Nice Day For A White Wedding

These are a few pictures from my friend Ann Marie's wedding reception. It was at the Garden Park Ward (where Allen & I had our engagement pictures done) and it was lovely. They looked so happy, and I am very happy for them. Congratulations, Anna Maria! We did go see "Angels & Demons" on Friday. I really liked it. Most movies based on books I enjoy don't live up to my expectations, but this one actually did. Of course, they changed a few details, and I wish they had followed the book a little more closely toward the end, but in general it was very faithful to the novel--a good thing, because it is one of very few books to which I would give the prestigious M4-totally-awesome-book-I-can't-put-down-5-star-golden-platypus award. Although Dan Brown is an excellent storyteller, there are just some things that need to be visual: Bernini's statues, the churches, St. Peter's square, etc. For what it is, I was very impressed. Ewan McGregor as the Camerlengo was my favorite character in the movie, although he probably should have worked with a linguist a bit more; Italian men usually don't have Scottish accents. I liked what A.O. Scott of the N.Y. Times said about him: "Mr. McGregor has a fine time playing a wide-eyed Irish Obi-Wan with a wee bit of a messiah complex." I don't particularly agree with his review, but I do like to read how other people see things. Even so, if you haven't read the book, I suggest you do so--then you'll want to see the movie. "Lost in Austen" concluded tonight. I liked it, and I'll probably like it more if/when I see it again (Allen in now on the look-out for the DVD). It is a kind of alternate universe for Jane Austen fans, but it is fun. There are some funny moments, like when Mrs. Bennett tells off Lady Catherine, and Mr. Bennett is duly impressed. I think the best is when Amanda asks Darcy to do something for her: And here are Mr. Darcy and Miss Price dancing at Netherfield. She gets totally drunk and knees Mr. Collins where the sun doesn't shine. Good times! Watch it if you can! In other news, Benji took a little step yesterday; I was tempting him with the remote in order to get him to walk. He's so close, and it's so exciting! I love this boy! I have been rather unfair to Allen in the past few posts; I hope you all know how much I love him. He is a very good man, and I'm very lucky to have found him. We don't always get along, mostly when I'm tired and moody, but he is my best friend. I can't tell you how much he has blessed my life. Thanks for your comments on my last entry. I appreciate your votes of confidence, even if I may have a hard time believing them. I love you all!

No Line On The Horizon

I took Benji to the pediatrician yesterday. I didn't think it was going to be a big deal, but that was before they weighed him. He was not the 28 lbs I expected, but he was 26 lbs 4 oz. That's 5 oz less than he weighed at his one-year appointment. And according to the very unscientific method of measuring height, apparently Benji has shrunk 1/2 inch as well (yeah, right). He's certainly not underweight, but he has gone from the 90th percentile to the 75th in weight and from the 75th percentile to the 50th in height. His head size is up to the 90th now, so he has allegedly shrunk everywhere except his head. Isn't that wonderful? Because he's not walking just yet, and he doesn't have a bigger vocabulary and/or signs, and with his losing weight (nevermind that he has become a lot more picky with what he will eat, his being more active and his being sick for the past two months . . .) and with his exotropia (eyes that don't always line up), our pediatrician is worried about him. So we went up to Primary's to get some labs drawn and to schedule an MRI. :o( I haven't heard back anything yet, so we can hope that no news is good news. Our pediatrician wants to see him again in a month to make sure he's gaining weight and that he's walking by then. If he's not, then she wants to do physical therapy. *sigh* Have I not been worried enough? Is my pediatrician overreacting? We have tried really hard to not feed him junk food and stuff, and now she wants us to start giving him juice, etc. He doesn't look unhealthy, does he? I thought we were doing well . . . apparently not. So yesterday was not a great day. After all that, I dropped Benji off at Lexy's (again--she has been my savior this week!) so I could go to work, and they put me in a room doing a free-flap. Apparently I do micro now. It's not that different from general surgery, and it's not too bad when I don't have to be under the scope, but I just suck at it. My big, clumsy fingers aren't good with teeny sutures and very fine instruments. Plus, the surgeon (it wasn't me, I promise!) lost a BV100-4 needle with a 9-0 suture on it (which is finer than a human hair!), so my counts were off. And are you supposed to count Weck-Cell spears and micro clips? I keep thinking you should, since they could be 'lost in the wound,' but apparently you don't. It would be nice if I had a little formal training . . . yeah, right. I'm just exhausted from all of this. My self-esteem has never been great, but after our doctor's appointment, it took a pretty big hit. On top of the fact that I feel like a terrible mother, work has been tough this week, I haven't seen much of my family, my child is shrinking, and my hip has been hurting. I am excited that I only have to work for eight hours tomorrow, and that we get to go to Ann Marie's reception in the evening and to see "Angels & Demons." I'm tired, but there is a light on the horizon (no line).

