Crashing In, Into My Little World

It's pretty depressing when the surgeon you're working with says, "This is torture" in a way that only you can hear it.  I understand that some doctors get easily frustrated, and it probably wasn't directed totally at me, but it still sucks.  It makes me not-so-enthusiastic about my job.  This particular surgeon isn't the nicest guy ever, and there are some techs who refuse to work with him.  Unfortunately I get stuck in there fairly often, which isn't great for my self-esteem . . . not that it's that great to begin with.

I don't know what I want.  I would love to stay home, but it's just not possible right now.  Would I be better off working elsewhere?  Should I go part-time?  On a whim, I applied for a scrub position at Primary Children's.  I wasn't sure if I was going to submit it or not, because it's for a day shift position, and we would have to find a babysitter/daycare for the boy.  I thought I had only saved the draft, but I received a phone call to schedule an interview.  That was last Friday, and walking into Primary's felt like coming home--I love it there, and I miss it.  The interview was between just me and the OR manager, and we just sat and talked for about an hour.  It was easy, and there were some good laughs about the differences and similarities between our ORs.  They should notify me this week if they will choose me or not, and if they do, I honestly don't know if I'll accept the offer.  After tonight--absolutely.  I love my co-workers and many of the doctors, and that would be the most difficult part of leaving.  I just don't know.  I'm exhausted and something needs to change.  The good thing about working day shift is that Allen and I might actually get some daylight together.  That might be nice.

Do you ever wonder how you got to where you are in life?  I know I made the decisions that led me here, but that doesn't mean that I want to be here.  Yeah.  Happy birthday to me.

And The World Seems To Disappear

Things I love about my Benji:

 

He's getting to be more affectionate. He'll sit on my lap and let me kiss him and squeeze him.  He'll also kiss me, although kissing is pretty much sticking his tongue out.  It's sweet, but very slobbery.  If he's really sleepy, he'll let me hold him and he'll rest his little head on my chest.  I love it.

He's such a climber.  He's always out of his crib in the mornings now, but he's fine playing in his room until I come get him.  I'll hear him talking (babbling) to himself, and it makes me laugh.

Benji has the best smile and laugh.  I'll do anything to get a smile!  He still anticipates a little tickling session when I'm lotioning him down after baths.  Sometimes I can get a funny, low chuckle, but he's always giggling.  He also likes to play "Tickle Monster" on our bed.  He'll climb up and wait for me to 'get him.'

He has crazy hair.  He needs a haircut now, but it's hard to justify spending so much on something that will last for a month (tops).  So I just let it be shaggy.  Actually, it's getting long enough that the crazy cowlick is lying down, and I don't want to give that up!  It is my nemesis!

Benji isn't talking much, although he has definitely picked up "No."  *sigh*  Sometimes he'll surprise us with some different words and sounds, but he's not very consistent.  I need to get him evaluated for some speech therapy . . . I'm just so busy that it hasn't happened yet.  Bad Mommy.

Benjamin loves to read.  Lots of times we'll find him in his room (and sometimes in the book box) just reading.  He loves the credits on TV shows and movies--maybe it's a combination of the words and the music, but often he's more interested in the credits than in the actual show.

He is starting to act like a two-year-old (his birthday is next month!  Can you believe it?).  We have seen a genuine tantrum, and he wants to do what he wants to do.  If not--the limp noodle.  It drives me nuts sometimes, and I usually end up dragging him places.  He doesn't take many naps anymore, but he is going to bed earlier.  He's still very good about going to bed if we do his routine, and if he's really tired, he'll fall asleep anywhere, standing up or not.  :o)  Funny kiddo.

Well, there's your Benji update for now.  I'm making his birthday party invitations, and it just blows me away how fast this little guy is growing up; I wish I weren't missing so much of it.  I love this little guy with all my heart.

Only Time Will Tell

I was doing some ortho at work tonight with Dr. Hawes and McCall (a PA), and we had some 70's music and hair bands playing on the old Slacker radio.  I knew some of the songs, but not many.  When we have it on the 80's stations, I'm golden--I love it.  We were discussing the music of the 90's, and she said there wasn't much memorable about the nineties.  I beg to differ.  I made an AWESOME 90's playlist.  I hadn't heard some of these songs in years, but man--there is some very good stuff there.  Memories!

Yes, there are some songs I'm a bit ashamed of, like Celine Dion and Backstreet Boys, but the 90's were such a formative time for me.  I learned a lot about my music preferences, and some albums defined my experiences in that time.

Enjoy.

Rejected.

We Are So Last Year

I took this idea from a blog I was stalking.  It's not original, but I liked it, so there you go.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you had never done before?
Not much, actually.  There are various surgeries I learned, but that happens all the time.  Wait--we grew a tomato plant!  I have never eaten food from a plant I took care of before.  I have never kept a plant alive long enough to do so, either.

2. What would you like in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

A vacation, a yard for Benji to play in, and a normal sleeping schedule.

3. My best memory of 2009.

We had some great family get-togethers, but I think the best day was when Benji finally decided to walk!

4. What was your biggest achievement?

Keeping Benji alive and happy

5. Did you or someone you know suffer any illness?

Unfortunately.  There were the two falls I had a work and the resulting nose surgery in November.  Allen had surgery in December, and he still trying to heal.  My sister Rebecca had surgery November as well, and my mom had a pituitary tumor removed in June.  That's not to mention all the illnesses Benji had, including RSV.  I think we are singlehandedly trying to keep the health care industry afloat.

6. What was your best purchase?

I got a killer deal from Fashion Bug with some great clothes, and my lovely camera.

7. Where did all your money go?

Bills and the boy.

8.  What was your favorite song for 2009?

Viva la Vida by Coldplay. I like to "play the tympani."

9. Who was your biggest influence of 2009?

Benji.  He makes me want to be a better person every day.

10. What was your favorite new TV show?

Glee and Lie to Me.  Good stuff.

11. What was your favorite new book?

"The Lost Symbol" by Dan Brown.  Incredible.  I always feel smarter after having read his books.

12. What was your favorite movie?

"Star Trek" was awesome.  I also loved "Angels and Demons" and "Julie & Julia."

13. What has kept you sane?

My family (for putting up with me), Brad (the social worker), Dr. Witbeck (for giving me some tough love), Scrubs (for making me laugh) and Hershey's Bliss.

I have to say I'm glad it's over.