought I had only saved the draft, but I received a phone call to schedule an interview.  That was last Friday, and walking into Primary's felt like coming home--I love it there, and I miss it.  The interview was between just me and the OR manager, and we just sat and talked for about an hour.  It was easy, and there were some good laughs about the differences and similarities between our ORs.  They should notify me this week if they will choose me or not, and if they do, I honestly don't know if I'll accept the offer.  After tonight--absolutely.  I love my co-workers and many of the doctors, and that would be the most difficult part of leaving.  I just don't know.  I'm exhausted and something needs to change.  The good thing about working day shift is that Allen and I might actually get some daylight together.  That might be nice.

Do you ever wonder how you got to where you are in life?  I know I made the decisions that led me here, but that doesn't mean that I want to be here.  Yeah.  Happy birthday to me.

And The World Seems To Disappear

Things I love about my Benji:

 

He's getting to be more affectionate. He'll sit on my lap and let me kiss him and squeeze him.  He'll also kiss me, although kissing is pretty much sticking his tongue out.  It's sweet, but very slobbery.  If he's really sleepy, he'll let me hold him and he'll rest his little head on my chest.  I love it.

He's such a climber.  He's always out of his crib in the mornings now, but he's fine playing in his room until I come get him.  I'll hear him talking (babbling) to himself, and it makes me laugh.

Benji has the best smile and laugh.  I'll do anything to get a smile!  He still anticipates a little tickling session when I'm lotioning him down after baths.  Sometimes I can get a funny, low chuckle, but he's always giggling.  He also likes to play "Tickle Monster" on our bed.  He'll climb up and wait for me to 'get him.'

He has crazy hair.  He needs a haircut now, but it's hard to justify spending so much on something that will last for a month (tops).  So I just let it be shaggy.  Actually, it's getting long enough that the crazy cowlick is lying down, and I don't want to give that up!  It is my nemesis!

Benji isn't talking much, although he has definitely picked up "No."  *sigh*  Sometimes he'll surprise us with some different words and sounds, but he's not very consistent.  I need to get him evaluated for some speech therapy . . . I'm just so busy that it hasn't happened yet.  Bad Mommy.

Benjamin loves to read.  Lots of times we'll find him in his room (and sometimes in the book box) just reading.  He loves the credits on TV shows and movies--maybe it's a combination of the words and the music, but often he's more interested in the credits than in the actual show.

He is starting to act like a two-year-old (his birthday is next month!  Can you believe it?).  We have seen a genuine tantrum, and he wants to do what he wants to do.  If not--the limp noodle.  It drives me nuts sometimes, and I usually end up dragging him places.  He doesn't take many naps anymore, but he is going to bed earlier.  He's still very good about going to bed if we do his routine, and if he's really tired, he'll fall asleep anywhere, standing up or not.  :o)  Funny kiddo.

Well, there's your Benji update for now.  I'm making his birthday party invitations, and it just blows me away how fast this little guy is growing up; I wish I weren't missing so much of it.  I love this little guy with all my heart.

Only Time Will Tell

I was doing some ortho at work tonight with Dr. Hawes and McCall (a PA), and we had some 70's music and hair bands playing on the old Slacker radio.  I knew some of the songs, but not many.  When we have it on the 80's stations, I'm golden--I love it.  We were discussing the music of the 90's, and she said there wasn't much memorable about the nineties.  I beg to differ.  I made an AWESOME 90's playlist.  I hadn't heard some of these songs in years, but man--there is some very good stuff there.  Memories!

Yes, there are some songs I'm a bit ashamed of, like Celine Dion and Backstreet Boys, but the 90's were such a formative time for me.  I learned a lot about my music preferences, and some albums defined my experiences in that time.

Enjoy.