I Got Something Good Going For Myself

I wanted to post some of my pictures from the weekend. Since I'm running low on storage space, you get a slide show. Feel free to visit my Picasa page if you'd like to download some of the pictures. I wish I could have gotten a picture of the conversations she and Seuao have with only their eyebrows, and Becca's mean streak while we were playing Pounce. Too funny! Benji goes to the doctor for his 15-month check-up tomorrow. I'm sure he's at least 28 lbs by now; he's wearing mostly 18-month and 24-month clothes, and he has nearly outgrown his size 5 1/2 (wide, of course) shoes. *sigh* He's so cute, but he really needs to start walking!!! I rented Bride Wars from the RedBox yesterday. I wasn't that impressed. It would have been much better if there had been a bit more character development. It's the same with Twilight: I really think it could have benefited from an extra five or ten minutes of Edward and Bella getting to know each other before they declare their irrefutable love for one another. On the other hand, I'm really enjoying the mini-series Lost In Austen on PBS. I think I will have to own it at some point. Too bad they are only showing one episode every week; at least it will be concluded next Sunday. Work today was pretty good. I got to work with my two favorite surgeons for several hours each. They are both very good guys, and working with them makes me happy. Even so, I'm tired, and I'm not particularly looking forward to working tomorrow. I usually have Wednesdays off, but I took four hours (a "princess shift") from a fellow scrub, in return for her taking my Friday evening. I wanted that off so we can go to my friend Ann Marie's wedding reception and to go see Angels & Demons. I'm way excited to see that; I'm sure the book is better, but it will be cool to see the places and statues and buildings I have only read about. Good times. I was hoping to see Star Trek over the weekend, but no movies were seen. That's okay; we had some good family time. I'm not a Trekkie, but I am a fan of J.J. Abrams. He's a very talented director, and I have only heard good things about Star Trek. In any case, I'm sure I'll see it eventually. Have a good hump-day, folks!

Mother, Dear, I Love You So

This isn't the most flattering picture, but I love it. It's my mother and my child, and it was taken on Mother's Day. I'm so grateful that we can have moments like this, creating memories while talking and laughing and trying to soothe grumpy babies. My Mother and I have not always had the greatest relationship. I think part of it stemmed from my being a middle child. I wasn't the oldest or the smartest or the most popular or the most rebellious . . . I was just in the middle, so (by design) there wasn't a lot of focus on me. I was pretty comfortable in the background (er, I still am!), but when I graduated from high school, I felt the need to spread my wings a bit. I moved to Salt Lake City shortly after graduation to attend the University of Utah, and my Mom was a little offended that I didn't want to go to Utah State. (The summer of 1997 was a very stressful time for our family, so I can't really place the blame on any one person.) So from '97 to 2000, we didn't get along very well. I lived in Salt Lake for most of that time, and we didn't speak very often. I left to serve a mission in June 2000, and my attitude changed. My mom was certainly the most faithful writer I had--I could always depend on getting at least one letter from my Mom every week, telling me how proud of me she was, and how much she loved me. I feel very blessed to have had such wonderful support from my Mom. When I came home in January 2002, I lived at home for about a year. I wanted to move back to SLC in August, but it didn't feel like the right time. So I stayed in Logan, and I'm very glad I did. It was that September that my brother died, and I'm grateful I was home to be with my family during that very difficult time. It's sad, but I believe our family is closer because of John's death. I think we all understand how precious life is, and how wonderful it is to spend time together. And now that I am a mother myself, I can't imagine the anguish of losing a child. My Mom has been so strong and such a great example of faithfulness. And the older I get, the more I realize how alike we are. During those early college days, I fought against most anything that would make me like my Mom (I can't explain it . . . immaturity is probably the primary culprit) ,but now I'm proud to be like her. She is an amazing woman, and I would be honored to be compared to her in the eyes of our Heavenly Father. I know this post isn't a great tribute to my Mom, but I want her to know how much I love her. She has been the greatest example of love and kindness in my life, and I hope I can be as generous and good as she is. Neither of us are perfect, of course, but we help and encourage each other. She is wise and beautiful and I love her with all my heart. Thanks for everything you do, Mom. I'll never be able to express fully how grateful I am for the privilege of being your daughter. I love you!

Whatever I Fear The Most

Today has been really weird. First, Allen has started working on a new account at Unisys, and the training is 8-5. He used to go to work at 4am, and I would wake up a few hours later. Today I woke up at 11:00 a.m. When does that happen? Allen's computer is in our bedroom; he usually turns it off at night, and Benji usually wakes up around 8:00 a.m. When I hear him, I get up. Allen left the computer on last night, and I forgot how loud it is. I didn't hear anything until I woke up at 11. Benji was talking to himself, so I went in to pick him up. He was okay, but he had another blow-out overnight . . . I'm pretty sure it is Rotavirus, or something like it. So much for the vaccination! Grrr! Anyway, I changed him, and he was just crying. He usually doesn't cry when I'm changing his diaper, so that was weird (I think his bum hurts, and Rotavirus causes nasty stomach cramps). Then he was actually snuggly. That's when I really know he's sick--it's pretty rare that he will snuggle with me. He's always up and looking around and grabbing at something when I'm holding him . . . usually my glasses or earrings or hair. Later, we were watching PBS kids, and he was crawling around while I was using the laptop. Then I realized that our little table/filing cabinet was falling over on top of my little boy. I jumped up and grabbed him, then ripped off his clothes to see if he had any injuries. He looks okay, though I have been keeping a fairly close eye on him to see if he would bruise or swell or anything. He was so sad, and I felt like the worst mother ever. Allen bought me roses yesterday as an apology, and I usually put them on that table. I didn't this time; they were on the kitchen counter when this happened. If they had been on the table, the vase probably would have hit Benji in the head. It could have been much worse. I'm grateful it wasn't. When I was feeding him dinner, he ate pretty well. Toward the end (when I was trying to feed him veggies . . . he wasn't really interested), he started gagging, like he was going to throw up. He didn't, so I didn't think about it. When I was getting him ready for his bath, he really puked. BLOWING CHUNKS. It got on me a bit, but the rug took the brunt of it. So he got a quick rinse off, then we drained the tub to get rid of the chunks and started again. We have started brushing his teeth while he's in the tub, since he spits most of the toothpaste out anyway. So I brushed his teeth, and started draining the tub again. Benji is just starting to stand up on his own (there's another tick on the worst-mother-ever tally, since he's nearly 15-months old). Today was the first time I have seen him stand up without support while in the tub; it's only for a few seconds, but when he stands on his own, I'm still proud of him. Anyway, I was putting the toothbrush away on the bathroom counter (five or six feet from the tub), and I heard a splash. I looked over, and Benji was on his back, with only his face above the water. I'll never forget the look in his eyes--absolute terror. I pulled him out and just held him. If the water had been any higher, or if I had been any further away (it wasn't a big splash) . . . it just makes me sick to think what could have happened. So today has been a crazy reminder of how fragile life is, and how child-friendly my home isn't. Don't worry--we'll be making some changes. I can't live with this fear anymore. It makes me ill.